Page 76 of Anatomy of a Player

Which was why I’d sworn off guys. But then Hudson happened, and I couldn’t bring myself to regret it, even though he so wasn’t part of the plan.

“I fell so hard and fast, even though I knew better, and here I am, several months later, still not quite over it.” A tear escaped and ran down Lindsay’s cheek. She quickly swiped it away and sniffed. “Damn it. I swore I’d never shed another tear over Hudson Decker.”

Chapter Forty-One

Hudson

I’d been gathering my hockey gear when I’d heard the knock at the door. My roommates had gone on a Gatorade run and the frantic pounding made me wonder if they’d loaded up with too many bags to get their keys in the door. Why make three trips from the car when you could almost do it in one successfully?

At least they’re back. We need to load up and get to the rink.

When I opened the door, though, it wasn’t Dane and Ryder. Whitney, the very last person I’d expected, stood on my doorstep. As soon as I got over my shock, I leaned in and kissed her. “Hey, baby.” She looked like the real her, but not. She had on the type of clothes I knew she preferred, and her blond hair hung down in waves, highlighting her pretty features, but her carefully guarded expression made it clear something wasn’t right. “Everything okay?”

She shook her head, over and over. “I don’t know. No. Maybe.” She pressed her fingers to her temple. “I’m not sure. I’m trying not to freak out, and I don’t know what to do, and I was going to wait till after the game to talk to you, but then I couldn’t.”

I pulled her inside and wrapped my arms around her. I thought she must be shaking from the cold, although it was a fairly sunny day. November was rarely very warm, but it was probably in the mid-forties—I’d even opened up our windows to get some fresh air flowing in, trying to replace the funky smell that’d resulted from Ryder burning his eggs this morning.

At first, hugging Whitney was like embracing a statue, but then her arms came around me, and something about the entire thing scared me, even though I didn’t know why. I swear she muttered something about “One of the good ones,” but my shirt muffled it.

“What’s going on?”

“I don’t even know where to start,” she said.

I curled my fingers around her chin and tipped her head up so I could get a better read on her. I peered into her blue eyes, unobscured by glasses but glossy with either previously shed tears or forming ones.Yeah, I still have no idea.

She took a step back and my arms suddenly felt empty. “You know I cover the hockey games for the paper, but I’m actually working on more stories than just the sports section.”

“That’s great. That’s what you want, right?”

I think she attempted a smile, but it looked more like a grimace. “My editor’s name is Lindsay. Lindsay Rivera. Does that ring any bells?”

Hell yeah, it rang a lot of bells. Other than a few barely-girlfriends in high school, and the relationship that had crashed and burned when the neighbors found out their daughter was sleeping with the troublemaking foster kid next door, I’d only broken my one and done rule with one other girl. I wasn’t even sure you could call what Lindsay and I did dating, since we mostly hooked up after hockey parties. I’d liked her, though, and thought she was different from the usual girls I’d hooked up with, but I’d been clear about not being able to give her more.

“I’ll take that expression as a yes,” Whitney said, her words clipped.

“Yes. She and I hooked up for a couple of months last spring.” I could only imagine what horrible things she’d told Whitney about me. “I thought it was casual, but once she started calling and leaving me several messages a day, I realized she wanted more than I did.”

“But you couldn’t just nicely tell her that, could you?” Her tone set off a lot more bells, the kind that madewarning, warning, warningflash through my head, and I struggled to find a good response. Problem was, there wasn’t one.

“What do you want me to say? I told you I don’t usually date.”

“So one day you might just forget to tell me that you’re done with me?” The way her voice pitched up at the end killed me, and I quickly grabbed both of her hands.

“No. You and I are different. You get the hockey thing. She said she did, but then she’d call like five times a day and be mad I hadn’t called back, even though she should’ve realized I’d gone right from classes to practice.”

“Would you call her needy, then?”

I knew exactly what she was getting at, and there was no way I was stepping on that landmine, even if Ihadthought Lindsay had been too needy. That prick Whitney had gone out with had told her she was clingy, and now she was thinking I’d do the same to her. “You can call me as often as you want. I’ll try to at least text you back when I’m running from school to practice. Or between reps at the weight room.”

Whitney pursed her lips together, her hesitance to say it would be enough making it clear she wasn’t sure it would be. Maybe all those times I’d fed girls the line about not being able to have a girlfriend during the season was closer to the truth than I’d realized. This was exactly what I was worried about happening when I’d agreed to this in the first place. It was proof that the instant things crossed into defined-relationship territory, it set in motion the push and pull that would gradually tear us to shreds.

All the strings only brought more ways to get tripped up and fail, even when I was trying to work with them.

Maybe it was stupid to even try.

I’d rather lose Whitney as a girlfriend than lose her from my life completely. She was one of the few people who knew the real me, and when life threatened to break me, I needed to be able to call her up and hear her voice. Needed her to make everything else quiet for a while. Maybe we could try again for real after April—March if we didn’t make it to the Frozen Four. An odd mix of wanting to be done with the season early and crushing disappointment over not being able to defend our title clashed through me, leaving a confused mess of disjointed thoughts in its wake.

I tightened my grip on Whitney’s hands and peered into her pretty face. “I suck, okay? I didn’t want to hurt Lindsay’s feelings, so I put off telling her I wanted out from…whatever we were doing, and then she found out in the worst way possible. I can’t change the past. I wish I could promise you more, but all I can promise is that I’ll try.”

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