Page 165 of Between Regrets and Promises

He shrugs, pours himself a cup of coffee, and plops at the table as if the room isn’t thick with tension. “What were you two lovebirds discussing?”

I roll my eyes at his loaded question. “Your mom.”

He lets out a big fake laugh. “Oh man, Sophie. Maybe you should become a comedian. You’re so quick with the jokes!” Liam raises his mug with a smirk.

“Good, because it’s my plan B when I get kicked off the symphony.” I glare without really meaning it.

“Oh, is that today?” he asks apologetically, and I hate that I’ve made him feel bad about it.

“Yep, which means I better get moving so I’m not late on my first day back.” I stand and put my plate in the sink. “Thanks for breakfast, Mason.”

Our eyes meet, and for a moment, all I want to do is get lost in him, but I notice Liam staring, so I force my legs to move. I go to my room and get dressed for work, but it proves to be more difficult than I expected. Nothing feels or looks right, and I change my outfit four different times before settling on something more comfortable—black slacks and a cream blouse.

It’s been a while since I’ve been around my colleagues, and I’m more concerned about the looks and questions I’m going to get. However, I’m rusty from not practicing too. Today, there will be no playing from memory, and I’ll be forced to sight read every piece of music I have.

I check the time, then grab my violin case and rush out the door. Before I set it on my passenger seat, I open the case and make sure it’s still there. Slowly, I run my fingers across the smooth grain of the wood before shutting it. Taking in a deep breath, I start the car and drive across town. Though I’ll be early, it’ll give me enough time to find a dash of courage to go inside. On the way over, I listen to music, hoping to keep my mind busy, and it works until I pull into the parking lot.

My nerves are on edge, so I focus on the positives. Other musicians begin showing up, and I finally decide to join them. People greet me, but no one brings up the obvious of me being gone for weeks, which helps me relax. Mr. Tanner enters and greets me with a kind smile, but that’s as far as the conversation goes. As everyone arrives, I sit and begin warming up, and I realize how off I am. I’m already struggling.

We start at the beginning of our set, and within the first few measures, I miss a note, then another, then another. By the time we’ve played through two songs, I’m so damn frustrated with myself that I can barely concentrate. The mistakes I’m making are novice ones. Anxiety slaps me in the face, and I worry that coming back was a bad idea. The confidence I once had when I play has disappeared.

By the time we take our midday break for lunch, I’m nearly in tears as I walk to my car. It’s as if Mason knows because I get a text from him.

Mason

How’s it going?

Sophie

TERRIBLE!

Mason

Oh no. I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?

Of course, his thoughtful words fill me with warmth. He’s always trying to save me, but he can’t save me from this.

Sophie

No. I think I’m gonna go home.

Mason

Do it if you need to. You don’t have to rush into anything until you’re ready, Soph.

Sophie

Thanks. I appreciate that.

Mason

Anytime. Oh hey, I’m probably gonna be staying late at work today, but we should watch a movie or something later.

Sophie

Deal.

Instead of returning, I take Mason’s suggestion to heart and decide to text my director and let him know I’m going home andwill be back in a day or two. I feel like a fucking failure and so deflated. He doesn’t have any issues with it and tells me he’ll see me then. I’ve kept him in the loop of what’s been going on, and he’s been more than supportive.

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