She squeezes my hand softly. “The entire time, I thought about you. After that kiss we had, I couldn’t help myself. I was hyped up anyways, but once our lips met, I felt the tingles that you’re supposed to feel, the desire. It scared me.”
“Is this the first time you have had feelings for a girl?”
She shrugs. “I think a lot of women are pretty, but I never actually thought about them like that. I always assumed I was too focused on my studies and that was why I never found many boys attractive, but now I’m wondering if it’s because I’m not into guys at all.”
“This is something you should explore. I can’t tell you what to do or how to navigate it because I, myself, am into guys, but there’s nothing wrong with being into girls. There’s nothing wrong with being into girls and guys. There’s nothing wrong with not being into either. I’m always here for you if you want to talk or even if you just want to sit in silence. Don’t hesitate to contact me.”
“Thank you, Victoria. You have been the best mentor throughout this whole thing. I couldn’t have asked for a better person. I’m not sure I’m ready to explore anything yet, but I think you’re right. I need to allow myself to feel the feelings and evaluate them as they come.”
“I mean it. I’m always here.”
She stands before coming to give me a hug. “You’re an amazing person.”
???
Chapter Nine
December
As a graduation gift, Mom and Dad rented a cabin on Lake Satire about an hour from home. I stare at the flames of the fire while curled up on a lounge chair with a blanket thrown over me, thankful that I’m done for the semester. Done with high school. Just done.
“I can’t believe you went and graduated without me,” Keaton teases from his spot on the outdoor couch.
“No? Honestly, I didn’t even think it was possible until the beginning of the year when Ms. Biel gave me the option.” I shrug.
“I guess it pays to be an overachiever,” Finley mutters before tossing his drink back.
I roll my eyes. “I’m not an overachiever.”
Finley looks as if he’s about to say something when Tinsley cuts him off. “Where are you going in the fall?”
“Northwestern.” I sigh. “I won’t be far. Don’t worry,” I tell T with a soft smile.
The same school Sterling is at. I almost switched schools, but decided I shouldn’t have to change my dream just because he no longer fits into it.
“Good.” She smiles back.
“Anyone want a drink?” Reed asks from the outdoor kitchen.
Everyone around me yells no in unison.
“V?” he asks with a raised brow.
“Oh, a water, please.”
He brings the water and sits in the chair next to me before pulling Sage onto his lap, making her laugh.
God, they make me sick.
Then I feel guilty. They don’t really make me sick, but seeing them happy and in love does. I’m happy for them, but I’m also bitter as hell that I could have had that.
“Not the hard stuff?” Finley challenges me as he swigs whatever is in his glass.
“No, because some of us don’t need to drink to have a good time. You should try it sometime,” I bite out.
“Now, now, kids, let’s play nice,” Tinsley says lightly while looking between the two of us.
“You know what? You guys have fun. I’m exhausted and have a lot of things to do tomorrow. I’m going to bed.” I avoid making eye contact as I fold the blanket up and lay it on the back of my chair.