Page 79 of Confessions of a Former Puck Bunny

He nodded and pulled me into his arms. The gun clattered to the ground, and I hugged him back. There might’ve even been some literal crying on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered as he ran one hand down my hair and pressed me closer with the other. “I guess I still struggle to believe a girl as amazing and strong as you could want me for me—that I even have a chance at keeping you happy.”

“Are you kidding me? You’re a total catch.” I placed my hand on the side of his face, basking in the scrape of his five o’clock shadow against my palm. “I’ve spent most of the past couple of months wondering why you’d want to be with me.”

“Sounds like we’ve both been a little bit stupid.”

I laughed and then sniffed.

“I’ve always prided myself on my ability to remain in control, but I don’t ever feel fully in control when I’m with you. That night when I saw you with Daniel, I swear it wasn’t about your past, it was the thought that I could lose you—it felt like you were slipping right through my fingers—and that made me lose my mind. Then I did lose you, and now my life doesn’t make sense without you. I don’t want to go back to trying to not rock the boat. I want to rock the boat with you.” He scrunched up his forehead. “That sounds dirtier than I meant it. Not that I don’t want to also rockthatboat with you, but I just mean that you’re my person, and I want to be yours, and I hope I’m not too late.”

Oh, crap. Another wave of tears was forming. “I love you, too, I do—”

He pressed his lips to mine, and I couldn’t help melting into him. A desperate edge tainted the kiss, our lips and tongues urgently seeking more, like we both knew that what I said next might change everything and this might be our last taste.

Once we broke apart, it took me a couple of seconds to catch my breath.

“Just had to do that before you start with your buts,” he said, resting his forehead against mine.

I laughed because he knew me so well, and because he’d told me that when we’d first kissed.Butthen reality set in and it turned into more of a cry than a laugh.

Ryder swiped the tears with the pads of his thumbs, which made the fact that I was crying in front of him slightly less embarrassing.

My head swam and I had to remind myself to inhale and exhale, inhale and exhale… “I have that summer internship set up in New York City that starts the week after I graduate, and I also have this big interview for a newspaper job in New Jersey. If they offer it to me, I know I need to take it—amazing editing jobs don’t come along very often, and thanks to student loans, I have a lot of debt I need to start paying off. I want to be with you, and like I said, I do love you, but do you really think we’d survive a long-distance relationship?”

I wanted to be optimistic and believe that jumping in and making the most of our last few weeks in Boston together would make us strong. Strong enough that even after I moved out of the state, my boyfriend wouldn’t be tempted by the plethora of women who’d throw themselves at him, regardless of how long we had to go between times we could see each other. There was optimistic, then there was naive, and I worried that a foolish idea like that was the latter.

“I know I’m not willing to risk it,” Ryder said.

My heart sank—low enough I’m pretty sure it fell right on out of my body and hit the toes of my shoes. Of course long distance was too much to ask. What was I thinking?

I dropped my head, more tears pooling in my eyes.

Ryder cupped my chin and tipped my face toward his, his large fingers rough and warm against my skin. I loved how he made me feel tiny and protected, yet strong and powerful at the same time. Loved how patient he was when he helped me with my math, teaching me without making me feel stupid, and how he’d dropped his walls with me as much as I’d dropped mine with him. I loved everything about him. Finally I’d found someone who completely understood me, and it didn’t matter.

Confession #24:Life is epically unfair, and if I ever meet it in a dark alley, I’m so kicking it in the balls.

“I’m coming with you,” Ryder said. “I’ll transfer to a college that’s closer to you.”

Wait. What?I shook my head. “No, Ryder, you can’t.”

He nodded his. “Yes, Lindsay, I can.”

I shook my head harder. “Our relationship is still so new, and I know it’ll be complicated, and not always easy, but we’ll figure out another way. You’re about to go defend your championship title—you’re playing for one of the best hockey teams in the nation, which gives you a much better chance to catch the eye of a NHL scout. Your friends are here. Your entire life is here. I can’t ask you to move for me.”

“You’re not asking. I’m telling you.” Ryder brushed his lips across mine and desire and happiness danced across my skin. If I wasn’t afraid of breaking the spell, I might pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. “I’d rather play slightly distracted and have you in the stands cheering for me and waiting for me after the game than have nothing to play for any day. I choose you, and that means wherever you’re going, I’m going there, too.”

Chapter Forty-Six

Ryder

I parted Lindsay’s lips with mine and kissed her, taking my time, happiness replacing the panic that’d edged our earlier kiss.

“I hope you understand that I’m never letting you go again,” I said, wrapping my arms even tighter around her as I added the phrase that had first helped me break through to this amazing girl. “For the record.”

“Good. I’ve got one last math test, and it’d be convenient if I had you next to me, explaining how to get the right answers.” She pressed a kiss to my jaw. “Plus, you’re rather easy on the eyes.For the record.”

I laughed and dragged my nose across her cheek, taking the time to memorize everything about this moment. Her scent, the way she felt in my arms, and the overwhelming happiness that left me a little dizzy and a lot turned on. “I was so worried that I’d be too late and you wouldn’t forgive me.”

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