Page 139 of Between Regrets and Promises

Mason told them both not to come over that night, knowing I wanted him to hold me, but they came over first thing the next morning. They hugged me for hours, and it felt good to have them here. But I knew they had their own lives to get back to and sitting with me wasn’t going to change what happened, so I eventually had to push them out that night. They’ve called and texted me every day since, of course.

Déjà vu.

That’s what this fucking feels like.

But this time, I’m going to get real help because that’s what I need. I want to be the friend, the sister, and the girlfriend they know and love. I can’t be that when I’m drowning in my own guilt, choking on my emotions, and hardly surviving.

“Do you know where Dalton is?” Lennon asks. “Has he been transferred yet?”

“As far as I know, he’s still in the ICU. He developed an infection after surgery, so they had to keep him longer,” I say, repeating the words Mason told me yesterday. Mason’s been in contact with the officer, and he has enough friends in the department to get whatever information he wants. “I’ll be satisfied when he’s in prison across the country.”

“Or maybe he should be six feet under,” Maddie chimes in. “That’d makemesatisfied.”

She told me the day after when they came to visit that she regrets leaving me alone with him in the car. When we dropped her off before our meeting, she said her gut said not to leave me. But she couldn’t have known. None of us did, not until it was too late.

“He’ll get his justice,” I try to reassure her. “Someday.”

“Not soon enough,” Lennon mumbles.

We were all raised in a Christian household, went to church weekly, and attended Bible study classes from the moment we could read. Forgiveness was embedded into our minds since childhood, but it hasn’t always been easy to do. Forgiveness isn’t for the people who’ve hurt and betrayed you. It’s foryou. To give you a peaceful mindset and to help you let go of what you can’t control.

Forgiveness isn’t easy. It isn’t something that can be done overnight, but it’s something I can focus on to try to release the anger. Forgiving someone for their actions doesn’t mean forgetting. It only means realizing what’s been done can’t be changed and no longer allowing it to control your every waking moment.

I want to forgive the things that cannot be changed and move on with my life once and for all, but I’ll never forget. Never.

“I’ll be sure to tell Mom and Dad you both said hello.” I snicker, pulling myself away from those thoughts with hopes to change the subject.

The next morning as Mason drives me to the airport, he holds my hand as if it’s his lifeline. I hate leaving him behind, but this is what I have to do, even if he doesn’t want to let me go. He’s protective and has told me every day for the past week how much he loves me, and I don’t doubt it for a second. Hearing those words feels so magical, especially considering how long he’s hid and tried to fight his feelings over the years. I know he means them. I mean them too. I love him so damn much.

Once we arrive, Mason pulls over into the drop-off zone, and we only have a minute to say goodbye.

“I understand why you’re going, but I’m still sad you won’t be home with me every day and that I can’t protect you.” He brushes my hair from my face as the wind picks up. Mason sets my suitcase down and cups my face. “I’m gonna miss you so damn much, baby.” With our foreheads pressed together, tears fill my eyes at the pain in his voice. “Don’t cry, sweetheart. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here, waiting for you to come back home to me.”

I told myself I wasn’t going to cry, but I’ve been crying for a week straight, so why should I have expected today to be any different?

“I know,” I say softly. “Thank you.”

“Will you text or call me when you land, please? So I know you got there safely.” We pull apart, and I nod.

“Of course. It’s not a long flight. I’ll text as soon as I’m there, then call you before I go to bed,” I promise.

“I never got to take you on our first date, you know…” Mason says with a small smirk. “I hope we can do that once you’re back.”

“That’d be great,” I tell him honestly. Being gone for a week isn’t gonnafixme, but distance will help in the meantime.

“Okay, baby. I better go before they all start honking at me.” Mason cups my cheeks once again and slants his mouth over mine. At first, it’s slow and testing, and then he deepens it, sliding his tongue between my lips and seeking more. A moan escapes me as he presses his body into me, and it’s when a car tire squeals that I remember we’re not alone.

“I’ll see you on Saturday. I love you,” he whispers before pulling away.

Looking up into his gorgeous brown eyes, there’s so much sincerity in them. Mason is my whole world, and I’d be crashing down without him.Lovedoesn’t seem like a strong enough word to describe the feelings I have for him.

“I love you, too,” I tell him.

He looks so damn sad, which has me tearing up.

Mason wipes away my endless tears. “Text or call me anytime during your trip, okay?”

I nod, sniffling as I wrap my arms around him for one final hug. Then I grab my suitcase with my backpack on and head toward the sliding doors. Glancing over my shoulder, I blow a final kiss to the man who holds my whole heart in the palm of his hand.

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