Page 39 of Loathing My Boss
“Have you ever considered asking him?”
A broken laugh leaves me. “I’m sorry, Crim. Are you suggesting I reveal my decade-long insanity plot to a man who controls my livelihood?”
“You’re answering the outcome, not the question.”
Fair enough. I blow out a breath. Have I ever considered walking up to my boss with the email I still have saved and saying,Why?“Yeah. Loads of times.Mostly whenever he’s so forgiving or kind that I don’t know how he didn’t have a single nice thing to say to me about something hehasto know meant a lot to me. He’s a writer, too, isn’t he? Don’t writers understand that our work means something to us? It was just so…cold. I’ve been shivering ever since.”
To warm me, Crimson wraps her other arm around my shoulders without letting go of my hand. “I don’t have exact answers, but I do know that he’s not a bad person, and you definitely aren’t.”
“Care to say that in front of my murderboard?”
“I’m saying it in front of our son, and you, which is far more important. Let’s be honest with ourselves. Your revenge has been making crude comments that we both know Viktor’s not stupid enough to dwell on, causing trouble that is basic pranks, and force-feeding him healthy habits, which—while irritating—are good for him. The man doesn’t drink water unless you lead him to the trough and shove his head in it.”
I laugh again; it comes out wetter than I’d like. “I’d love to waterboard him.”
“I know you would.” She taps a kiss to my forehead. “And I know youcouldwith a little planning. The point is, you haven’t. You haven’t, because you’re not evil. You’re just hurting. And you’re scared of the answers to the real questions you want to ask.”
“No, I’m—”
“You’ve made a man you hate millions, Cris.”
“Yeah. I know. I need to make sure I’m worth keeping around.”
“Yeah.” She crushes me closer as she squeezes my hand. “Or…you’re still afraid of the rejection he made you feel once upon a time, and you’re desperate for him to keep telling you in wordless ways that all thebadyou bring…doesn’t outweigh the good. You wanted him to tell you that you had worth. Now, you’re making him do it.”
My eyes burn. “I don’t appreciate this, Crim.”
“Am I wrong?”
“I…don’t know.” I bury my face against her. “I don’t appreciate this, but I do appreciate you.”
“And I love you.” Her breath fans into my hair. “More and more each day. Because you are worth loving, no matter which draft you’re on.”
For a few short moments—in spite of the tears pouring down my cheeks—everything is fine.
Chapter 14
?
I am not a licensed demolitionist.
Viktor
Don’t call Crimson. Don’t call Crimson.Do not call Crimson.
It’s a terrible idea. It will end about as well as my love letter, which I printed off in the dead of the night because I wasn’t doing much sleeping anyway. She tore it up. Immediately. And then she called me a coward. And all her other words speared me through the heart.
I don’t even know what I’m expecting Crimson to do. Tell me all Crisis’s secrets and give me the plot beats that make her fall madly in love with me? I’m not interested in that, especially since I know what Romance beat sheets look like.
They all includethird-act breakspredicated by doubts that rear and grow in order to allow that massive breakup to make sense.
In stories, a grand gesture heals those breaks, and we see the happily ever after.
In real life, quitting is a habit that becomes a pattern that becomes an addiction.
And if I know anything about addictions since I’ve been allowing myself these blissful tastes of Crisis chillingon her laptop in bed, or Crisis with her hair damp from a shower, or Crisis just being Crisis in my vicinity, I know that the best way to stop an addiction is to never start.
I don’t needallthe answers.
