Page 166 of Between Regrets and Promises

Once I’m home, I want to crawl in bed and bury myself under blankets for a week, but instead, I set up my music stand and chair. I’m more than determined to get this right, and there’s no excuse for how I performed today.

Basic missed notes are unacceptable and performing like that, even during a rehearsal, means I could be replaced. I’ve worked too damn hard for this, and before I go back to work, I need to be more prepared. I’m pissed at myself for thinking I could walk in there and nail every song. I’m good, but I’m no maestro, especially after not playing for weeks. So for the rest of the day, I practice.

I practice until I’m fatigued.

I practice until I close my eyes and picture the music notes on the page.

I practice until my arms and fingers hurt.

I deserve this. I deserve to feel the pain.

Page after page, note after note, I repeat bars and measures until I nail each one. But I’m growing more frustrated with myself because I begin to make new mistakes. I stand, stretch, use the bathroom, then go back to my chair, and start at the beginning again.

At some point, I obsessively repeat one melody and play it over and over and over until a knock rings on my door. I ignore it, but my door cracks open.

“Soph,” Liam says cautiously, looking at me with soft eyes.

“What?” I snap. “Don’t you see I’m trying to practice?” I don’t mean to project my agitation toward him, but I can’t help it.

“You’ve been playing the same song for over three hours.” His voice is calm, and I can hear the concern behind his tone.

I’m nearly shaking when I let out a breath. “So what? I have to do this, Liam. I’m fucking up too much. I felt so damn stupid in there today making mistakes I haven’t made since I was fourteen years old. It was ridiculous and embarrassing.”

He walks inside and crosses his arms over his chest. His demeanor grows more serious as he takes the violin from my hand and sets it on the bed. I’m ready to punch him in the face for pulling me away, but maybe he’s right.

“Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity…I think.” He chuckles. “If you keep on, you’re gonna send yourself into a nervous breakdown. Hell, you might send me into one too. If I hear those notes played one more time, I’m admitting myself into the psych ward.”

I swallow down the lump in my throat and groan. I became too focused. “I’m sorry. I just?—”

“I get it,” he interrupts. “ I do, but maybe you should take a break. You don’t want to push yourself too hard, too soon. It’s not productive.”

I stand and stretch again, realizing how stiff I am, and he smirks because he knows he’s right.

“Look, it’s after five. Let’s go out and have a drink or something.”

Shaking my head, I look at him like he’s lost his mind.

“Come on. Please? I’ll pay!” He gives me big puppy dog eyes as he continues to beg.

“I don’t feel like it. Being around people is the last thing I want to do right now,” I admit.

“Sophie. Pretty, pretty, pretty please. Just one drink. That’s all, I promise.” Liam is ridiculous, and it’s hard for me to say no when he acts like this.

“Ugh,” I say with a groan.

“So does that mean yes?” A smirk plays on his lips.

“I guess! You’re so dramatic,” I tell him. He holds out his hand like he wants a high five, but I totally leave him hanging.

“We’re leaving in ten minutes. I don’t want to give you any time to change your mind,” he singsongs and walks out of my room.

I put my violin in the case, but I’ll practice again tomorrow with a clear head and be more than ready in a couple of days. The last thing I want to do is to let down my director, my colleagues, and more importantly, myself. After I change out of my work clothes, I walk out of my room, and he’s already waiting by the door.

“Why are you dressed so nice?” I look at him from head to toe.

“To impress the ladies,” he says matter-of-factly, causing me to snort.

“I’m telling Maddie,” I tease as we walk out to his truck.

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