Page 83 of Until We're More
But it’d hurt so damn badly for him to be close enough to touch without being able to—to see women hitting on him and know he wasn’t mine in that way anymore—and sometimes it felt like missing him would send me to my knees and there’d be no getting back up.
“You’ve got my number,” Carlos said. “Think it over and give me a call.”
After promising I would be in touch, I drove back to Mom and Jesse’s house. Funny how I never called it home, whereas Liam’s place I’d called home without thinking.
None of those thoughts.
Of course, with his childhood home looming out my passenger side window, all those memories mixing in, it was impossible to not think about him.
I need to get away from here.For my sanity, and so my heart could heal.
Call me a romantic, but I had to hold on to the hope that someday my prince would come. I wanted that kind of love, where I was crazy about him, and he was crazy about me, and we’d go all in and—over-romanticized as it may be—we’d have our happily ever after.
If only I could stop thinking about how, after what I had with Liam, my only chance at attaining something close to that would be to settle.
Which just proved once again that I needed to get as far away from here as possible.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Liam
“Oh my gosh, I thought you were grumpy before, but you’re taking it to a whole new level. You’re downright unbearable to be around now.”
I leveled my gaze on my sister, who crossed her arms and glared right back. Ever since she’d called me on “biting her head off” because I missed Chelsea several months ago, I’d tried to keep my grouchiness on the inside.
With Chelsea no longer living at my apartment, her stuff gone by the time I came home Monday night, and her not bothering to answer or return my calls, no amount of smothering could hide my grumpy.
Nothing felt right, and while I told myself that I’d adjusted before, so I could adjust again, I was starting to doubt that I’d ever adjusted in the first place. Deep down, I knew I’d never feel okay again, either.
Since there was nothing for it, I continued my climb into the big caged-off rectangle, where Finn was waiting to take me through striking drills.
Brooklyn came right into the cage behind me, earning a few looks from the other pairs inside. Once they saw the deadly expression on her face, they scooted farther away, giving us a wide berth and returning their focus to their training.
I tried to do the same, lifting my fists in front of my face as I circled Finn.
“Finn, give me the gloves.” Brooklyn held her hand out for them. “I’d like to take a few swings at him. Maybe I can knock some sense into him, since I’m starting to doubt he has any.”
Finn dropped his arms and glanced from me to our sister. I shrugged. She couldn’t beat me up any more than I’d beat up myself. Not that she couldn’t throw a solid punch, but I’d block. Maybe I shouldn’t block.
Clearly tuning everything out and focusing on training and that alone wasn’t working very well, and that wasbeforeBrooklyn decided to confront me about losing Chelsea. It was all I could think about every fucking second of every fucking day since she walked out of my apartment.
I lowered my fists and turned to my sister. “I’m trying to do what’s best for her. Please don’t tell me to be selfish because I already want to do that. You think I don’t realize what I lost? I’m well aware.”
“I think you’re going to be an old man living with regrets.”
“Better me than her,” I shot back, and both of my siblings appeared taken aback.
Brooklyn softened her voice and put her hand on my shoulder. “Did you ever think that instead of assuming you know what’s best for her, you should let her decide?”
My lungs deflated, the way they’d been frequently doing, which made it fucking hard to train. To breathe. To do any damn thing. I’d done the last thing I’d wanted to do—I’d hurt Chelsea and ruined our friendship, doing the kind of damage that couldn’t be undone. “It’s too late.”
“Not yet. But in a couple days, she’s going to leave, and then it might be. You have to do something—tell her exactly how you feel and what you want, and that it’s her. We all can see that.” My sister arched her eyebrows at Finn, urging him to chime in.
“You guys are great together,” Finn said. “I know I gave you shit about it, but it was nice to see you so happy. You need more of that to deal with the stress in your life, and I’m not just saying that because I’m literally your punching bag sometimes.” He swung, sending an easy right hook into my shoulder. “She’s good for you.”
Yeah, but I worried I wasn’t good for her, and I definitely wouldn’t be if I asked her to give up her promotion for me.
Brooklyn squeezed my arm. “Please tell me you’ll think about it.”
