Page 59 of Bang Buddies With Benefits
“Okay,” he said.
As soon as he was out of earshot, I rattled off everything I’d been holding back, speaking so fast they probably thought I’d switched to Spanish. I told them about how unfair it was they’d held me to a different standard than Mark, rattled off my stats, and told them that they of course were free to make whatever decision they felt was best, but that if I didn’t make partner now, I’d leave and go somewhere that recognized what I—just me and me alone—brought to the table.
They all gaped and blinked, and Rodger tried to interrupt me once, but I wasn’t having it.
I gave a sharp nod and then glanced over my shoulder to where Zac was waiting. “Now, if you’ll excuse me. I have to go sort out my love life. Which, no offense, but is none of any of your business.”
I walked away, not turning back, which was really hard. My pace picked up as I neared Zac, the clack of my heels louder and louder. Then I was practically running, and I had to remind myself that I couldn’t jump into his arms without flashing everyone.
In the end, I looped them around his neck and hugged him with the buildup of several days. “I can’t believe you’re here.”
He splayed his hand on my lower back. “I promised that I’d help you land the partnership spot, no matter what.”
“Oh.” I lowered myself to the ground. Had I read this entire situation wrong? I tucked the hair the wind kept blowing into my face behind my ear. “Of course. That back there. That was… just for show?”
Seconds piled up, one after another.
And then everything within me unraveled as he lifted his hand, cupping my cheek and swiping the pad of his thumb across the sensitive skin. “How can you be so smart and so clueless?”
I covered his hand with mine, holding it in place. “Seriously? I’ve missed you all week, and you decided to come to this big fancy party just to insult me?”
“You’ve missed me all week?”
Shit, the tears were coming. I blinked, but with Zac here in front of me, they brimmed and fell, and there went my mascara, but I didn’t even care. “So, so much. I wanted to call you so many times. To tell you I couldn’t stop worrying about how well you recovered…”
I ran my gaze up and down him. “Which, damn. Breathing looks good on you.”
His huffed laugh filled the air between us as he lowered his forehead to mine. “Thanks. You’ve always been a bit stingy with the compliments but that one—”
“I know, isn’t very good. I’m not done, though. See, I’m not the best at phone calls, but then I got this big settlement for my client, and I wanted to call you and tell you. I’d glue the fucking phone to my ear if it meant hearing your voice on the other line. You’re so smart and funny and kind, and the things you do with this body are insane. Not just the sex, either, but wrapping me in your arms and the cuddling and the kissing, and you, you, you were all I could think about.
“But I couldn’t bring myself to call or show up at your bar or your door, because I got scared and ruined everything. I walked away, only to realize how much I love you, and that scared me, too, and I’m so sorry. If you need time to process, or all you want is for me to be a peach on your screen again, I’m willing to do that for now. Just please say you’ll give me another chance because I’m not okay, and I don’t think I can ever be okay again if you’re not in my life in one way or another.”
Whoa. That all came out. Not planned out or pretty, but raw and with my entire soul behind it.
“I’m afraid I can’t do that,” Zac said, and my heart stopped. “See, that’s just not enough for me anymore.”
My attempt to swallow went nowhere and I nodded and nodded. I hadn’t even realized I’d begun backing away until Zac stepped forward and caught my chin between his thumb and forefinger and forced me to look up into his blue, blue eyes. They outshone the ocean and cloudless sky behind him, even with the lights flicking on in the harbor, and every single cell in my body flooded with the affection and adoration I had for him.
“Hey now. No getting scared again. We’re going to talk things through, not run away from them, okay?”
I nodded, and he smiled and flicked my earring. “That noise,” he said. “You know I can’t get enough of that tinkling sound, usually caused by you shaking your head. It now feels like a gift just for me.”
Before now, I’d doubted self-combustion was a thing, but it was about to happen to me. My body became one big flame, ready to burst and turn us both into a fiery inferno. “Okay. Now you please say stuff. Tell me precisely what you mean, because I need to hear it.”
“You’re saying that you need me to tell you that I’m in love with you, too,” he said, and I nodded, and his smile widened, and my heart threatened to burst from the passion and joy as I held my breath and waited and hoped and dreamed. “I’m in love with you, Catalina. I wanted to tell you at the hospital, but—”
“But I ruined it, and I’m sorry and—”
He placed a finger to my lips. “This is my confession now, so shh.” He lowered his mouth to mine, softening his chiding with a kiss and then inhaling me as he wound his arms around me. “I knew there was more, and I’m glad you told me. It took me some time to sort it out, and I should’ve told you how sorry I am that you ever went through that.”
I almost replied, but then I remembered I was listening, and judging from the smile I felt beneath my lips, he knew I was struggling to keep my mouth shut.
“Honestly, I was afraid I’d never compare to him, and while I’m still worried that’s true, I promise that if you give me a little leeway, I’ll spend my life trying to live up to the man who clearly loved you as much as I do.”
Tears burned my eyes, and I couldn’t help it. Ihadto reply. “That’s the thing, though. Love’s not a pitcher; it’s an endless well. It doesn’t run out. I loved him, and I love you, and there’s no reason to compare. If anything, I feel so lucky to have been so loved. I want to celebrate it. I want to find new ways to love, and I want to pour out that love on you.”
“I think I can live with that,” he said, a teasing note to the statement he sealed with a kiss. “God, I love you.”
