Page 45 of The Mistletoe Trap
His eyes didn’t quite meet hers before his chin dipped, and her stomach completed a similar move, nosediving all the way to the floor. “Can I come in?”
“Of course.”
Without bothering to push the door open farther, he slipped inside. Her anxieties flared, and she reached up and twisted a strand of her hair around her finger.
He sat on the futon she’d pushed into couch form, in case anyone else needed to use the room during the day. On instinct, she wrapped her arms around herself, afraid she might need to hold herself together for whatever happened next.
While the antsy sensation filling her top to bottom protested the idea of sitting, standing over Gavin as he studiously studied the carpet wasn’t going to calm her worries. If his stiff silence was any indication, she was going to need to be seated for whatever he was about to tell her.
With her heart in her throat, she sat down next to him.What if I thought the kiss was fire, but he didn’t feel the same blaze?
If I can’t incite desire with a kiss that steamy, how am I ever going to be exciting enough in bed?
The realization she wouldn’t be finding out with Gavin slammed into her, and while she’d previously shaken off any idea of crossing lines with him, wicked attraction vibes or not, a hollow ache opened in her chest.
Gavin exhaled, and she closed her eyes, doing her best to steel herself.
“Good to see you took my advice about not wearing pants with”—he made a vague gesture in her direction—“whatever that sexy slip thing is.”
“A nightie. Some people call them teddies or baby dolls, which seems weird. What is it with lingerie having names that sound like little kid toys?”
Gavin huffed a laugh, the surprised sound leading her to believe she’d caught him off guard with her rambling, and at long last, his eyes met hers. “Well, it makes me want to play with you, that’s for sure.”
A thrill fired up her core, even as confusion set in.
“Shit, I shouldn’t have said that. It’s pretty much the opposite of what I came to say.” He raked a hand through his hair, mussing his tight curls. She wished she’d taken the time to run her fingers through the strands while she could’ve. Once back in high school, she’d pulled one of his curls out straight, just to see how long his hair actually was. Even then it’d bordered on too intimate, though, and why was she fixating on his hair?
Better than his lips, right?
Great. Now she was looking at the lips that’d been on hers a couple of hours ago, doing the most perfect demonstration of kissing ever. Another thing she wasn’t going to get to experience again, and her heart twanged at the unfairness. “Just say it. You didn’t feel…a spark or whatever.” She lifted her head higher, choosing thefake it till you make itphilosophy. “It’s okay. I can take it.”
Gavin swiveled toward her, fast enough she thought he’d be the head-butter this time. “No. That’s not it at all. I almost wish…” He lifted her hand carefully, as if it were made of glass. “It’s definitely not that.”
She was fairly sure she nodded, but everything suddenly felt disjointed, as if she were watching herself sit here next to her best friend, not so much experiencing the moment. It didn’t give her any more perspective, but hopefully it’d keep her heart safer.
“That kiss…” Gavin’s voice dropped low, rough and suggestive. “It was amazing, Jules. Which is why I got way too carried away. But it’s not fair to you.”
This time she definitely nodded. Even though she wasn’t totally sure she understood what he was getting at.
“Right now, my only focus has to be on healing this injury and playoffs. I’m afraid that if we kissed again, or took things further, all we’d do is hurt each other and our friendship. We hardly get a chance to chat and spend time together as it is, and if we attempted to throw romance into the mix, it’d only complicate and exacerbate things.”
Julie reached up and pinched her lower lip between her fingers, thinking over his statement. How had she, the person who dissected life, emotions, and the inanest of decisions, forgotten about the logistics part of kissing Gavin? They hadn’t been able to pull off an in-person visit in almost a year. Their calls were often interrupted and cut short, and occasionally, it was all they could do to respond to each other’s texts. “I know you’re right. Even if I’d rather pretend we can just worry about that later.”
“I take full responsibility. I shouldn’t have started the lick-off-the-frosting game.” He swiped his thumb over her knuckles. “Truth be told, I’ve been a bit fixated by that mouth for a couple of days. I’m not sure what triggered it, but…” His tongue came out to moisten his lips, and she accidentally leaned in to him the tiniest bit. “Yeah.”
“It was the elf costume, wasn’t it?”
He laughed. “That definitely didn’t help. Whereas I’m sure my elf costume had you wanting to run away.”
“Only to see if someone could make change so I’d have enough dolla dolla billz to shove in your tights.”
So far, his laughter had been cautious and reserved. The sound of his full, deep laugh soothed her anxieties and acted like a balm to her insecurities. “Admittedly, I’ve had trouble not noticing how very many nice attributes you have lately as well.”
“Guess our parents were on to something after all.”
“They can never know,” Julie said. “We’ll never hear the end of it. At this point we might as well resist for spiteful reasons.”
Gavin’s grin stretched across his face. “Seems less frustrating than ‘timing’s a bitch’ to me. And that’s honestly what it is. I don’t have the time or the mental headspace for dating or relationships. This is my first year starting, and I know I haven’t been the most open about how things went down with Kristin, but—”
