Page 13 of Green Tea and Pink Apples

A breakdown might be nice. Although he imagined his parents would send him off someplace and weave some lies about it.

He had no chance for one in any case, since the kids had seen him storm across the lawn and several of them had come out to see him. They must have been bored.

The sliding door to the game room was closed, but the curtains were open, spilling light over much of the yard. Madison and Maria were next to him on the stone bench, Maria the closest, with her head tipped back while Matt braided her hair for the dozenth time tonight. She liked to have it braided, but not to wear it in braids. Ash was in the grass by Matt’s feet, playing a game on a tablet. The other kids were still inside, watching television or playing with their phones.

The girls were on the verge of being tweens. Ash, a bit younger. Matt didn’t think it was good for Ash to be looking at the tablet screen in the bad light, but he wasn’t the parent here.

“It’s really about finding the right place. Hopefully soon I’ll have enough to get a home I really want.” He combed his fingers through Maria’s hair and started again. She was probably half asleep, but Madison was listening. She had an alarming interest in real estate, or at least in castles in the mountains.

“You can buy a castle?” she wondered skeptically.

Matt shook his head. “Some people can. But not me. I don’t have enough on my own. I just like to call it my castle.”

“We get to go to your cabin, right?” Ash asked, not looking up.

Matt had no idea what Ash would want to do there. Ash didn’t even go out when his parents took him on vacation. He had to be forced out of hotel rooms. But Matt nodded. “Of course. Once I find it. Or build it.”

Matt had quite a bit saved now. It helped, not needing to pay rent and getting money from the family trust. He had added to the savings account he kept far away from the rest of the family’s money for years now, ever since he had first realized his dream was actually possible. A home somewhere near the mountains.

The family had a ski lodge in Idaho. Matt didn’t want something close to that, although he loved mountains skies, especially in the winter when everything was crisp and clear and smelled only of the cold. He wasn’t interested in skiing or winter tourism. He wanted a place that was lovely and private in all seasons. Somewhere not everyone knew about, where he could go when he needed a break. Possibly even stay there, someday, when he had a skill that wasn’t selling wine, so he could get some sort of job to pass the time and help pay for upkeep and renovations. He didn’t want to rely on the trust alone. It didn’t feel like the right use for that money.

In the meantime, he’d take care of the cabin. Add on to it if he could. He liked that idea, using his hands the way his family had done once upon a time. Of course, he had no practical experience doing that, which was why he was saving as much as he could and taking classes.

Home repair, basic plumbing, some carpentry. Everything but learning about the electrical systems, which was definitely a job for a professional. The community college had great classes, and no one there cared who Matt was, and his family absolutely did not know he went there. He was thinking of taking some of the decorating and gardening classes too, so he could have the background knowledge. Then he could either fix up or build the perfect place.

He was pretty sure the kids thought he was making it all up. He didn’t blame them. It had been a ridiculous plan from the beginning. The act of a man who didn’t want to face his family and wanted to escape them. Watching home improvement shows and dreaming about countertops and quiet instead of moving into an apartment in town or doing whatever a practical person would do.

“It will have a yard?” Madison prompted. She really was focused on equity, but also probably on the chance to grow flowers.

“Yes.” Matt had told them the dream a thousand times but he didn’t mind telling it again. “But not a blank sheet of green grass. A yard that suits the mountains or the foothills, with plants from there. I’m going to learn about those the way I’m learning about carpentry and solar panels and design. To get to the house, you’ll have to go up a small road that you have to know how to find. There will be a shed for my tools, and a garage, and then the house itself. Two bedrooms, at least at first. One for me and one so you guys have a place to sleep that isn’t the couch. A living room with a view, and a big kitchen. Maybe a loft where I can fit another bed. One bathroom to start, with the largest hot water heater known to man.” The kids didn’t care about that part, or small saunas like they had in other countries, or generators or satellite dishes or rifles near the back door in case of hungry bears or mountain lions. They were not concerned with roofs or frames or thick-paned, high windows and insulation. They wanted snow and sleepovers. Matt really wanted to give them that, if he could. “I’m going to fill it with art and books and when the time is right, I’ll add rooms.” A mudroom, if it didn’t have one, an extra bathroom, an attached greenhouse to grow vegetables. But they didn’t care about that either. They were too young to fight over bathrooms yet or to even realize that small houses existed.

It sounded simple but he knew it would be expensive and time-consuming, and that he was lucky to have money he could count on. He liked telling the kids about it because it made it seem more real, even if it was only a story to them.

“Two bedrooms means the whole family won’t fit,” Madison declared wisely.

“The whole family’s not invited,” Maria pointed out, voice thick with sleep.

“But we’re invited, right?” Madison pushed. “We get to go?”

“Of course. You’ll always be welcome.” They would have to ask their parents, but that was a problem that would exist only when Matt finally did it. He didn’t know what the family would do once they found out. Demand to visit, probably. Tell him he could have done better. Show him other ways to diversify and refuse to listen when he told them it wasn’t an investment.

“Is Santi welcome?” Ash asked, and Matt jerked his hands from Maria’s hair and looked up.

Santi was at the edge of the spill of light, his hands at his sides, his expression impossible to make out.

“Uh, yeah,” Matt said without eloquence, but no one expected that from him. “I’ve never not imagined Santi there,” he admitted, then swallowed.

“You said no other people, except us.” Mariahadbeen paying attention.

“Santi isn’t other people.” Matt let her sit up and then didn’t know what else to do so he crossed his arms. “Though I don’t think he would stay long. He’s very busy. But if he showed up… he’s not someone you turn away. Anyway.” It was growing colder and the bench was hardly comfortable anymore. Matt stood up. “All right. Santi and I have to go be grownups again, and I don’t need your parents scolding me for keeping you out here without any coats on. Go back inside and I guarantee it will be time to go home soon.”

“Ugh,” Ash declared with the eloquence Matt didn’t have, but got up. He led the girls inside with all of his father’s responsible nature, and Matt spent a moment wondering how Paul had raised a child to be that serious.

The sliding glass door to the game room clicked shut.

Matt cleared his throat. “Don’t tell anyone. About the cabin. I haven’t told them because it’s enough for me but not for them, and they will lecture me in all the ways it’s not enough until I won’t want to do it anymore. Anytime I tell them anything about me, they insist on showing me how I’m doing it wrong and how I could be better. And I’m not driven like them, or brilliant and talented like you. It’s better to be nice and go along with things until I can get away and do what I want. I know that’s messed up. Okay? I’m aware of that even if I don’t say it. I know this dream is pathetic and small compared to what you probably want. But it’s mine. Maybe someday, I will think about the rest of it, about other things I want, like being with someone I love and making them happy, but I can’t do that with them because I won’t want big weddings, or honeymoons in Europe, or grad school to a doctorate, or running the shop, or getting a house in town. I don’t. I want… my bedroom, and house makeover shows, and a cup of tea. I want a kitchen table with a bowl of Meyer lemons in the summer and a bowl of apples in the fall. It’s small and stupid but it would be just for me. Please, Santi.”

His heart thundered in his ears in the moments after he was done.

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