Page 47 of Loathing My Boss
It’s new. And I can’t control it. So Viktor sees it.
Viktor sees it, and heflinches.
Hopeless stillness crosses his face as he pulls his hand away from me and closes his fingers, deeply unsettled.
Two years.
Two years and the worst this man has been isgrumpy. Grumpy, yet compliant.
He’s particular and steady. Handling more responsibility than a human ever should. He cares for his family, his readers, everyone around him with the same stable hand.
I wish he’d just…
Hit me.
Emotion burns, welling in my eyes, and this time I can’t fight it. My lip trembles as I bite it, and I can’t control my fragile breaths as they shake into my chest. Lifting my hand, I scrub my cheek as tears pour.
Gentle, sweet, strong, tolerant Viktor retrieves a tissue box from his nightstand and returns to my side.
I could cuss him out, but he’s stillmy boss, and I need to grasp hold of the fraying strands of my logic so I don’t loseeverything. I need my job, so I can keep my home. Everything I have relies on this man who owns everything I’ve built.
No matter the chaos in my brain, I can’t throw being able to live away because of one stupid breakdown. I need toget a grip. I need to get a grip, knowing that Viktor won’t hold this against me or expect me to explain myself.He’s toobenevolentfor that.
He’ll just continue being careful and kind. So, sokind. No matter what.
I wonder if kindness is a privilege of power that so few people in power choose. Knowing that no one can possibly do anything to touch him when he holds all the cards to the lives around him in his hand has made himkind.
I was not aware that some power bred mercy instead of retribution.
In the next three minutes, I need to come up with a new plan for how I’ll exist. Crimson will take me on as her assistant if I ask, so that’s a job figured out. Viktor won’t kick me out of my home before I’m ready to move. I passed all the tests to live in Sunset, and I’ll leave my position with him correctly. I just need to turn in my two weeks, so I’ll draft that later today, after confirming with Crimson that it’s okay to work for her, for at least a little while, just until I can find a job elsewhere.
When I remember howperfectSunset is and how much I do love calling this town home, I begin sobbing harder.
Everything is going to change. Everythingneedsto change. I can’t breathe. I can’t think. I hate this. Ihatethis.
“Please,” I croak. “Go away.”
I expect kind, good, gentle Viktor to stand, say something innocuous likefeel better soon, and go. But he doesn’t move a muscle.
“No.” He pulls a tissue from the box I’ve neglected, takes my chin firmly in his hand, and wipes my tears. “I’m not going anywhere. Talk to me.”
“I don’t want to.”
“That’s too bad.” He pulls another tissue out of the box and offers it. “Blow your nose.”
Because I’m broken, and also five, I say, “No.”
His brows rise.
“I’m disgusting. I don’t want you to see me like this. I don’t wantanyoneto see me like this.Go away.” I swat at his immovable hand. “And stop touching me.”
“You,” he starts, refusing to let go, “are beautiful. Always.”
“You,” I start, gripping his wrist and digging my nails into him, “are a liar.”
“I’ve been called brutally honest more times than I can count. Being called aliaris new. Please, talk to me, Crisis. You were on the verge of tears the other day, too, and I know it wasn’t about your fish. Let me support you.”
“Support me?” I whisper. “What are you talking about? You’re myboss. That’s it. We’re not friends. You don’t have any right tosupport methrough anything. I apologize, sir, for my current unprofessional state, but in my defense, I’ve been working five twenty-four hour shifts in a row. My routines are turned over, and I just want to gohomewhere some things make sense and the rest doesn’t have to matter.”
