Page 45 of Loathing My Boss
It is: “Grammar is important, Odessa.”
My stomach turns over.
Odessa’s face heats, matching the wild strands of her curly hair, and her eyes skate across the other people judging her, who appear quite shocked by the coarse statement—yet not entirely willing to disagree.
This sample could be from a book calledNight of the Dangling Participlesand sequelled byDay of the Misplaced Clauses.
“I-is it really that bad?” she asks.
“Yes,” Viktor states.
“Well, it’s not edited yet.” She toys with her fingers atop the table. “I’ll figure out how to afford an editor for the grammar. But, how’s the rest? The story? I wanted tosee if the cliffhanger was effective.”
“Grammar is the foundation of writing. If you don’t know the rules to this extent, it’s very difficult to produce a product that an editor can work with. Also, no good editor will waste their time unless you’re willing to pay thousands and thousands of dollars to have them decode what you’re trying to say. You told me a few days ago that you were considering going independent. That means your editing cost is out of pocket. The more work a story needs, the more expensive it will be. You would do well to learn how to structure your sentences correctly and effectively before you continue writing.”
Odessa shrinks. “That…makes sense.”
“A cliffhanger is only effective if your reader cares about your characters. Without building that relationship first, you’re just using dramatic phrasing, which can read like overexaggerated click bait.”
Viktor.
Viktor, sweetie.
She’s already dead.
Please.Shut up.
Odessa presses her lips together as she grips her hands, dragging them off the table and into her lap. “So. I need to start all over?”
Start over. Try again. And again. And again.
My tongue swells with bitterness, and it’s so very suddenly difficult to breathe.
Viktor does not pull his punch. “I would. There are free resources online that will walk you through the basics of punctuation and sentence structure, how to avoid passive voice, how to effectively utilize breaking the rules to your favor. Start over, and start there.”
If I were Odessa, I’d be plotting infiltration and decimation already.
Is her sample horrible? Yes. Oh my word, yes. It’s a train wreck. I can barely tell what’s going on. And I didn’t realize the end was a cliffhanger until she said so. I just thought it ended abruptly, like in the middle of a scene due to word count constrictions provided when we were all debriefed this morning on how workshop would go after lunch.
It left me confused, not interested, not invested.
But, still.
Still.
“I liked the dog.”
Odessa’s eyes slice to me.
“I like when characters have a pet. Especially when they’re very stupid with their pet.” I smile. “I have a fish, and I’m very stupid with my fish, so seeing a character be stupid with their baby makes me go,yeah, that’s how it’s done. You also have a good vocabulary. I’d consider going through some grammar practice to clarify your lines and reassess pacing. Make sure you have transitions when your characters move. Your main character teleports from playing with her dog to being at her front door without an action clue. There’s potential. It just needs better flow and clarity.”
“I also liked the dog,” one of our other circle members says. “What kind of dog did you picture when you wrote him? Maybe a description detail could bring more grounding to the scene? I have a toy poodle waiting for me back home and…”
Viktor’s eyes on me send a chill racing down my spine while the conversation builds and blurs. I don’t look at him as I take in the marks on the page in his hand. Bleeding, bleeding marks.
The only positive thing I can see remains cold.
Two checks above the wordboisterous. He liked thatsingle word in an entire sample.
