Page 52 of Crazy Pucking Love
Beck hiked the strap of his bag higher on his shoulder. “You can come see for yourself. As long as you stay away from my sister and my girlfriend, feel free to check out anyone you want.”
“I’m going to add Whitney to the don’t-look-at-unless-you-want-your-face-smashed list,” Hudson said. Then he turned to me and raised an eyebrow. We hadn’t had a chance to discuss our unexpected visitor this morning, but his look made it clear he knew something was up.
We had a silent convo over whether me going would be a good idea, with a shrug from me, and anit’s your funerallook from Hudson.
Screw it. I need to see her, even if I can’t do much besides talk to her while I keep my hands to myself.“I’m in. I’m starving.”
“Cool,” Beck said. “Meet us at the Tavern on Massachusetts Avenue.”
I changed, choosing my nicer clothes, and once Hudson was dressed, we exited the locker room. As we stepped outside, he stopped me with a hand on my shoulder. “Dude, what exactly is going on with you and Megan?”
“Nothing. We’re friends,” I said, even though the words didn’t taste quite right. But I felt like downplaying was the right answer until I saw how our new arrangement worked out.
“Bullshit—you’re the worst liar. I can tell it is something, because you haven’t been going overboard running your mouth about it. You like her?”
I didn’t know how to answer that. It had never been about if I liked her or not.
“Look, I just want to know what line to walk tonight so that no one ends up getting punched in the face. Beck helped me out when I was about to lose everything last semester—but so did you, and I’ve got your back. I’d just like to know I’m not fighting over a hookup.”
“We’re just having fun. She means more to me than a hookup, but I can’t do the relationship thing again. I’ve got too much other stuff going on with my family, and—”
“And you still feel bad for what happened with Jazmine. I get it, but you’ve got to let it go. She made her choice.”
“No, I took away her choice. I don’t just feel bad for what happened with Jazmine. I feel responsible for how far she’s spiraled since we broke up. Because I am.”
It was the first time I’d ever told anyone, and if I’d known it was going to burst out, I would’ve tried to do a better job of holding it in. I started toward the truck, no longer able to stand there and take this conversation.
But Hudson stepped next to me, obviously not ready to drop it that easily. “Jazmine had issues before you—you were the best thing that happened to her. But you can’t live your life for someone else, Dane, and you can’t fix someone when they don’t think they’re broken. All that would’ve happened if you’d stayed, was your future would be flushed down the toilet right along with hers.”
It’d be nice to jump onboard with that and forgive myself, but she knew she was broken—she told me I broke her, and I did. I should’ve been there when her mom died and I wasn’t.
“I had a feeling that mess with Jaz was why you haven’t dated anyone since,” Hudson said. “Right after you two broke up, I was so glad that you were free, I probably shoved you toward embracing the party lifestyle a little too hard. That was never really you. But lately, you don’t even look twice at girls. I thought if I gave you shit about not having any game, you’d go out of your way to prove it, but you always make jokes or change the subject. I know you could have them hanging off you if you wanted.”
“I’ve been taking a break from that.”
“A break? Hell, I was half tempted to make a bet with you about sleeping with a girl like you did for me, just to see if it’d kickstart you. But I could tell there was something more to it.”
“Yeah, I was sick of being a shitty person and making girls cry. The best way to prevent that is to focus on hockey and school and stay far away from females in general.”
“There’s a lot of middle ground between those two…” Hudson spun to face me when we reached his truck. “Here’s the thing with Jazmine. Since you’ve got this massive big brother, hero complex, you thought you could step in and save her, but that girl was headed down that road before you ever left for college. There was nothing you could’ve done to stop it.”
I tried to let his words sink in and make me feel better, but they didn’t. Those heart-wrenching sobs that accompanied our breakup still haunted me. I could pinpoint the moment she decided to give up on herself and her future, and it was the moment I wasn’t there for her. If I had been, I could’ve stopped it.
“So if Megan’s the reason you’ve been happier lately, let yourself be happy,” Hudson continued. “You deserve a break from fixing everyone. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you were there to knock some sense into me when I nearly gave up on making things right with Whitney. But for once you deserve not to have to be responsible for it all.”
I fought for the smile, but once it was there it turned genuine. “I don’t know if I’d call you fixed, though. Maybe a little less defective…”
Hudson laughed and punched me in the shoulder. “Come on. Let’s go eat. And if I make a super loud joke, or kick you under the table, it means stop staring at Beck’s sister before he notices.”
…
The interior of the restaurant was all black brick, sleek stainless steel bar and tables, and square framed windows separating the different sections. Definitely the type of unique places Megan gravitated toward.
“There they are.” Hudson headed across the room to where Beck, Lyla, Whitney, Vanessa, and Megan sat. I tried not to let my eyes linger on Megan, but she had on this shimmery pink lip gloss that drew my attention to her lips and made me recall tracing that sexy bottom lip with my thumb this morning, and how she bit me. Then I was thinking of everything that came after.
“You going to sit down or what, man?” Hudson asked, bringing me back to the present. Which was good—much longer of that type of thinking and the evidence of my attraction to her would be hard to hide.
I slid into the open spot at the end of the table, which left Megan to my right. Unfortunately, it also meant staring across the table at her brother on the other end. He gave me a nod and I returned it, studying his expression for any sign he knew about Megan and me. But he didn’t look like he wanted to kill me, so I figured he had no idea, and I’d like to keep it that way.
