Page 74 of Crazy Pucking Love
More and more she was spending nights at my place. We’d have sex, study for a while, and then cuddle up and talk until we fell asleep. Initially we tried putting studying first, since both of us had more homework than we knew what to do with, but concentrating on class work proved impossible with Megan within arm’s reach. I’d see her neck and want to kiss it, or she’d stretch and I’d get a glimpse of her stomach, or it’d make her shirt tighter across her breasts—basically everything about her made it hard to not think about sex until we had it. Once we switched up the order, I was able to get a good hour or so of work done before I thought about it again, whether it led to round two or just reliving how great the start of the night had been.
The sound of the keys being struck slowed and Megan reached over and ran her hand down my back. “Are you getting tired?”
“I’m never not tired these days,” I said, the words muffled by the pillow. I heard the click of her laptop closing, felt her lean far enough that I assumed she was setting her computer on my desk, and then she maneuvered so she was lying next to me, one of her smooth legs hooking over the back of my thigh, her nose a few inches from mine.
Her soft lips pressed against my cheek. “Did you get enough studying in?”
No. Not even close. Even forcing ourselves to mix study time into our evenings wasn’t enough lately. But I simply grunted, because I didn’t want her to turn into bouncy, optimistic Megan and force me to study more—while I loved that version of her, I couldn’t cram any more information into my head. I needed sleep with another side of sleep.
“Dane?”
I traced my hand down her side and slid it around so that I could cup one sexy ass cheek. “Yeah?”
“Never mind.”
I popped one eye open. “What is it?” The trepidation in her features made me open the other eye. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah. It’s just…Well, my little sister’s birthday party is this weekend, and I’m going to Concord with Beckett and Lyla, and I just thought…inevitably I’ll run into some of the mean people I dealt with in high school, and I can deal with them. But I’d rather deal with them with you by my side. It’s like an hour and a half trip, so not too bad.”
“Are you asking me to go with you?”
“I’m mentioning it so I can see how you respond to theideaof going with me.”
My heart tapped my rib cage, then the beats steadily grew faster and harder. “I’m pretty sure that’d blow our cover with your brother—the other day at practice I swore he had it out for me, and I kept waiting for him to tell me to stay away from you.”
“He knows we’re friends.”
“You think most friends would make a long drive to go to the birthday party of a kid he doesn’t even know? No one’s going to buy the friends thing, Megan. We’ll just torture ourselves with not being able to kiss or even touch the entire trip.”
She swallowed. “Then maybe it’s time to tell people we’re more than friends.”
Damn. I knew we’d end up here, even though we’d tried to keep it light and casual. Ever since she started staying over, I’d slept so much better, but thinking about the big commitment and all the ways it might set us up for failure chased any chance of sleep away.
While I’d been ridiculously optimistic this past week and a half, hoping that living in the same city and her understanding how much time hockey took meant we had a chance at making it work, actually taking that risk scared the shit out of me.
“Remember how you asked me to tell you if things were starting to feel too serious between us?”
The sorrow that flickered through her eyes stabbed me right through the chest.
“I guess I better go, then.” Megan sat up and I grabbed her arm.
“That’s not what I’m saying.”
“You’re saying you want me here every night, but you don’t want to get involved with my family or be a real part of my life.”
“I can’t. Not now. I can’t handle another thing on my plate. Maybe when the season ends.” I tugged her to me and hugged her tightly as I pressed a kiss to her neck. “Don’t go. We’ve had such a perfect night, and I don’t want to end it with you mad at me.”
I felt like a selfish jerk asking her to stay, but the truth was, I didn’t want her gone. The paper she was currently writing had already taken last night away from us, and without her sleeping next to me, I’d only caught a couple of hours before dragging myself to this morning’s classes.
“I’m tired of hiding.” At first I thought she was lifting my hand off me because she was, in fact, mad, but instead she toyed with my fingers. “And I want to go to the games and wait for you after, and make sure that none of the puck bunnies think they can have you. It makes me crazy to think of them with you, and if that makes things feel too serious, well that’s just too damn bad.”
“Hey.” I moved so that I was over her, my gaze locked onto hers. “I swear I’m not sleeping with anyone else. I won’t, either. I can promise you that much.”Please let it be enough…
A desperate-edged panic set in as she bit her lip, an internal debate clearly taking place. This past week I’d slept better, I’d played hockey better. Life was better.
Too much sadness and uncertainty remained in her expression. “I need more, Dane. I’m sick of feeling like a dirty little secret. I can hold on for a while longer if you promise we’re gonna make this work. That someday I can introduce you as my boyfriend without worrying you’ll pull away.”
I sat back and raked a hand through my hair.Shit, shit, shit.I heard Jazmine asking me to promise her we’d work out. How could I say those words again, when I’d failed before? When that failure had done so much damage?
