Page 67 of Anatomy of a Player

“It makes me feel guilty, but I really don’t. I’ve dreamed of living in a big city pretty much ever since I can remember, and I love Boston. I do miss my daddy, and I worry about him getting too lonely.”

Hudson lowered his menu, peering at me over it. “Is it weird that I wish my mom was lonely, because it’d mean she wasn’t back with the asshole?”

“Not weird. Maybe wish for a non-asshole to come into the picture.”

“I’ll work on that. But she’s hell-bent on this wedding idea, so…” He shook his head. “And that’s enough talk about parents.” He opened his mouth, but then a girl approached our table.

“Hudson. Hey.”

He blinked at her. “Hey. Imagine running into you here.”

“I work here. Just started last week actually. That’s why I haven’t called you back. Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

She stood there, looking as awkward as this whole situation suddenly felt. She didn’t even glance my way, just continued to stare at Hudson. “Anyway, I’ll catch you later?”

“Sure.”

My stomach bottomed out, the same emptiness filling it as when my teasing had gone wrong in the truck. When the girl turned away, I couldn’t help it—the words came out of my mouth before I could stop them. “I want to be carefree and fun, and I’m trying. I really am. But I also want to know that you’re not sleeping with ten other women.”

“So nine’s okay?”

I could tell he was trying to turn it into a joke, but I couldn’t bring myself to laugh. He reached across the table and took my hand. “Baby, I’m teasing. Right now, there’s just you—that girl is in my sociology statistics study group, and I called for help when I was studying. The truth is, I don’t really date.”

Internally I flinched, and maybe even a little externally, too.

“But here I am.” He rubbed my knuckles with his thumb. “I put on a nice shirt—I only do that for game day, and even then, it’s under duress.”

I cracked a smile. “Well, you certainly fill it out nicely.”

“I know,” he said, which was funny, but also part of the problem. Again, I wanted to be cool. But I’d tried that method before, and I found that guys translated “easygoing” to “doormat.”

“It’s just that…” My brain searched for a good way to explain the doubts stirring up a mess of emotions without sounding like a crazy clingy girl. “Remember that guy at the Halloween party?”

“I remember not liking seeing you near him,” Hudson said between clenched teeth, “and liking him even less when I could tell he made you feel bad.”

“Yeah, well, I thought he and I were dating, but I caught him with another girl, and when I confronted him, he told me we never said we were officially a couple, and that I was too needy for expecting him to not sleep with other girls.”

“Clearly he’s a douchebag.”

“Yes. Yes, he is. But I don’t want to assume something and then end up feeling stupid.”

Oh my gosh, am I really doing this?My heart pounded in my chest and I twisted the linen napkin in my lap.Lyla’s right. I can’t go into this casually, not worried about strings. I’ve done it for too long, and I’m on a different path now. I can’t jump ship simply because sleeping with Hudson would be fun.

Whether or not it bit me in the butt, for once I wasn’t going to wait and see where we stood just because I was too afraid to find out or to communicate what I wanted. “I’m trying not to be that needy girl, but here I am, starting to have feelings for you, and I want to know if I’m the only girl you’re seeing right now.” I’d almost said sleeping with, but we hadn’t quite gotten there yet.

Of course the waitress showed up just then to ask for our drinks. I asked for a Coke, and Hudson told her he’d stick with water. Then he asked her if she could hold off on bringing the drinks until he signaled for them.

When she left, he scooted his chair closer to mine. “I like you, Whitney. I’m not gonna lie, I’ll probably screw up a lot. I won’t say the right thing sometimes, it’s not easy for me to let people in, and I tend to get in my own head a lot, so you might have to give me a nudge here and there, and just tell me what you’re thinking and how you feel—I’ll never guess right. I’ll be crazy busy, and hockey will sometimes come first.”

“Believe me,” I said with a half-laugh. “I know all about that.”

He gave me a crooked smile, then reached down and ran his thumb across my thigh, just under the hem of my skirt. “Don’t worry. You’ll come next.” His thumb moved up an inch higher, and the suggestive brush made a swirl of heat unfurl low in my stomach. “But I promise you, I’ll give you everything I can. I won’t sleep with other girls, and I sure as hell don’t want you to sleep with other guys. Or talk to them. Or look at them.”

I laughed, and then he leaned in, so close that I could see the dark brown rim surrounding his lighter colored irises. “What do you say?”

Was I hallucinating, or had Hudson Decker just said he wanted to be with me? To have a real relationship where I could call him my boyfriend? Hope rose up, but doubt tried to slam it back down.

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