Lane nodded.
“Part of that is fucking telling us shit. Jesus, Lane. Do you understand the kind of target that puts on you being second-in-command to Jordan?”
“I don’t do things in small measures. Why would this be any different? Besides, what other role did you see me in? Manning the security desk like Barry? Only being there for negotiations? Doing administrative shit?”
“You’d be safer that way.”
Lane crossed his arms as if he closed part of himself off to Raiden. This was the first time I’d seen him angry. “I’m not going to let you tell me what to do or make me feel guilty for trying to make a name for myself, outside of the one I had with my pretend father. You live this life too, Raiden. Do you think I’m about to tell you not to play a human shield to Jordan? No, because it’s your job, and I wouldn’t dare tell you that. Maybe extend the same fucking courtesy.” He left the room, limping down the hall, slamming the back door behind him. If one more person did that, it would probably fall off the damn hinges.
I stood there, not sure what to say. Raiden was upset, rightfully so. I didn’t like either of them in the jobs they had, but I understood the danger that came with them and accepted it. At least with Raiden, I did. Although he wasn’t mine when I had. As time went on, I got used to him being in danger. There wasn’t anything I could do about it. We weren’t together then. Even now, I wouldn’t. Raiden enjoyed his job. I couldn’t ask him to give it up.
“Don’t have anything to say?” he asked me, flexing his hands, his eyes on the door Lane left through.
“No. You’re both grown men. I accepted long ago you could be hurt or even killed. Doesn’t mean I like it.”
I started for the door. Lane should come back inside. Not only was it frigid out there, but he was in cut-up jeans with blood on them and no jacket.
Raiden caught my arm before I could leave. “How do I do this?” He didn’t need to elaborate. The pain he felt was laced in his tone.
“You let him make his own decisions and support him. Lane is smart, as are you. I trust you both to return home every day in one piece.”
“I’m supposed to accept he might die?”
“It’s the life you lead. You both chose this. All I can do is patch you up if you get hurt, or rush you to the hospital when it’s beyond my capabilities.”
He pulled me to his body, embracing me in his strong arms. His cheek pressed to the side of my head. His heart pounded where my hand landed. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“I know. You have to apologize to Lane though.”
“I will.”
I gave myself a minute to hold him back. This was another side of Raiden I hadn’t experienced before, another layer finally visible to me.
13
LANE
“Fuck him,” I muttered, wrapping my arms around myself. My leg hurt, but not as much as it would once the meds wore off.
It was freezing outside, the ground covered in snow. And here I was with no coat on. Whatever. I had anger coursing through me. That would keep me warm for a bit. One of them would come after me and drag me back inside.
I’d be damned if I was going to be in a relationship with someone who wanted to dictate what I did. I lived under my pretend father’s thumb for far too long, doing what he wanted, letting his words sink into me. I’d finally broken free and was happy. Living the life of a criminal wasn’t exactly something I could openly brag about, but I knew this world. I’d been around Jordan and his men long enough that I saw how he took care of the people who worked for him, even if he didn’t readily admit it.
I couldn’t forget Raiden and Alton. Finally, I’d gotten them together. They’d had fun and kissed. I was bridging the gap between them, a place where I fit as well. Raiden saying that to me, how he’d rather I do something else, made me realize he didn’t have the confidence in me that I did in him. He could get hurt as easily as I could, yet I didn’t tell him to stop working for Jordan.
“Asshole,” I said to no one. My breath puffed out in a cloud. Fuck, it was cold.
I rubbed my arms, wondering if I should go back inside when the door opened behind me. Staying where I was, I looked out over the backyard as I limped on the small porch.
“Lane, come inside,” Alton said gently. “You need to get off your leg.”
I spun, facing him. Pain shot through me, but I refused to wince. His blond hair was ruffled, not neatly combed back as usual. There was a shadow of stubble over his face, and his eyes weren’t as bright as they were the last time I’d seen him. Light-gray sweatpants hung loose on his hips, which was really a shame. In the right pair, I would have had a bulge to look at. Goosebumps broke out over his arms, causing the hair to stand. He only had a thin T-shirt on.
Sighing, I reached for his hand and took him into the house. “It’s too cold for you.”
“I’m fine. You’re the one who shouldn’t be out here.”
We entered the house into the kitchen, the warmth wrapping around me. Alton shut the door and locked it.