Page 34 of Between Regrets and Promises

Liam places the blanket he brought on the ground, and Maddie and I plop down. Mason sits on the other side of me, shockingly. Liam’s on the end, focused back on his phone.

Maddie leans back on the blanket. “Remember when we’d watch the fireworks show at home?”

I smile, thinking about Lennon. “Yeah. Sneaking up to our secret spot to get the best view.”

“Yep. You know how many boys I’ve kissed up there?” She giggles, the corner of her lips tilting up devilishly. We weren’tallowed to date, but that didn’t mean Maddie didn’t sneak around.

“I can only imagine,” I truthfully say.

Mason’s arm brushes against mine, and my body buzzes. I glance at him and wonder if he felt what I did. Thankfully, the fireworks begin and pull my attention to the sky, though I still think about that night we met. If he weren’t friends with Brandon, and if Lennon weren’t my sister, maybe things between us would’ve been different. He’s never given me a real explanation as to why he’s not relationship material, and after this amount of time, I don’t expect one. It doesn’t mean I can just forget about what happened between us, though I’m sure he wishes I would. To me, it was magical, unforgettable, and even if he doesn’t admit it, the electricity still streams between us.

And I’m not sure the way I feel about him will ever go away, though I kind of wish it would so I could get on with my loveless life.

CHAPTER SEVEN

MASON

EIGHT MONTHS EARLIER

No one will ever truly knowwhat causes someone to take their own life, and as I stare at the scene of the accident and take notes, I’m sick to my fucking stomach.

Looking around the apartment, I notice everything is perfectly in place. A notebook lies on the bed along with her cell phone, a stack of schoolbooks, and an empty pill bottle. It was her third attempt, but this time, she succeeded. On her dresser are pictures of her with friends and family, and I wonder if she contacted any of them and told them what she was going to do.

My emotions begin to bubble to the surface, heat rushes to my face, and I have to excuse myself from the room. It’s okay not to be okay, and right now, I’m definitely not. Too many memories flash before my eyes, and I’m weak in the knees as I think back to my college days.

“Mason,” Detective Ducet calls out. I want to eventually go into investigations, and I have to be able to handle death and horrific scenes, but this one hits a little too close to home.

I scrub a hand over my face, then walk over toward him. “Make sure you observe how they collect the evidence. Smith is taking photos and marking the scene. I’ll see you back at the office, but I think this is a cut-and-dried case. After getting statements from her parents and learning this wasn’t her first attempt, I don’t think any foul play was involved.”

I nod.

“You look like shit. You eat something bad?” he asks.

“Yeah. I think so,” I lie, not wanting to open the closet where I hide all my skeletons. “I’ll be just a second.”

I take a deep breath, pull my shit together, then go back to continue to help process the scene. Once I’ve done my due diligence, and watch the forensic investigators do their thing, I head to the office. My mind wanders, and I find myself falling into a dark place, one I try not to visit often. After the day is over, I grab my stuff and head home with a mind full of shit I don’t want to think about. All I want to do is relax, wash off the day, and push it all away.

I think most people who have jobs of this nature have to compartmentalize it all. Otherwise, it’s a lot of heaviness to deal with on a daily basis. But I also believe we’re helping people when we solve cases and find the bad guys, or at least, that’s what I tell myself.

The moment I’m home, I see Sophie and Maddie are here again hanging out with Liam. They’ve been around more and more, and though I purposely push Sophie away, wanting to keep her at arm’s length, I can’t deny that I enjoy her presence. Hearing her laughter, seeing her smile, listening to her talk about her job and how much she loves playing—all that brings me so much happiness. Sometimes when I don’t think she’s looking, I’ll grin, but inevitably, she catches me, so I put my guard back up again.

The four of us have hung out before and watched movies. We’ve even been able to laugh and hold a real conversation too. At times, I notice myself failing at keeping her at bay, my resolve vanishing, and I have to remind myself not to give Sophie the wrong idea. The last thing I want is to lead her on and have her think I can give her more, when I can’t. At those moments, I put my shield back up and push her away again.

Today was rough, bringing back memories I’ve tried to forget, and when I see them here again, frustration builds inside me. The demons I try so hard to control came back in full force today from just that one scene.

Liam greets me as soon as my eyes meet his, and Maddie mutters something under her breath about how I look like shit. Liam smirks in agreement, but he knows what my job entails and that it’s bound to hit a nerve. Instead of responding to either of their comments, I grunt and head upstairs to take a shower. It’s not their fault, but I need time after work to decompress and get the day out of my head.

I knew what I was getting into when I decided to major in this field and even more so when I realized where I could potentially work in the future. I knew I’d be dealing with horrendous situations like abuse and homicide, including kids, teenagers, and the elderly. In my mind, I knew what to expect. But today—today triggered me for the first time in a long time, probably years.

I stand in the shower and allow the hot water to roll over my tense muscles to try to settle my nerves, but it doesn’t seem like enough. The weight of the day still sits heavy on my chest. Once I’m done and dressed, I head downstairs to the kitchen and pull a beer from the fridge. When I plop down on the chair, the three of them turn and stare at me, but I focus on the TV.

“Well, hello to you, too,” Maddie chides in her snarky tone, which causes me to roll my eyes.

“Why are you always here?” I ask sharply. “Don’t you have some dance routine to learn or something?”

She laughs sarcastically. “Wow, good one. Maybe you should’ve been a comedian with all the jokes you have.”

“Perhaps it’s time for you two to pay rent since you’re here basically every day,” I throw back at her, glancing at Sophie, who’s scowling at me. I notice how she’s chewing on the side of her cheek, probably so she doesn’t tell my ass off, but considering the way I’m treating them, I deserve it.

---