Page 50 of Fox of Fox Hall

“Yes.” Conall petted him gently and steadilywhile Fox sat there and let him. “Home again at last. For me… andfor the others.” He had to feel Fox’s tremors because he kept on.“I am not the only aging knight, but I am one of the few who hassomeplace where I might go and be happy. Some can return to theirfamilies, but many can’t or have no wish to. So I’ve told them thatwhen I go, they are welcome to follow, now or in the future. Aslong as they help with the duties there, they will have aplace.”

“Lovely,” Fox said, and hoped it didn’t sound asbitter as he felt as he imagined it. Then warmth began to seep intothe chill inside him, and he sighed, the bitterness melting away.“Though I can’t see many of them as farmers.”

Conall dared to laugh, but it was short andquiet. “There are farmers there already. Although if some knightschose that, I would help them if I can. What my family needs moreof is… family. People to ride out where needed. Anyone can learn tolisten to tenants, and every knight has dug a ditch or two. Theestate is not falling down, don’t misunderstand me. But three andsome servants can only do so much with what money is available, andI have been away, unable to help. It will be work to get itrepaired and then to something like its former splendor. I don’tdream any grander that. Fox? It’s perhaps not a shining, gloriouslife, but it could be a good one.”

Fox nodded to show he understood. Conall hadevery reason to go and none to stay. “When will you leave? If youwin… or even if you don’t, I suppose.”

“Quickly.” A hard note entered Conall’s voice.“And you know why. Domvoda will let me go, but once my plans areknown, he will be unpleasant because he won’t like to see meleave—and no, he is not in love with me. Even if he was, that’s notwhy he’ll be upset. A large part of what made me hesitate for solong was knowing that he will throw his version of tantrums andothers will suffer for it.”

“Yes.” It would not be pleasant. Conall wascorrect about that.

“That waspartof why,” Conall went on.“A large part but not the sole reason. Fox?” Conall took a breath.“I never expected you to look to me. That was a surprise—a goodone. But….”

“I expect you’re tired of court life as well.”Fox interrupted. “But he will hopefully have other things on hismind if he chooses one of these three. He’ll have less need of you,so you shouldn’t worry over his tantrums.”

Domvodadidneed Conall; a funnyrealization to have after this long of knowing them, but Fox hadnot been raised in court circles and had taken longer to learn itsways. Despite his posturing, the king listened to Conall. He letConall contradict him in public. Domvoda would not want Conall togo, although he couldn’t deny his right to.

As for what Conall was trying to tell him withsoft words and gentle touches, Fox already knew that their timetogether had an end date. He had always known that, even if hehadn’t wanted to discuss it. He had let himself be a little foolishby hoping for more than these days at Saravar. But of course,anyone who could escape the court at the capital would. Those whodidn’t like the viciousness left early on, and those that stayedwere the worst of the lot. It didn’t have to be that way, but thatwas how it was. The consequence of Domvoda’s unhappiness.

Ridiculous for Fox to feel upset about it now,to drop his tail and keep his face hidden so Conall wouldn’t knowhe was sad. How would they even have gone about an affair? Fox hada place at court at the king’s whim. He had no way to sneak aboutthe capital, even had Conall been inclined to. Conall thought Foxbeautiful and wanted him, but Fox had been right to say what he hadthat afternoon. The byr did not keep commoner foxes in their beds.Not for long.

Conall would go, and the court would become alittle colder, regardless of whichever fertile Domvoda chose. Morethan likely even Byr Falnya would not tolerate Fox around andDomvoda probably wouldn’t think Fox worth fighting for. Fox wouldgo back to playing in taverns. The same Fox but in nicer clothes.Thoughts of where he’d play next, how much coin he had, his nextmeal, would concern him. He’d have no time to dwell on his time atcourt or on anything that had taken place during this tournament.Their affair had only been a few days, hardly time enough to reallychange anything in Fox’s life.

“Fox?” His silence must have bothered Conall. “Ishould not have acted. When you needed help, I wanted to offer it.I was happy to. And whatever you felt for him, I wasn’t going tostep in. Butyouapproachedme.”

