Page 18 of Never Have I Ever
“He’s a hotel owner and ready to settle down with a woman. It offers you security, Rosalie. Financial freedom.”
Money. It always comes down to money.
“Even if I don’t love him?” I ask.
“You haven't even met him yet. He's not your only choice. There are plenty of eligible men that will be here next weekend. You can change your mind." That’s what she ultimately wants. She wants me to change my mind about my wants and desires and instead live her life.
“Fine. I’ll go,” I concede. “I’ve got to go now. Bye, Mom.”
“Okay, I expect to see you here this weekend.”
I sigh as I hang up the phone.
Another event that I’m being forced to attend. I can’t escape it, or this life. I thought being eighteen and going to college meant I could finally get my mother off my back, but that’s not the case.
The only thing that makes me feel a little better about this situation is the thought of seeing Grayson again.
7
Late night drive
Grayson
This girl wants to live like me.
Fuck knows why. But she asked me for help, and I said I’d help her.
I can’t stop thinking about the list full of dirty things she asked me to do with her, to do to her. And if she were anyone else, I would have done it without hesitation.
I almost laughed in her face when she thought I wasn’t attracted to her. Ever since I laid my eyes on her at the party, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her.
Something about her intrigued me. I wanted to know more. And then two days later, she came to my house, looking for me, asking me to corrupt her, to make her into everything she’s not.
I keep picturing her blonde hair, her white dress, how she smiles, how sweet she is, how delicate her voice is.
Fuck. I groan, feeling my dick harden in my pants. Jesus, I think about her voice, and I get hard. I wish I knew why this girl, in particular, has me doing things I’d never even think of doing, like turning down sex tohelpher.
I feel the heat travelling to my groin, and I curse under my breath. I can’t do this to the thought of her. I tuck my dick in my waistband and try to forget about her blue eyes staring up at me, begging me to teach her every dirty thing on her list.
Shit. It isn’t working. I need some fresh air or a smoke or something. I get up from my bed and walk over to the bathroom. Turning the faucet, I splash some cold water on my face to try and divert any thoughts of Rosalie out of my mind.
Even if she did come and ask me for those things, even if she said it wasn’t taking advantage, it still feels wrong. No matter what people at this school think of me, I can’t do what she asked me to or even think about her in a perverse way.
It’s been a week since I last saw her. I haven’t texted, and I’ve been trying to forget her. School’s been keeping me busy enough, and my sales have gone down this month. I haven’t had time to think about her.
Not to mention that my mother has been breathing down my neck every damn day. Phone calls, texts, emails, the whole joint. It’s not like I can avoid her. I need to be on my parents’ good side, or else I won’t get what I need. I'd be attending this school without a purpose because the only reason I'm here is because of them.
The only thing easing my mind is the thought of seeing Rosalie. Teaching her how to be me. How do I even go about doing that? I can’t turn her into a fuck up like me. But I can show her what I do for fun, what makes me feel like nothing else in the world matters.
That’s what she asked for, after all, and that’s what I’ll show her. I pull my t-shirt over my head and open my dresser, pick out a fresh shirt, and throw it on.
My phone lights up, and I reach for it, seeing a text from my mother. I let my eyes drift closed in frustration. God damn it, I can’t escape them. No matter what I do, they’ll always be on my case. I can’t take back what I did, and they see me completely differently because of it.
It doesn't matter that it wasn't my fault. They'll always view me as a deviant, an aberration, and a disappointment to the family.
I swipe away from her message and unlock my phone, searching for Rosalie’s name in my contacts. My finger hangs above the call button. I stare at her name on my phone screen for what seems like forever. I shouldn’t be around her, but I offered to help her, to do this favor for her. She said nothing was in it for me, but she doesn’t know how wrong she is. Just the thought of seeing her again has my pulse racing, and that should scare me.
But instead, I say fuck it, and I press the button and bring the phone to my ear, hearing the line ring.
