Page 68 of Spin The Bottle
He nods. “Tan orgulloso,” he repeats. “Viene. Your mom has been up early making arepas.”
My eyes widen, my stomach rumbling at the thought of having home-cooked food. “She has?” I ask skeptically, knowing my mother wouldn’t want me to eat those, even though they’re my favorite.
He glances at me, pushing open the door to the backyard where my family is. “I helped.” Which means he cooked them, and Mom was not happy about it. Dad has always tried to keep the peace between Mom and I, and failed—miserably.
My sister turns around at the sound of the door opening and her eyes widen. “You’re here.”
I nod, giving her a smile. “I’m here.” We were inseparable growing up, but when we grew up, she had different interests, and we drifted apart. “Hey, Daniel,” I glance up at Laura’s boyfriend, whom she’s been glued to since high school. They met, fell in love, lived happily ever after. Even though she’s my younger sister by two years, her love life is better than mine ever was.
“Hey, Leila,” he greets, leaning down to kiss my cheeks. “Haven’t seen you around lately.”
“Well, some of us go to college,” I offer with a smile. Laura and Daniel decided college wasn’t for them. My mom was not happy, and neither was my dad, but being my mom’s favorite child, she won her over when she told her she’d decided to follow her dreams and be a hairdresser. Daniel got a job at the dealership his uncle works at straight out of high school, and together they make a perfect couple.
He laughs, his brown eyes a perfect match to the hair on his head. “I heard about the photo shoot,” he says, flashing me a wink. “Congrats.”
I press my lips together, giving him a smile. “Thanks.”
My head turns, seeing my mom, who looks as beautiful as ever. Long, brown hair that my sister and I both inherited; Laura cut hers short, just above her shoulders. The dress my mom is wearing falls just above her knees, wrapping around her slim waist that she wishes I had too. I give her a smile, still finding myself missing her even though she makes me feel so bad about myself. “Hey, Mama.”
Her smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes when she pulls me in for a hug, kissing my cheeks. “Mija. So nice to see you. Te ves muy feliz.”You look very happy.
“I am,” I tell her, hoping she doesn’t go into a rampage about my body. “I’m happy.”
Her brows raise. “¿Novio?”boyfriend?My stomach drops.
I shake my head, inhaling before I sigh. “No, Ma, no boyfriend.”
She shakes her head. “If only you would just—”
“Ven comer.”Come eat.My dad interrupts whatever my mom is about to say, calling us over to the folding table he set up in the middle of our backyard, decked with arepas and filling, a big salad bowl on the side and some plantains and fries.
As soon as we sit, my sister tells me all about her trip to Europe she took with Daniel, how they saw the Eiffel Tower and tried snails and I listen to it with a smile, all while my mother glances at me with a clear effect of telling me that this could be me. That the life my sister is living could be mine.
I leave my half-eaten arepa on the plate, noticing how my mom’s eyes widen with every bite I take. My stomach cramps, but I don’t even have an appetite anymore. I got so used to Aiden making me eat and acting like there was nothing wrong with eating that I forgot. I forgot that my fatness offends my mother, makes her hate me, makes me worthless.
I’ve tried so hard to fight for myself. I look in the mirror every day, grab my rolls, and whisper words of love. I’ve been trying to love myself, love my body, embrace it for what it is, that I forgot what it was like.
The feeling of disgust of being in my own body. Feeling like I occupy the room with my loud voice and my big body. Feeling like I’m unworthy of love.
It’s all coming back to me, and that happy feeling I had before, it’s long gone. In less than twenty minutes, my mom managed to destroy my self-confidence once more.
I try to smile when my dad puts some of his fries on my plate when my mom turns around. But I don’t eat them. I leave the fries to harden and get cold on the side of my plate.
“When does the magazine come out?” It takes me a while to realize my sister is talking to me and I blink, trying to shake all the negative thoughts out of my mind.
“Next month.”
“Are you going to be on the cover?” Daniel asks.
“No. It’s a feature piece.”
My mom shakes her head, digging into her salad. “I don’t know how you’re not embarrassed.”
“About what?”
She looks up, rolls her eyes. “Leila, por favor. No seas tola.”Don’t be dumb.“Everyone is going to see yourbody,” she says, that last word covered in disgust. She drops her fork, pressing two fingers to her forehead. “If you would just…” she shakes her head, not bothering to finish her sentence, but I know. Eat healthier, work out more, whatever stupid thing she sends me that she saw on the internet. She looks at me. “You could be so pretty.”
I’ve been heartbroken before. What my ex-boyfriend, Jake, did took a toll on me. I really thought I loved him and that he was genuine, and then when I found out it was all a lie, my heart shattered into little pieces.
