Page 71 of Crystal Iris
“I want you to leave.”
“Aaron, we need to talk.”
“Get the fuck out of my house,” he yells, throwing his glass at the wall.
Seventeen
“It is a widely accepted notion among painters that it does not matter what one paints as long as it is well painted. This is the essence of academicism. There is no such thing as good painting about nothing.” – Mark Rothko
The sun shines bright on my first day back from spring break, too bright. I haven’t left my apartment in days. I can still hear Aaron’s words as the glass shattered. The sound is stuck in my head, keeping me up at night, all night. I don’t know how to move forward; everything feels harder. Even the simplest things, like showering and eating. Akira came by a few times after I told her what happened. I haven’t spoken a word to anyone else—not to Aaron, and especially not to Hoyt. I want to dig a hole and bury myself in it. I’m feeling everything all at once: sadness, fear, anger, relief, and shame.
“Good morning,” Akira says from the campus entrance, coffees in hand.
“I don’t deserve you,” I tell her, taking my first glorious sip.
“I know,” she replies with a smile.
I smile back. A faint one, but I do.
“One day at a time, okay?” she says when we part ways.
“One day at a time.”
I’m on my third slide when Jack asks, “Was this influenced by Ancient Egyptian sculptures?”
“Yes, we have a great example of that kind of sculpture here in the MFA in Boston, of the pharaoh Menkaure and his wife. Iconography means exactly that—investigating the visual signs in works of art. Let’s take a look atMelencolia Iby Dürer. It’s possible that the winged woman could be the personification of melancholia. Or perhaps she represents creativity, moments before inspiration strikes. There are a few different theories regarding it. We see a rainbow in the sky, and I believe this here... is a planet. This print is known for its hidden curiosities. For example, the radius of the sphere in front of the dog has the same measurement as the distance marked by the compass. Who’s heard of the Seven Liberal Arts?”
“Grammar, rhetoric, logic, music, geometry, arithmetic, and astronomy,” Flora says proudly.
“Thank you, Flora. Geometry was considered vital to the creation of high art. We see in this engraving many symbols related to it, as well as to alchemy, including the compass, the hourglass, the scale, the sphere, and the polyhedron. Geometry and melancholia are both governed by the planet Saturn, which might be the planet we see in the back.”
“My father always says melancholic people are the most likely to succumb to insanity,” Jack says. “He’s a psychologist.”
“That’s an interesting idea, Jack. Melancholy was associated with genius and creativity in the Renaissance. I can see how these rare gifts could be linked to madness, especially when one is striving for perfection. There are three realms of genius: imagination is the first, followed by reason and spirit. Perhaps the number one in the title refers to the first realm.”
I’m happy to teach, to talk about art, and answer all the questions. It’s almost dark when I leave campus. Work has always helped me during troubled times, and today is nodifferent. I dove into writing a paper between classes merely to keep my brain busy. It’s time I focus on my career again.
I’m looking for a book in one of my half-packed boxes when my phone buzzes. Hoyt is calling me. I ignore it.Again.I read until my eyes are too heavy to stay open.
“Who do you think she is?” I ask my students the next day.
“The goddess Venus, as the title says,” Alec says, chewing gum.
“Isn’t she a young bride?” Stella asks.
“She’s nobody, just an idealized female,” says Mila with distaste.
“You’re all correct. Historians can’t agree. There have been enough theories about this woman, including the ones you brought up, as well as that she could be a courtesan or a mistress. Titian combined many of those identities in this painting, which makes it hard to know for sure who she was meant to be. No mention of who she really was has been found. This is a seductive painting; the red pillows signal her passion. Painters looked to poetry for inspiration about love, beauty, and lust. And with Venus being the goddess of love, sexuality, fertility, and beauty, the title makes sense.”
I’m putting my things away when Stella comes to see me.
“Can I help you with anything, Stella?”
She looks so young in her hooded sweatshirt.Or am I just getting older?
“I was wondering… if you had… any advice for me.”
“With regard to what?”
