Page 7 of Lane

“Nothing outside of me admitting I don’t like him fucking other men, and how he shouldn’t want to tie himself back into this life.”

“As long as it was productive.” He took the queso from the microwave and spooned it over the chips.

“Do you even listen when I speak?”

“Of course, but I’m not sure what you’d like me to say. We could all tell you to make a move and ask him out. Go to Alton and take him to dinner too. Woo them both and see if they’re open to being together as well. But you won’t. You’d rather sit in your dark apartment and suffer. Why would anyone want this life?” He rolled his eyes.

“You can’t give me advice until you do something about Forest.”

“I was going to watch over him, but you two convinced me not to. Now I’m eating nachos, wondering if I did the right thing.”

“Nachos or Forest? It’s a tough decision.”

“Just for that, these are all mine.”

“Whatever you say, Shel.”

I was done talking for the night. Nothing was resolved. I felt worse than when I started.

Lane happily fucked his way through Dremest, while I watched everyone around me fall in love. Fanfuckingtastic.

3

ALTON

“I assure you it’s a normal part of aging.”

“I wasn't certain because—” Mrs. Johnson kept talking, but I raised my hand.

“You’re okay. Trust me.” Not only did we already go over this, but we were in the hallway of the practice where anyone could overhear us.

She smiled kindly. “Thank you. You’ve always been my favorite here.”

“It’s my pleasure.” I walked her to the door so she could exit to the waiting room and check out at the reception desk.

There was a break in my schedule. I returned to my desk and started going through messages patients had sent me. My nurse fielded them first and flagged the ones I had to respond to personally.

One by one, I answered them, sent in prescriptions, and asked for more details on others. When that was done, I lifted my phone and glanced at my text messages. I shouldn’t. This only led me down a road that would upset me.

I scrolled until I got to the last message Raiden had sent me. It was under a number he used on a burner phone. I had his andall my patients’ numbers in my computer system, but I wouldn’t use them without their consent to message them.

Raiden wasn’t just another patient. He never would be.

Unknown:Thank you.

That was all it said. Two words that could be thought of as cold or sincere. I liked to think they were the latter, though it didn’t ease anything inside me. One incident changed our relationship, as tenuous as it was.

Raiden had wanted to kiss me. I couldn’t let it happen, given his state at the time. He interpreted it differently than I meant. It wasn’t me rejecting him. It was me not wanting our first kiss to be when he wasn’t well. If he regretted it once he felt better, I’d be gutted. So, I didn’t let it happen and had lived with his absence in my heart since.

I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with a patient. The situation would have been different if he was no longer under my care. He was though. All of Jordan's men were.

I didn’t understand why my morals showed up for that but not when I removed bullets from them. How many times had I gone to Jordan’s building, his safe house, or wherever he needed me to patch people up? To mend wounds they didn’t want to go to the hospital for? I understood why they didn’t. Questions would be raised, but me doing that in non-sterile environments invited infection.

Raiden had been different from the start. My feelings for him grew with every encounter. Then, one day, he was in front of me, bleeding from a bullet. I went into autopilot, doing what I could to stop the bleeding, remove the bullet, and get his wound closed. After I had him taken care of, the fever set in. I’d like to think I would have been as worried over any patient, but the truth was, it was him.

In my heart, I knew he was going to be okay that day, but I couldn’t stop the terror that lived within me at the thought oflosing him. That was also when I realized working for a mafia boss didn’t come without consequences for my heart. I was already aware my license could be revoked. Where I’d have to give up what I’d worked for and built because I helped him and his guards out. Although, the damage to my heart was the one I feared most.

I remembered the next day when I called Jordan and was about to quit. I was in over my head, not only with Raiden but with everything. I’d gotten too attached.

---