Page 59 of Fox of Fox Hall

“Yes,” Fox agreed although he had no idea whathe was saying, “but they don’t…”

“Marry them?” Conall finished for him, seriousand almost biting, and yet his raised eyebrows implied someamusement. “The passion songs say otherwise. They say the truth. Ithought you would have seen that by now. The byr don’t like toacknowledge a love that will exist regardless of rank or noblefamilies, but they know they tales are true. Everyone knows they’retrue… except you, I think. Did you never stay in one place longenough to find out how the love stories go on after feelings areshared?”

“Nobody wanted me to stay that long.” Fox rubbedhis chest but the lump remained to dig into his pounding heart.“Musicians are no good for the day-to-day. We’re there to entertainfor a feast or a wedding. Then we leave.” Conall’s frown made himhesitate. “Conall, we barely know each other.”

“Domvoda barely knows the ones he is consideringsigning treaties for.” Conall parried that point easily, giving Foxsuch a stare that Fox could only gaze back at him and struggle tobreathe. “Farmers marry those they’ve met over the course of onefair week when they’ve felt a mating. Because they know. Love doeswell. Affection and respect do well. Calculated arrangements caneven result in a happy breeding. But a mating is something else.Everyone knows that, Fox. Did you really believe no one could evermeet you and feel it?”

“Conall.” Fox put what strength he hadinto the name. He might as well have been Byr Shine facing Conallin a ring. No, not even Byr Shine. He might as well have been ByrDin. Conall destroyed him without even raising his voice.

“The moment I saw you.” He almost sighed it.“Scrawny and young, about to be eaten alive by the byr aroundyou—or so I thought. Lively and full of feeling because you hadn’tlearned to hide it as well yet.” Conall stared at Fox for anothersecond, then over Fox’s head as he relived the memory. “You met theking and he demanded you play. You were… captivating. Your voice,your presence. You were already responding to the crowd, learningwhat they wanted and using it to woo them into admitting yourskill. They were surprised and furious, which made you grin toyourself. You cracked jokes, rougher than they were used to, moredirect, but correct and sharp and quick. And you werebeautiful.”

Conall met Fox’s eyes again, his brows drawntogether. “Then I saw how he looked at you. And how you could notlook away from him.”

“Conall,” Fox tried again, the faintestwhisper.

It didn’t remove Conall’s frown or theself-recrimination in his tone when he continued. “I knewimmediately what Domvoda would do with you and that I couldn’t stophim. And he did it—but you carved out a place for yourself in spiteof him. You still don’t realize how many patterns you upset. Howmany byr have been forced to accommodate you. You weren’t a childthen, and you certainly aren’t now, but you’re innocent in manyways. Not used to court, or liars, or to being wanted in the waythat he wants you… or howIwant you. You don’t understandthat at all.”

“You called yourself Domvoda’s creature,” Conallcarried on, examining Fox closely before gently cupping Fox’s jawagain. “You have always been yourself.” He petted Fox’s cheek andFox knew enough this time to expect his next words to hurt. “But heencourages the meaner parts of you. I don’t know why. Maybe to keepyou for himself alone, or so he can believe that you’re asmiserable as he is. You remain determined and brilliant, but youwere cruel to please him, and then you’d be unhappy that you werecruel, and your smiles became calculated and your tail even moreperfectly still. I know you worked hard to be that perfect,” Conalladded, sweeping a tear from Fox’s eyelashes. “You made yourselffamous even with their scorn and his distance. You rose above itall and could probably keep doing so. If he had admitted anythingof what he felt for you, you would have been unstoppable. A legend.Although you’re already near that.”

Fox turned his face into Conall’s palm.

“I had no plans to interfere,” Conall revealed,a scrape in his voice that made Fox look back at him. “When wefirst… no, we didn’t meet then. Wesaweach other. We metlater. You didn’t seem to like me and it was not my place to saveyou—you hadn’t asked to be saved. The only thing I could do to helpyou was stop wearing my family’s crest at court, because I knew itwould lead to jokes that the Fox didn’t need.” He inclined his headwhen Fox twitched in surprise, then smiled, slowly and carefully.“But I felt it then. I felt it when you sang and when you looked atme, rare though that was. But you didn’t feel it, or didn’t wantit, so I made my plans to leave. Then Domvoda chose this way todeal with the issue of an heir, and though you had no desire tolook in my direction, I thought I could make at least one thingeasier for you.”

Conall expelled a long breath and Fox abruptlyremembered Conall was standing only with difficulty. He heldConall’s hand by the wrist and pulled until Conall sank a knee ontothe bed. Then he shifted back to make room for Conall withoutletting go of his hand. He wasn’t sure he could.

Conall sat heavily, half on the bed, and turnedtoward Fox while Fox tried to summon some sort of reasonableresponse despite how he didn’t feel at all reasonable.

He stared at Conall, Conall’s words takingforever to fall in line in his mind. “You ensured I had a place togo?”

“Yes,” Conall agreed. “Then you spoke with me,even seemed to like me, and… you asked to me to bed you.” Foxsurprised himself with a tiny huff of irritation for it beingphrased that way even if that was exactly what he’d done. Conall,as if it was habit now to soothe Fox, began to pet him again. “Thesituation had changed,” he summed up. “So I took my chance to winyou. Or at least to befriend you and help you. But also, yes, towin you if I could.”

“I’m still breathing,” Fox said testily beforeConall could once again ask if he was. Admittedly, Fox had toremind himself to do it, but he was. His face was also inexplicablyhot. He was more than a little dizzy. Conall liked to overwhelmpeople. Conall liked victory. Conall… had been playing an entirelydifferent game with Fox than Fox had thought.

