Page 22 of Confessions of a Former Puck Bunny

Immediately self-loathing bobbed its head, bringing an icky, thick sensation with it.And now I’m being a judgmental bitch. Like I couldn’t feel any lower.

I cleared my throat and forced myself to go on. “I used to be the party girl. A puck bunny. I used to go home with guys like Brett. Hockey players have always been my weakness, so you’re definitely my type. There’s a part of me that can’t stop thinking about you in your gear and how hard you must slam into those guys on the ice…”

Somehow I’d gotten closer to him, which was the opposite of what I was going for. I could smell his cologne, watch the flickering lights of the Quad dance across his skin, highlighting each one of his rugged features in intervals. “Even now, with the painful reminder of what happened last time still stinging my heart, I have to fight the urge to close the gap between us, drape myself over you, and kiss you. To show all the girls currently eye-humping you that they might as well back the hell off, because you’ve picked me for a night of sexy fun.”

I swallowed, hard, and forced myself to smother the zip of adrenaline. The thoughts of my lips on his, his callused hands on my skin. “But it’s bad for me to indulge in those thoughts, much less that kind of reckless behavior. No matter how long I’ve been out of the game, people in this world—in your world—will always see me that way.”

I could see it sinking in. Exactly who I was. I didn’t know if the “used to be” came across as loud and clear as I meant it, and it only deepened what I knew I had to do. Ryder was quicksand and I refused to be sucked under, to where I lost myself and ended up having to dig and claw my way back to a person I liked. I’d barely made it out the last time, and sometimes I wondered if I’d left some vital part of myself behind.

“I can’t live in your world,” I said. “I’d only be setting myself up for failure, and I won’t do that to myself. Not after I worked so hard to get past all that shit to where I am now.”

Ryder didn’t speak, didn’t blink, didn’t even seem to be breathing. I leaned in, playing with fire, and kissed his cheek. Then I turned and pushed my way through the crowd, telling this world good-bye for the second time in my life.

But this time, I really, truly meant it.

Chapter Eleven

Ryder

What the fuck just happened?

I’d stood there like an idiot, trying to keep up, but there’d been serious short-circuiting when Lindsay said something about draping herself over me, kissing, and a sexy night of fun…

I’d be lying if I said that it wasn’t a lot of information to take in. She sounded pretty damn sure about not wanting to be part of my world, too. I ran a hand through my hair, tugging on the ends to sharpen my focus. I didn’t drink that much during our game of darts, but the haze was still there, making my thoughts slower than usual.

At the feel of a hand on my arm, I turned, hoping Lindsay had come back.

Instead, one of the girls Lindsay accused of eye-humping me gave me a consoling smile as she rubbed my arm. “Don’t worry, I’ve heard that girl’s a bitch to everyone. If you ask me, you need someone a little friendlier.”

“I didn’t ask you.” Normally, I wasn’t so rude, and I could hear my mom’s gasp in my head, telling me to apologize immediately.

I’d always toed the line, with her and dad—with pretty much everything in my life—and what had it earned me?

Out of the corner of my eye I spotted Brett, shooting his mouth off as usual, and anger bubbled up, fast and hot. I kept a tight lid on my anger, always holding myself in check so I’d be in control at all times, but I didn’t feel like holding back tonight.

I charged over, gripped him by the collar, and slammed him into the nearest wall, making the beer in his hand spill down and darken his blue shirt. “Turns out I don’t want to wait for practice.”

“Aw, did she say no to you? That doesn’t usually happen.”

I slammed him again, his head making a satisfyingthwackagainst the wall. “Don’t ever talk to or about Lindsay again, you hear me?”

For the first time ever, that stupid-ass smirk fell off his face and I saw fear flicker through his eyes as he nodded. His big mouth had finally gotten the best of him, and I was happy to be the one to facilitate the lesson.

“Whoa, big guy. I think maybe we better head outside and cool off.”

I recognized Dane’s voice, and the fact that he’d called me big guy instead of bro threw me off for a second. Brett jerked, trying to get free, and I curled my hand tighter in his shirt.

Dane yanked my arm back, and I wheeled on him. He held up his hands. “Just trying to keep you from doing something stupid, bro.”

There was the bro. Something about it broke through my rage. That and the way Megan was standing off to his side, looking at me with wide eyes.

With a shake of my head, I forced myself to release my grip on Brett and he scrambled away. I almost tripped him, not quite done with my spite, but this time, I used my well-honed restraint.

Dane jerked his head in the direction of the exit and I strode toward it, over this party and this night anyway.

The chilly air hit my skin, cooling me down a couple of degrees and bringing with it a sensation of utter stupidity. What was I thinking, going off like that? I didn’t fly off the handle at every little thing—and while Brett deserved what I’d done and more, I hated that I lost my temper because of some prick like him.

Of course, this wasn’t only about him. I thought of Lindsay sleeping with him, and the anger rushed back, churning along with the toxic jealousy in my gut.

---