Page 36 of Crazy Pucking Love
I tried to play off the last one as Dane having to be careful around my brother. But nope, the damn statistics were right, and while I usually loved math for being so black and white, I hated it for the same reasons now.
College students prefer short-term, casual relationships over long-term relationships because it allows them to focus on their academic and career goals.
After we left Bodega the other day, Dane mentioned he really needed to focus this week so he’d know for sure if he could keep up with the hard classes he’d considered dropping.
Deadline for that drop was Monday. I might hold out hope things would go back to normal after that date passed, but the article wasn’t done with depressing stats.
By senior year, 72 percent of students have experienced a one-night stand.
Further proof the guys here weren’t all that interested in being my potential boyfriend. They wanted casual hookups instead.
I’d accidentally been one in high school, and I didn’t want to repeat that. Then again, maybe my list was unrealistic. I should have attainable goals for my fresh start.
Either way, I knew where Dane stood. He was a hot hockey player who had girls constantly hitting on him, and he didn’t want a serious relationship. For all I knew, this past week he’d been hanging out with other “late-night friends” who were more like booty calls. Maybe even more than booty calls, but if I went down that black hole of sadness, I might never come back from it.
Still, it’s time to admit that he’s not the boyfriend I’m looking for, even if that fact makes my heart shrivel up into a tiny, sad knot.
The finality of the thought made sharp, cutting strings of panic bind my lungs, and for a second I felt that out-of-control desperation that’d led me to shoplift. To replace my sorrow with adrenaline; to finally have someone listen when I called instead of half-ignore or placate me with empty words when I tried to get their attention.
In spite of how hard I worked on replacing bad thoughts with healthy, positive ones, a dark one crawled up and whispered that maybe if I called Dane from jail, he would at least pick up.
Number six leaped out at me, reminding me I was no longer doing self-destructive things for attention.I don’t think that way anymore. Bad attention isn’t the same as good attention, and if you crack now, you’ll undo all your progress.
I didn’t give out my trust easily, and I still hadn’t earned 100 percent trust back from Aunt Tessa. Beckett had looked past my shoplifting indiscretion, and I didn’t want to disappoint him again—honestly, that’d been worse than jail.
Time to refocus. Keep busy with good activities.
I eyed the shelf that held my comic books. I had my classic collection from when I was younger, but after I decided I didn’t know who I was anymore, and that I wanted to be a better person who didn’t resort to stupid stunts to cope, I’d added more of the girl-power ones, likeBitch PlanetandX-23. So technically there was a bit of lawbreaking in them—which I was wholeheartedly onboard with avoiding in real life—but it was all about the characters’ tragic backstories. They became stronger from them so they could fight the good fight, and at a time I really needed it, it made me feel like I could do the same.
I considered rereading some of my favorite issues, but an antsy sensation worked its way through my limbs. I needed to do something. To act.
I grabbed my Boston hot spots list off my corkboard. Going alone wasn’t ideal, but I could do it. It would be better than waiting for a text or call that wouldn’t happen.
Vanessa walked in, tossed her backpack to the side, and then flopped back on the bed. “Ugh, guys are the worst!”
Amen, sister.“Did something happen with Justin?”
“He’s busy with another girl tonight.” Vanessa rolled to her side, her eyes glossy with unshed tears. “I tried to be open to it, but I don’t want to see anyone else, so I hoped he wouldn’t, either. We started casual, but I kind of got used to the idiot, and I thought we’d become…more.”
I almost spouted off statistics on how apparently that was all most college students wanted, but they hadn’t made me feel any better, so I decided to disregard that instinct. “I’m sorry. That sucks.”
I twisted a strand of my hair back and secured it with a bobby pin. “I know you didn’t ask, but I don’t think he’s good enough for you. From what I’ve seen, he’s got the personality of a pet rock.”
Vanessa snort-laughed. “He is kind of boring. Except for the sex.”
“Well, while I’m sure that’s nice, I bet there are guys out there with the whole package.”
“That also have nice packages?”
I laughed, but then I found myself thinking of straddling Dane again.Bad thoughts. Bad, sexy thoughts that’ll only get me in trouble.
I smothered the longing that’d risen up to taunt me and said, “I’m actually going to this improv show tonight. You wouldn’t maybe wanna go with me? I’m not sure how many guys we’ll meet, but with any luck we’ll laugh enough to keep from caring about our guy-less night.”
“Your hottie friend isn’t going with you? That guy looked like he had the whole package.”
My lungs squeezed, painfully tight.
Vanessa sat up. “I hope that didn’t come across as…it was just hard not to check him out, but girl code is a big deal to me. I know you introduced him as a friend, but I saw there was more. From both of you, I thought.”