Fox hadn’t even known therewasa gamebeyond flirtation.

He was, for a moment, scrawny and young andinnocent. Fifteen, but not lightheartedly swooning over knightspassing through whatever town he’d been in. Foolish and far out ofhis depth. Precisely the way he’d felt being at court for the veryfirst time and seeing the Dragonslayer himself across the room.

“This makes no sense,” he said, urgent despiteConall’s calming attentions. “I’ve nothing to offer you. No familyname. No wealth. No children either. I’m keeping this figure as itis for as long as possible if my fortune depends on it,” except itwouldn’t if his fortune was tied to Conall’s, something Fox couldnot think about without struggling to breathe again. “You were,”passion-struck, which Fox could not say aloud, “struck,” hesettled on, “byme? You expect me to believe that, and thatyou’d take me to your home with your family? Your family who arealsobyr?” Impossible. “If this is pity because of what Isaid last night about visiting you...”

“My home is nothing to what he could offer youif you choose him again,” Conall interrupted Fox in a low, almosttoo reasonable tone. “I don’t even think you’d need to wait for himto offer. You could command him and he’d give you whatever youasked… like he’s been waiting for you to. Yes, exactly like he’sbeen waiting for you to do. He could keep you in your prettyclothes or give you jewelry to outshine every fertile at court. Ican never offer that, not as he can.”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” Fox’s voice rose. Heswallowed and forced it lower but his attempt at control lasted foranother moment and then he was strained and insistent again. “I’mthe Fox, Conall.” Conall surely didn’t understand what that meant.“The name I was given at my birth hardly matters anymore. I’m theFox now. Which you think is remarkable. Whichisremarkable,because every single byr I meet remarks on it. But I don’t commandthe king. I’m from a little village south of nowhere that had noroom for me and I made my way over years to the capital. I made myname and I’m not giving that up. It’s all I have. I wouldn’tsurrender it to Domvoda if he showered me in all the shell jewelryin the treasury, even if to most people the name means lurid gossipand forever will. Command him? He could still banish me at anymoment.Youcould send me away. Do you understand?” Foxwasn’t sure he did. Words were spilling from him with no order orlogic. “I have nothing but that reputation. No money beyond a fewcoins. Some talent with music and a lovely face that will seem lesslovely to most as I age. My name of half legend and half scandal isall I have to barter with and I can’t… I can’t not be the Fox.”

“I’m not asking you to give anything up.”Conall’s gaze was warm. Fox wanted to sink into it and never leave,a thought which then made his heart beat faster and his limbsshake, because now the warmth in Conall’s eyes had a name fargreater than mere desire.

Fox had a feeling he sounded hysterical. “Butyou are! You’re a byr. You don’t understand.”

Conall took a deep breath, then slowly exhaled.“I don’t.” He frowned and looked impossibly weary but continued tostare at Fox as if Fox were his… as if Fox were his mated one. Theyhad joked about that on this very bed, teased each other with theidea of Conall breeding him while Fox had dreamed of Conall’s bitekeeping him still, except Conall had not been joking.

Fox squeezed his stinging eyes shut. “Away fromcourt, I am no one. When you decide it’s time for me to move on,I’ll have to start all over again. With nothing. With less thannothing. Because you will have made me believe that I…” His voicebroke.

“No. Fox, no. Please.” Conall did not sound muchbetter than Fox, repeating Fox’s name in a worried murmur until Foxopened his eyes again. Conall brushed Fox’s tears away and lookedat Fox so sadly that Fox whispered, “I’m sorry.” Conall shook hishead. “No, no. It wasn’t my plan to discuss this with you. Not yet.But then today and last night made me think I should. If you don’tfeel it too, that’s all right. I’d hoped you’d be open to thepossibility of loving me. I would have stayed for that. Of course Iwould have. For as long as it would have taken, Fox. Believe thateven if you don’t trust anything else.”

Fox did trust him. He was sure he did. There wasno one in this castle or in the capital he would trust more. “Iwant to believe you,” he admitted, pausing when Conall flinchedalmost imperceptibly. Fox had to do better. “You’ve always tried toprotect me.” An entirely new thing to say. Fox sucked in a breathand choked on that too. He gazed at Conall while he recovered,although his face was probably blotchy and his eyelashes had to beclumped together. Conall looked at him as if he didn’t see any ofthat and it made Fox shake harder, although he clenched his handsto try to hide it. “Do you want me to go?”

“I’ve never wanted that.” Conall wrapped histail around Fox’s back and Fox took the invitation to climb intoConall’s lap to encircle Conall with his legs, arms, and tail.Conall squeezed him tight in return and spoke into his hair. “I’mnot going to throw you out, no matter what. Nod, so I know youheard me.” Fox nodded. Conall graced his ear with a kiss. “And thesame goes in the future, regardless of anything else. Always.Forever. If you don’t choose to stay with me,” Conall pulled in asteadying breath, “if you need a place, even for a short while.Maybe for the winters? Come to me. Travel to the west along theRizvut Road, the one the traders use because there are patrols ofknights. But don’t stray into the woods—more beasts than dragonslive there. Follow the river and ask those you meet on the way, andthey will direct you to the lands of the Vulpets. Nod again ifyou’ll remember.” This time, Fox did not get a kiss. “Our estate isnothing to a palace meant for kings, but it is a roof, and I’ll behappy to see you. Your singing is always a joy to hear.”

“Singing is hardly enough,” Fox complained tothe side of Conall’s neck. “I expect you’ll want me to do realwork. I’m not a farmer anymore. I never really was.”

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