Page 9 of Crazy Pucking Love
“Deal.”
Chapter Four
Dane
As we neared the entrance of the dorm, I slowed my pace, wanting to drag out every second of my night with Megan.
During the past few hours, my mind had been cleared of all my worries, the real world so far away, but knowing the night was about to end made the things I’d pushed away rise up and whisper they’d be waiting.
The whole goal to become a better person started about halfway through last semester, after an ugly confrontation that ended with a sweet girl in tears and me feeling like a giant dick. There’d also been a stupid bet that I’d made with my best friend, Hudson, in the mix, and between those incidents, as well as things that were going on back home because of a decision I’d made, it all added up and forced me to take a hard look at myself and who I’d become.
So I’d made that no more drama goal, sworn off girls in general for a while, and decided to attempt a fresh start. One focused on school and the harder classes I’d added to this semester’s schedule, upping my hockey game, and becoming a better person—it wasn’t something I did lightly, just like it wasn’t an easy thing for me. But I refused to make selfish decisions that’d hurt other people.
One glance at Megan made me want to forget all that—to be the selfish guy I’d been before and not think about the consequences. My fingers itched to reach out and take hold of her hand…to make a move. If I could be a relationship-type guy, it’d be different, but I couldn’t. Especially not during hockey season. I’d tried it before and the crash and burn wasn’t one I wanted to repeat.
Which left me…I didn’t know exactly where. What I should’ve done was stop myself from approaching Megan at the drink table, before I ever heard her amazing laugh or held her hand, or experienced the feeling that we could spend the entire night talking and I’d enjoy every second. If I could go back in time, I told myself I’d make the smarter decision and do the right thing. My lungs deflated at the thought of missing out on this night with her, though.
She turned around near the front door, and the overhead light lit up her hair, her big blue eyes, and the shimmery purple eye shadow on her lids. I was definitely a fan of the cat eye effect she had going on, too.
Thanks to my sisters I knew way too much about makeup. Thanks to my teammates mocking me for it, I also knew better than to mention it.
Regardless of the outcome of our sugar packet field goal competition, I would’ve walked her home, because it was the gentlemanly thing to do, and I genuinely wanted her to arrive safely back at her place. Which was why I’d thrown my last two shots, and I was pretty sure she knew it.
Man, she looked cute in my hoodie, too—I offered it to her when we stepped out of the diner and she immediately shivered, and even though it covered up her curves and was way too big, it still looked better on her than it did on me.
I searched for the right way to say good night to this funny, beautiful girl who’d thrown a dart at my head and made me wish I were in a different place in my life. I should give her the speech about how I’d had fun, but that I didn’t really do relationships. She’d get a slightly different version than I usually gave, becausefundidn’t quite accurately describe my night with Megan. Any other words I tried to find to describe it sounded girlie as shit, so I’d keep them locked inside my brain vault, unlike myGilmore Girlsconfession.
Or the confession about how I struggled with sleep. I’d never met anyone else who fully understood it the way Megan did.
All that aside, the parting statement about not doing relationships would be the same.
How did you say good-bye to someone when you knew it should be more final than you wanted it to be?
Everything that went through my mind sounded like a lame excuse, and I didn’t want to make excuses with her, even though I barely knew her.Maybe…
Maybe what? You could pretend you can balance it all even though you know better, and see if you can’t ruin her life, too, the way you did your ex-girlfriend’s?
My trip home made it clearer than ever that my choices had been more destructive than I’d imagined. Add everything going on with my family, and I needed to make sure a career in the NHL worked out—there was also a fallback option in place, but I’d rather not have to use it.
Maybe after the season I’d have time for a girl like Megan. Time to connect and laugh and make a relationship work. I knew it was a long shot she’d still be single by then, but—
“Dane?”
I glanced down at her. She fiddled with her giant earring, and attraction heated my veins.
“Just making sure you didn’t fall asleep.”
I blinked, and my eyelids did take a bit longer to open than usual. “Not yet. Maybe I’ll manage a couple of hours once I get home, though. I’m actually feeling tired.”
She took off my hoodie and handed it to me. “Good luck on the sleeping thing. On everything.”
The way she said it made me think maybe she felt it, too—that this was one of those passing awesome moments, one too perfect to hold on to forever.I wish I would’ve kissed her at the diner, instead of chickening out.
I’d been trying to be chivalrous, since I’d already gotten in too deep, passing the acceptable time when it could just be about kissing. Only I wasn’t doing that anymore, and after all the talking and laughing in the diner… If I kissed her now and didn’t call, this would be hurt feelings territory for sure, and the thought of that made a tight band form around my chest.
“Good night, Megan.”
A hint of sadness edged her smile. She turned to open the door, and panic flooded me.