“And you reacted,” Fox replied as if untouched,“the way that knights are supposed to.” Conall had quickly anddecisively entered into this with Fox because Fox had offered. Foxpulled back and tossed his head. His smile was light and cool. “Ilike knowing you’ll have someplace to go. And I’m sure you’ll dowell tomorrow, whether or not the purse ends up being yours.” Hedidn’t mention the prize he had offered. “You have a byr’sprivilege of getting to leave as you like.” He wasn’t even bitterabout it, although Conall made a sound as if he might object, soFox carried on. “I know you’re not as wealthy as some of them, butI somehow doubt you’re on my level either, no matter how plain youchoose to keep your surcoats.”

“Fox,” Conall returned softly as if they werequietly arguing again, “this was my plan for years. I never thoughtyou would approach me the way you did.”

He’d said that before.

Fox slipped out of Conall’s arms and stood up.He turned away as Conall followed him. “I’m not blaming you, mylovely. It’s fair and good that you want to do this, to go home andshare that home with others. And you certainly put in your time.There’s no way for the king or any other byr to fault you in thefuture. Now, I should leave you to rest. Knowing this means it’seven more important that you do well tomorrow.” Fox stopped beforethe door. “Is it all right that I continue to stay in yourroom?”

“Fox.”

The unsteady way Conall said it made Fox pause,then turn back toward him. “You made me feel as if I wasn’t all bymyself. That was rather mean of you.” He remembered Conall’s wordsto him. “But you’re extraordinary. I don’t suppose you could helpit.”

“I could stay.”

Fox stared at him and stared at him, growing hotand wondering distantly if Conall had spoken without thinking foronce.

“Those knightly urges of yours are dangerous,”he whispered at last.

Conall had to stoop in the tent and yet stillloomed over Fox in the dark. “I could have left years ago but Istayed. Do you understand?” He made the sound of objection againalthough Fox hadn’t said anything or even had a chance to. “Youcould come with me,” Conall said next, trying to stop Fox’sheart.

“Pity,” Fox bit out before tossing hishead again. He quite literally could not afford to turn down pity.“Is your home to the west? Maybe someday you’ll have a visit froman aging musician. But only a visit, mind you. I know myplace.”

Conall found Fox’s hand and took it in both ofhis. He raised it to his mouth and held it there, his breath warmacross the back. “When this is all done with, we need to talk.” Histone said this talkwouldtake place, but he gently kissedFox’s knuckles when Fox shivered. “I had no plan because I didn’tthink this would happen, and if I’d had, it wouldn’t have workedbecause I wouldn’t have known how much you don’t understand.” Hetrailed to silence but only for a moment. “I wouldn’t have knownyou beyond the small facts I’d squirreled away for myself. I fellfor the act, as badly as everyone else did. The Fox, lovely,clever, witty… and cruel if it would please the king for him to beso.” He released Fox’s hand to cup his cheek. “But never as cruelas he could have been. Sometimes even gentle when he could get awaywith it. But always turned from me, so I forgot who you were when Ifirst saw you.”

Fox spoke against Conall’s palm. “A lost littlecommoner?”

“A remarkably innocent outsider, standing allalone.” Conall swept his thumb over Fox’s cheekbone. “Chin up whilethey whispered about you, outshining all their glitter in simplewool. But your back to the wall, and so alone. I’m sorry.”

He continued to say these things and thenapologize for them. Fox turned his face to speak into Conall’spalm. “This is sweet enough, Conall. You don’t need to sit me downto tell me this will end. I’m not that innocent.”

But he didn’t protest when Conall swept himclose with his other arm and his tail around Fox’s back andmurmured into his hair. “That’s not what I’ll tell you. I don’tknow if you’ll understand any better. But wait. Please.”

“I’m always shaky around you,” Fox said, asshakily as he’d complained of. Conall tipped his chin up and kissedhim. It was slow and careful, a question and then the answerpressed to Fox’s hungry mouth. Fox clung to Conall when Conallfinally broke the kiss.

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