Page 38 of Asher's Answer
“I know.”
“I don’t know what I’d do if-”
I’m not playing that game. I refuse. “Ash, don’t. I’m okay. I’m going to be back home before you know it.”
He sniffles and I rub his back. “I need you, Daddy.”
A tear escapes from the corner of my eye and runs down my cheek. My throat is clogged with emotion and I can’t promise him that I’ll be the man he needs me to be. Not for a few months, maybe -depending on the damage to my leg- not again. But I swallow over the lump and try to ignore those doubts. “You’ve got me, little lamb,” I tell him, my voice tight and gruff. “You’ve got me.”
He dozes off against me and this is how Ted finds us an hour or so later. He knocks on the open door of my room and smiles indulgently at the scene he walks in on.
“I need you to look after him,” the plea falls from my lips before Ted makes it even halfway across the room. “I don’t know how long I’ll be here, and he can’t stay forever, and-”
“You don’t even need to ask,” Ted assures me, sitting in the seat to my right. The seat Ash has been using for the most part. He leans forward, narrowing his brown eyes, assessing me. “How are you doing? And I mean really, Charlie.”
Double checking that Ash is asleep, measuring the slow, even puffs of breath that coast over my chest, I sigh. “I don’t know.” I’m not used to admitting weakness or exposing my own vulnerability. But Ted’s the big brother I never had, and I need his guidance as much as I did when I first met him.
He arches an eyebrow and my worries all spill out. I tell him about the likely end of my career, of not knowing what the hell I’m going to do if that happens, of the few backup plans I’ve had that sound crazy to even my own ears and are probably morphine-induced ravings. Then I move on to my worries about how I’m going to be the person -the Daddy- Ash needs me to be while I’m physically unable to do the things we enjoy.
By the time I’ve vented all of my worries, I feel lighter for having shared them, but guilty for not having shared them with Ash. So then, on a whisper, I confess that to Ted as well.
He takes it all in, nodding and asking questions quietly as I ramble, then sits back and shakes his head at me when I’m done.
“Do you honestly think he’s going to care that you can’t crawl around on the floor with him?” He asks, bypassing my worries about my career entirely. I’m honestly glad that he does, because I think we both know that those are surface concerns at best. “Or that you’ll probably be limited to blowjobs and hand jobs for a bit?” Ted cocks his head, giving me his best ‘are you completely stupid’ look. “If the tables were turned, would you care if he couldn’t?”
“No,” I answer without hesitation and then close my eyes and take a deep breath. “But…I’m supposed to-”
“I’m an adult,” Ash’s voice interrupts me and I wonder just how long he’s been awake. He sits up and gives me the exact same look Ted just did. “We’re equals in this, Charlie. It’s a give and take. And just because you’re dominant doesn’t mean you can’t be vulnerable and need help sometimes. Just like my being submissive doesn’t mean I’m weak and helpless.”
I scramble to fix the mess I’ve just made. “I never said-”
“I know,” his voice turns soft and I relax because he’s not angry with me, or hurt by my assumptions. “But, Charlie, I don’t love youjustbecause you play with me, or because you’re big and strong, or even because we’re great in bed together. I love you for this,” he splays his hand over my heart, which attempts to beat its way out of my chest when he touches it. The increased beeping on the monitor beside me gives me away and I blush. Ash continues sagely, “And I love you for the person you are inside. The rest is fun, but we can work around it. We can get creative.”
The unknowing way he echoes my original attempt to console myself makes me smile. “Yeah?” I ask him, waggling my eyebrows suggestively.
He chuckles. “Yeah,” he repeats.
My tone dips low and flirtatious, already forgetting my worries. “I’d like to know what sort of creative ideas you have.”
“I’m still in the room,” Ted coughs out, and the moment between me and Ash is broken, though we laugh about it.
Despite the lighter mood, I’m still concerned about Ash being alone at home while I’m stuck in a hospital bed. Bracing myself I squeeze his hip and say, “You still need your little time while I’m here, baby. And I know you don’t enjoy it on your own.”
I don’t tell him that I know he can function without it, because I don’t want him to have to try. It helps him manage his stress levels, and I can’t help but think that he’ll be even more stressed while I’m recovering from being shot. But I don’t say any of this because he knows it already.
Instead of fighting me, he sighs. “What do you suggest?”
Chapter Seventeen – Asher
“I’ll swing by my place, grab some stuff and come back here if you’re good with that,” Ted says as he pulls his car up at home.
Charlie convinced me to come back here while conceding that there’s nothing stopping me from visiting him every day. Well, nothing except for work, but seeing as my boss is now also my live-in babysitter, I feel like it’s not going to be an issue.
Ted’s going to be staying in the adult guest room for the next few nights. Just until Charlie’s released from hospital. We talked the whole plan through.
As much as I hate being away from Charlie, I know he’s right. My little time, even if it’s only an hour or so a day, helps ground me. In addition to that, I’m most comfortable being little at home, usually with a playmate or with my Daddy at my side. Without either of those things, Ted’s not a bad stand-in. I’m used to his presence, and he’s not bad at coloring or playing race cars with me. He’s not a huge fan of teddy bear tea-parties, but I’m working on changing that. His next little will thank me.
When I’m with Ted, I don’t go too deep into little space. I don’t want help changing or bathing, and I don’t use -or even wear- diapers. I go just far enough to relax and enjoy playtime and story time, and I still like having a bottle and being cuddled to sleep. I’ve also told Ted that I don’t feel right being put to bed in the master suite without Charlie there, so I’ll be crashing in my kid’s room for the time being.
