Page 75 of Crazy Pucking Love
Megan scooted out from under me and reached for her pants, tears glistening in her eyes.
Since it looked like I could come clean or lose her, I said, “Do you remember how I told you that I had that friend who turned into an addict? That it’s why I was so worried about my sister?”
Her movements slowed and she nodded.
“Jazmine was a girl I grew up with. We were friends for a long time, and then we started dating. Before I left for college, I made her a promise that we’d make it work, but long distance and hockey season were harder than I thought they’d be. Then her mom died, and she called me and begged me to come home, but I…” I clenched my jaw, forcing air in and out of my lungs. “I chose to stay and play hockey instead.”
I waited for Megan to look at me like she finally saw me for the selfish jerk I was. Her gaze remained fixed on a spot on the other side of the room. I forced out the rest. “Now she’s a step away from being a junkie, doing whatever she can to numb the pain, and I feel responsible. I wasn’t there when she needed me most.”
Megan turned, tucking a leg under her. “We talked about this already. People are responsible for their own choices.”
I scrubbed a hand over my face. “Maybe.” I grabbed her hand and curled it into mine. “Megan, I want to promise you that we’ll work out, because I want us to so badly. But I can’t. If I ended up breaking you, I’d never be able to live with myself.”
Silence descended, so heavy I could hardly breathe.
“No other girls?” she asked. “You promise?”
“I swear.” I swept her hair off her face, winding my fingers into the silky strands. “The truth is, I hadn’t had sex with anyone for months before meeting you, and I don’t want any other girls. I only want you.”
I leaned in a few inches, waiting to see if she accepted what I could give her…
Ever so slowly, she closed the gap and pressed her lips to mine. I kissed her with all the urgency coursing through me, sucking her tongue into my mouth as I laid her back on the bed.
Then I was sinking into the sensation of the kiss, of her body under mine. As I let the addictive pull of this girl drag me under, I told myself maybe history didn’t have to repeat itself. Maybe I could be the guy she wanted.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Megan
I slipped out of Dane’s bed and gathered my clothes off the floor. With me out of the bed, the arm that’d been over me now dangling off the side, it was hard to believe I could even fit in there with him.
My gaze ran down the strong line of his back. Was it any wonder that I lost my senses—not to mention my resolve—around him? I was terrified of losing him, which didn’t make sense when I didn’t have him in the first place.
Over the past year or so, I told myself that I was okay on my own. That I could handle the loneliness hanging over me because it wouldn’t last forever—that was why I’d added the goal to find a guy with boyfriend potential in the first place.
Being with Dane chased away the loneliness, which made me want to hold that much tighter to him. But I wanted to walk hand in hand across campus, to take him home with me so I could show everyone that my fresh start wasn’t just a success, but a raging one, complete with the hottest boyfriend ever.
Each passing day I wanted more, and clearly he didn’t.
A tight band formed around my chest. Then I was thinking of the goals I was sacrificing to be with him like this—in the halfway way. I was putting a lot of effort into us, and into making sure he passed his classes, to the point that some of my grades were slipping. Not too badly, but enough to scare me into reevaluating whether my priorities were in the right place.
I didn’t want Dane to blame himself for what happened with his ex, and I even understood why he was hesitant to jump into a full-blown relationship again. But while I’d tried to tell myself I was cool with the switch up of going from wanting a boyfriend to enjoying being young and unattached, my heart knew the truth, and I couldn’t talk myself into the lie anymore.
Hard to feel empowered when you compromised on a daily basis.
At the same time, could I give this up? Evenings filled with laughter and nights where I slept soundly in his arms.
He promised there are no other girls, and that he won’t sleep with anyone else.I wanted it to be enough, and it almost was. Almost.
But I couldn’t stop wondering if things would really change after the season, or if there would always be another excuse for him to hold me at bay. How long could I stick around through him pulling away whenever things turned serious, or when I told him I wanted more? How long until I lost the fresh start I’d worked so hard on, and ended up feeling like the old me, who constantly held back herself and compromised to make other people happy?
It was already happening, to tell the truth.
I slipped my laptop in my backpack, then leaned over and kissed Dane’s cheek, wishing that caring about him so much didn’t also hurt.
“Megan?”
“I’m slipping out so I can make it to my first class. I’ll talk to you later.”
