Page 60 of To Keep A Wolf
Forever.
CHAPTER17
Back at the cabin, I head for the van. The others hang back, chatting about clean-up. Maybe it makes me rude or a bad house guest, but I don’t give two shits about the dead tracker’s blood and guts coating the back lawn. Not when Jadick’s left an innocent life on the steps of the alpha house in much the same way.
“Mac.”
I hear my name just as I’m rounding the front of the house.
I keep walking.
“Mac, don’t walk away from me,” Levi says when I don’t respond.
I turn to face him, noting the dark angles of his features accentuated by the shadows. His eyes soften at the sight of me, though it only seems to emphasize his predatory side. He’s angry. Not at me. But even so, his fury is a taste on my tongue, and the grief inside me wants to swallow it whole.
“Talk to me,” he says.
“Where are the others?”
“Cleaning up.”
I don’t answer.
“It’s not your fault, you know.”
Something in my expression must convey that he’s hit the bull’s eye with those words because he reaches for my hand, snagging it before I can pull away.
“Come on.” He leads me toward the van and slides open the door, motioning for me to get inside. He follows and shuts the door behind us. It’s not enough to be soundproof, but at least there’s some modicum of privacy here.
Levi sits beside me on the mattress.
“Jadick’s the killer. The monster. He is the one to blame for this pain. Not you.”
His words are firm but tender enough to rip open the wound I’ve been holding closed since the moment I saw the video’s horrors.
“It’s just… when is it too much?”
My voice breaks, so I shut my mouth, swallowing hard against the wave of emotion. If I don’t talk and don’t breathe and don’t touch anyone, maybe I can hold all of it inside me—
But then Levi yanks my hand to pull me close and folds me in against his chest, and the dam breaks. It’s not tears. More a rush of feelings I’ve kept at bay for, well, maybe forever. My breaths are labored despite sitting still. It’s not a physical exertion; it’s an emotional one. Fury, rage, helplessness, it’s all there. The best I can do is swallow down my own screams that threaten to come with it. Instead, I breathe deeply against Levi’s chest, my shoulders wracking with silent agony. This is more than grief. This is helplessness and rage. I want nothing more than to take my emotions out on the one who deserves it most, but without that option, apparently sitting like this, nearly hyperventilating while I feel through it all, is the one thing my body can do to purge the fury.
Levi holds me tight, brushing a hand down my hair.
He doesn’t speak, and I sink into the comfort of his silent soothing.
Finally, I catch my breath. When I pull away, Levi’s lost all traces of the battle-ready expression he wore earlier. Instead, there’s no sign of stress or worry or problems. There’s only this: him and me.
“I hate that I’m always falling apart around you,” I say.
“I love it,” he says, and I glare at him.
“You love that I’m a sobbing, helpless mess in your arms?” I ask, an edge to my voice.
“You weren’t sobbing this time,” he points out, which only makes me glare harder. His smile turns sheepish. “Okay, that came out wrong. I love that you feel safe enough with me to let your guard down. That’s how I know you’ve really forgiven me.”
“Of course I’ve forgiven you. I told you—”
“I know what you told me. But you’re still mad I’m going to challenge Jadick.” His brow arches as if to contest that fact.
