Page 25 of Confessions of a Former Puck Bunny

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The fact that I was heading into the library to take my chances with Jeremy—or hell at this point, I’d even take Brittany—showed the level of desperation I’d reached over the past week.

Just as I’d started to grasp the last concept the professor had taught that built on the one our quiz had been on, he thought it was time to throw a whole new one into the mix. He’d barely lectured on it, assigned a butt-load of homework, and left us to his TA, who was one of those smarmy types who thought he was practically a professor. Since the guy was incapable of answering a question without dripping his words in condescension, I was incapable of talking to him without wanting to punch him in the face.

I doubted that’d earn me a passing grade, so after work I’d swallowed my pride and made my way to the tutoring center. Before I committed to stepping through the open doorway, I made sure the coast was clear of any tall, intense hockey players whose killer smiles and sharp wit might strip me of my common sense.

Once I was sure it was safe, I settled at a table near the back and pulled out my books.

“Back again, I see,” Jeremy said with a wide grin on his face, and Brittany fired daggers from her eyes, all aimed at me, not the guy being semi-flirtatious.

Even in the non-sports world, we as women had trouble placing blame where it was due.

“Are you and Brittany an item?” I wasn’t sure why I was suddenly talking like an eighty-year-old, but it was a weird situation, and I didn’t know the proper etiquette for asking a math tutor if he was banging his fellow math tutor.

Pinky up while holding my pencil, maybe?

I laughed at my own joke, and when Jeremy looked at me like I might be losing my mind, I thought there was a good chance he was right. This past week had kicked my ass and come back to gloat.

“We’re, um, hanging out here and there,” he said.

Translation: even I, a scrawny math nerd, am a college guy who doesn’t want to fully commit.

Looked like no guys were safe, so it was a good thing I’d decided to abort any attempt at flirting or casual fun for the rest of the semester. It was just me, my studies, and the paper until mid-May.

Jeremy sat in the chair next to mine and proceeded to “help” me with my homework. I wasn’t sure who was harder to understand—Will, with his British accent and computer coding similes, as if they’d make me goah, like when you type on the computer and make impossible things happen. I totally get it now!Or Jeremy, with his pencil chewing, elvish speaking ways.

When he left me to work on a problem while he moved to help someone else for a bit, Brittany came over.

The desperation responsible for my being here nudged me closer to the dark side. “Can I, uh, ask you a question about my homework?”

She crossed her arms and looked down her nose at me. “Can you, uh, not hit on my boyfriend?”

“I’ll do my best, but he’s just so sexy.” I batted my eyes and threw my hands over my heart. “I think he ate a whole pencil while he helped me.”

With a loud huff, she spun around and left me alone.

Yeah, I suppose I deserved that.Stupid big mouth and my inability to keep it shut. I’d be the type to talk muggersintokilling me. I dropped my head on the table. Gave it a light bump for good measure.

I wonder if the paper will let me stay on as editor if I can’t graduate this year. With only one class left to conquer, I could get a full-time job, and then maybe I could afford one more semester.

If I don’t eat, that is, and who needs food?

Good-bye, hard-to-get internship that took so much string pulling that there aren’t any left.

I let my head knock against the table again, not caring if Jeremy and Brittany were discussing my nervous breakdown.

“Having some trouble?” The deep, familiar voice sent fuzzy tingles through my body, because every inch of me was determined to commit mutiny right now.

I was afraid of what I’d feel if I glanced up at Ryder. Afraid I’d see judgment in his eyes, and I wasn’t sure my ego could take him looking at me differently than he used to right now.

Since I could still feel his hulking presence, making me fairly confident he wouldn’t leave until I responded, I lifted my head.

My heart caught as I peered into his ocean-blue eyes. I didn’t see any judgment. More like a softening I didn’t deserve, and I thought that might be worse. Tears crawled up my throat, and if they burst free, I’d just drop out of college and run away and join the circus.

Or whatever the equivalent of the circus was nowadays.

A strip club’s daytime shift, probably.A whimper escaped at that thought and concern flickered through Ryder’s features. He sat in the chair next to me, facing me so that his knees were on either side of me.

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