Page 87 of Crazy Pucking Love
No, because then I’ll never let go.
“Hey,” she said, and she reached up and toyed with her earring. A gloriously huge hoop with turquoise beading and matching feathers. A hole opened up in my chest, and I couldn’t believe how much I was going to miss crazy earrings.
“Hey.” I gestured across from me and she slid into the booth. Her eyes went to the sugar caddy, and she ran her fingers across the top of them like I’d done a minute ago.
Larry showed up and poured her a large cup of coffee, dropping a pile of extra sugar packets next to it.
Another thing I hadn’t thought about, Larry being here to witness it all.
Megan dumped in the sugars, snagged a couple more, and then took a sip. For a moment I got lost staring at her lips and the way her tongue darted out and fanned across her upper lip.
“Megan.” I reached for her hand and then decided better of it. I pressed my palm flat against the surface of the table. “We can’t do this anymore.”
“Stay up late drinking way too much coffee?” I think she tried to make it sound like a joke, but her voice squeaked at the end.
Her smile faded, and I had to remind myself that there were so many better guys for her. Maybe she’d meet one in the engineering program. I already wanted to shove whatever robotic creation he made up his ass.
Which was why I didn’t delude myself thinking we could still be friends.
“Wow. I haven’t even uttered the words ‘we need to talk’ or given you the speech I practiced about how I need more of a commitment from you yet. Haven’t even gotten the chance to ask you if you really make bets about sleeping with girls.” Her chin quivered. “I actually spent all weekend telling myself I know you better than that.”
So she knew about the bet, and clearly she was working to convince herself she hadn’t been completely duped—I supposed that would make this easier. But I couldn’t bring myself to let her think she was part of some sick bet. I didn’t want to hurt her more than I had to.
The back of my throat ached, my words scraping on the way out. “It’s just not going to work, this thing with you and me.”
Unshed tears glistened in her eyes and I hated myself. “What was thisthing?I wasn’t another one of your bets, I know there was more to it. The way I feel when I’m with you…” She put her hand over her heart. “You felt it, too, I know you did. I’m not totally crazy.”
A sharp pain stabbed me right through the chest. “I just can’t do the relationship thing right now,” I said. “And now your brother knows, and it’s way too much drama. I don’t have time for it.”
“Oh, so it’s not as exciting now that we’re not hiding. You have to deal with real issues and being part of my life, and that takes effort, I get it.”
I worked to keep my breaths even. In and out. No showing how much this killed me. “I’m trying to end it before anyone gets hurt. That’s it.”
“You’re a little late. Because Iamhurt.” She pinned me with her blue eyes. “In the middle of it all, we were still friends, remember? What? Now you don’t even want to be that?”
“It’s not a good idea. We don’t walk that line very well.” I took a swig of my coffee to have something to do, but all it did was sour in my gut. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out, and I wish you the best.”
I stood and she stood right along with me. “You wish me the best? Really?” She grabbed my arm. “If you’re going to dump me, just have the balls to tell me the truth. Is it someone else? Is that why you pulled away any time I asked for more?”
“Why does it matter?”
“Because it does, and you not telling me is making me think the worst.”
The problem was, it could’ve happened. I didn’t remember the end of Friday night—I was hammered enough that I could’ve screwed up. Megan definitely didn’t deserve a guy like that. But still, the thought of lying and saying there was someone else would crush her, and I didn’t want to crush her. I just wanted her to leave me in the rearview mirror so she could join that program and live her life without having to deal with my messes.
“No, this isn’t about anyone else. It’s because this isn’t working anymore.” My chest ached like someone had reached inside and was twisting my heart, squeezing tighter and tighter, until it threatened to burst. “Like you said, you want more, and I can’t give it.
“You’re the one who paid for the counselor for Lissa, aren’t you?” I blurted it out, not sure why, but I wanted to know I was right about that, too.
Guilt flooded Megan’s features. Then she lifted her chin. “I was trying to help—I’m in a position to, and I wanted her to get the counseling she needed before it was too late.”
For the past month and a half she’d settled for what I could give her, which was pathetic compared to what she gave me. “Thank you for helping my family, but I don’t need your charity. Please don’t butt into my business again.” I hated to push, to imply it had made me want to end things, when it made me want to hug her and never let her go. But it served as further proof I wasn’t right for her.
I tossed a handful of bills on the table. “Like I said before, good luck with everything.”
“Don’t you want to add ‘it’s not you, it’s me?’ How about some other cliché things? Like how I’m going to make someone really happy someday, or that we can still be friends. Oh, wait. You already shot that down.”
A tear ran down her cheek.
