Page 138 of Between Regrets and Promises

Minus the throwing up, this is worse than the flu. My mind won’t turn off, and I can’t stop feeling like his hands are still on me. The way he intimately touched me haunts my thoughts as I think about his fingers on my chest and between my legs. The fucking sicko had the audacity to do whatever he pleased to my body, and no amount of washing feels clean enough.

Worst of all, my heart hurts.

The Monday after the incident, Mason was forced to go to work although he wanted to stay home with me. I was still too beaten and bruised to go to rehearsals, so once again, I called Mr. Tanner, my director, and explained the situation as vaguely as I could without breaking down on the phone. He told me to take as long as I needed and not to worry about anything. Truthfully, I’m so lucky he doesn’t kick my ass out, but I’ve been with the symphony for over three years, and I’m dependable.He’s also well aware of what happened with Weston and the abuse I endured.

The next evening, Officer Fisher called to confirm they found Dacia’s body in Dalton’s trunk, just as he’d said. I was happy Mason was with me when I learned the horrific news because I felt like I was having a nervous breakdown. The realization of what happened to her made me physically ill, but instead of vomiting, I cried uncontrollably. I suspected she was dead, but I held on to a tiny bit of hope that Dalton was lying. That he only said it to scare me and prove how powerful he was. Although deep down, I knew he was probably telling the truth, but I tried to be optimistic.

The thought that it could’ve been me haunts me every damn second as I mourn the loss of my friend. I’ve been harboring so much guilt about the fact she died because of me. She didn’t have to, and that bastard could’ve spared her life, but when you’re a heartless asshole, you don’t care about anyone or anything.

Dalton is empty. I could see it in his soulless eyes. He wanted to cause me extreme pain and to take everyone down with him. I don’t know what his plan was originally, but I can’t help but wonder if he thought he was going to die too. Or if he wanted to.

Weston died because he tried to kill Mason, Hunter, and Liam. Without a doubt he would’ve killed me too if he’d had the chance. Dalton wanted revenge in the worst way.

They were both monsters, and I’m not sorry for what ultimately happened to either of them.

I’m only sorry that Dacia paid the price for trying to protect me.

Unable to keep my thoughts from unraveling, I haven’t been able to sleep in days. My body passes out after hours of crying, but I’m not really sleeping. I don’t wake up rested. In fact, I wake up tortured.

“Soph?” Mason’s soft voice lingers in my ear. It’s been a week since the incident, and I still can’t get Dacia out of my head. Her family had a funeral for her yesterday, but it was a private ceremony only. They didn’t know me, and I wasn’t sure I could handle going anyway.

“Hmm?” I answer with my eyes closed and my cheek pressed against his chest. The swelling in my face has gone down, and my ribs don’t hurt as badly, but I still ache, though I think it’s more of a mental pain at this point.

“Are you hungry? You need to eat, babe.” He brushes a loose strand of hair off my face. “I can make tacos.”

“I don’t have an appetite,” I tell him honestly.

“I know, sweetheart. Could you try, though? I’m worried you’re gonna get dehydrated or starve. You’ve barely left your room.” The concern is evident in his tone, so I try to get my shit together.

“Actually…” I wipe my face and sit up, knowing I look like a hot fucking mess. Mason showered with me two days ago, and I haven’t had the energy to change clothes or brush my hair since then. “I talked with my parents yesterday, and I think going to Utah for a bit would help me. I need a change of scenery.”

Mason searches my face, and I know this is probably a shock to him. As weird as it sounds, this past week has felt like it’s pulled us apart while at the same time bringing us together. “Do you want me to go with you? I can get off work for a few days, I’m sure.”

“I think I need to do this alone. My dad has a friend who’s a professional counselor that I can speak with, and I think being back home will help me get out of my own head a bit,” I explain, hating the pained way he’s looking at me. “I should’ve talked with someone after shit went down with Weston, but since I didn’t, I’m carrying the weight of both on my shoulders.Admittingly, I need help to get through this, and staying here, crying in my bed, isn’t what I need.”

Mason swallows, and I’m sure he’s trying to think of ways to keep me here, but when his expression softens, he knows I’m right. I need professional therapy to deal with the demons that threaten to take over.

“Okay, baby,” he finally responds. I know he’s tried to help—he’s been amazing, actually—but I need more than what he can give me right now. “If that’s what you think will help you, then I’ll support your decision. Do you need me to do anything? Find flights for you or anything?”

“My dad already booked one for me. It leaves tomorrow at eight a.m.”

“Oh. Okay. Can I drive you to the airport at least?”

“Yeah, I’d like that.” I smile at him, knowing this hasn’t been easy for him either. He’s getting shit from his father again, but at least he didn’t have mandatory leave from work this time. I’m thankful for that because I’m not sure I could feel guilty about one more thing right now.

Later that night while I’m packing, Lennon and Maddie come over. They’ve been quiet, neither knowing what to say or how to comfort me. Not that I can blame them. Nothing they can say or do will change the way I feel or what’s happened. Being with them like this is enough for me.

“You sure you want to go home without us?” Lennon asks, half-teasing. “I forgot how small our beds were until I went back and realized we basically slept in shoe boxes.”

That has me laughing a little, mostly because it’s true. Even my bed at my old apartment was bigger than the one I had at my parents’ home. Of course, Mason insisted on getting me a queen bed, which is perfect, considering he hasn’t left my side all week. He’s laid with me every night, holding me as I cry myself to sleep. Mason’s been so patient and caring, and I feel bad forleaving, but I can’t be a shell of a person anymore. I need to figure out how to work through these feelings I have, and I hope being in Utah will be a good start in that direction.

“Yeah, I think it’ll be good to get some fresh mountain air,” I say, half-teasing. “There are a lot of memories here weighing me down.” Considering it all happened across the street, it’s impossible to fully get away.

“I can’t tell you how scared I was when Hunter finally told me everything,” Lennon admits softly. Knowing the guys risked their lives for me again is almost too much to handle. Though they tell me it was nothing, that they’d do it for any one of us, I can’t help but think if something would’ve happened, and those thoughts weigh heavy on my chest.

Lennon hasn’t said it, but I can’t imagine she’s happy that I’ve put Hunter in danger twice now. He’s such a good guy that he’d never let his friends fight alone, but if anything had happened to them, I wouldn’t be able to live with that. Lennon’s already lost so much.

“Liam told me, and I was shaking the whole time,” Maddie adds.

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