Page 80 of Loathing My Boss
His eyes widen as realization immediately collides with him. “You…”
“I’m still not exactly graceful, am I?”
“This is why…” he whispers, putting the pieces together. His eyes squeeze shut. “I’m so sorry.”
“It wasn’t my first draft. Not at all. I tried so hard.”
Limply, he nods. “I’m sorry. It…it really did suck. I could barely follow what was going on. It felt like a fever dream. The grammar was perfect, but completely so. It read stilted and uncomfortable and unrealistic.”
“I had poundedonly break the rules if you know whyso deeply into my skull, I couldn’t even bring myself to use slang. Fractions were firmly unloved.”
“It showed. A lot. I didn’t know what else to say. I didn’t have the time for a copy edit.”
“You were everything to me, Viktor. I know…” I manage a tight breath, let it free. “I know I overreacted, and I’m utterlymental…but you were the only entity in this world that felt like a friend. And, I guess, that makes me an entitled reader, judging you in a different way based off your work, but I can’t express where this response put me. For five years, I felt like I had a hand to hold. Then, suddenly, you let go. After I worked so hard to be enough for you, to reach you, to get some small bit of hope from you, I was alone again.”
He turns, looking up at me. “I am so sorry, Crisis.”
I hug myself. “I’ve finally made some peace with it. It was just…our traumas colliding.”
Reaching, he cups my cheek, runs his thumb beneath my eye, and smiles. “I’m glad they did. I’m not happy I hurt you, but I am so grateful the pain led you to me.”
That is probably a very, very unhealthy thing to say. But I can’t find it in myself to care, not when I’m thinking the same exact thing.
Cautious, I lift my hand to his, graze his knuckles. Close my eyes. Pull his touch away. “There.” My voice breaks. “The big secret’s out. Call me a fool for trusting you with it. Begin monologuing about how this whole love thing was just a plot to get me to finally give up the truth.”
“Crisis,” he says, not at all sounding like a villain mastermind beginning his tirade, “will you marry me?”
My eyes snap open. “W…hat?”
“I’d like to marry you. No prenup. Which is stupid, I’m sure you know, but I want your name on everything youalready help me handle, and I want to know that you’ll be comfortable if you ever want divorce. I would hand you my part of everything, leaving only what belongs to my brothers alone.” He twists his grip so that he’s holding my hand instead, then he pulls my palm to his mouth. “I was only waiting to learn what I had to apologize for. If my apology hasn’t been sufficient—” He slips to his knees, keeping my hand pressed to the rough stubble of his cheek. “—tell me what you would have me do.”
“V-Viktor,” I stammer, as my faceburns. “Get up. Yourback.”
He smiles, teeth displayed. “I don’t have back problems for someone my height, sweet pea.”
“Youdidn’thave them. But then I made you sleep on the floor, and on a dog bed, and I’mpositiveyou have them now.” My mind is spiraling. “I’m so much younger than you. Less mature. I was in middle school when you became a world-renowned author. We’ll have generational gaps. A-and I’m abusive, too. Completely toxic. Like broccoli peanut butter smoothies—withchia seeds!”
“I have survived all those things.”
“Right, sure. But you deserve tothrive.”
He kisses my palm, again, turning my arm into formless plasma. “I don’t need an answer right now. I’ve waited two years already to be certain the attraction that hit me when we first met wasn’t birthing infatuation, which would be unkind to your character once it settled.” His attention drops, to my thighs. “I’m still waiting for the infatuation to settle. But I at least know that I love who you are now, too.”
I clutch my legs together and try to step back. He does not free the hand tethered to him. My heart stampedes. “That kind of consideration doesn’t even cross my mind, Viktor. We are the definition of unevenly yoked.”
“Yet jumping onyesin order to strip me of everything I have also hasn’t crossed your mind.”
“To be perfectly blunt, I don’t think I trust this proposal? If I sayyes, you’ll laugh, call me stupid for ever thinking someone like you would want someone like me, and then tell me to pack my stuff and get out of Sunset. Clearly, the assessments I took to prove I was mentally stable need some updates.”
Pain flickers in his eyes, but it’s the pity that stings. “Shall I write you checks for millions? Hand you everything before you sayyes? Would you like to take pictures of me on my knees, for you, kissing your feet, hopeless? What power can I give you to make you feel safe? It’s all yours. Just tell me.”
My heart cannot handle this. But, more importantly, neither can my knees.
They buckle, sending me skidding to the ground in front of this…man. This very, very handsome, rich, kind man.
Mouth going dry, I stare at him. Baffled. Shivering.Scared. “Don’t you deserve someone better than me? Someone you don’t need to coerce into trusting you? If you’re not lying, Viktor, you are still everything. If you’re not tricking me…you deserve so much more.”
“I wish…” He closes his eyes, turning a kiss against my wrist. “…you could speak to yourself like that. If you accept me, I’d like to become your mirror, Crisis. I’d like to wake up with you in my arms and murmur my adoration into your flesh until it sinks into your bloodstream and changes your opinion of yourself. I want you to see you how I see you.”
