Page 23 of Matteo's Mettle
I think of my big, buff, tattooed, bearded boy and my heart skips a beat. It’s been three days, but I’m so fucking attached already, it’s bizarre. But, strangely, I’m not panicked about that. This thing between him and me? It feels right in a way I can’t put words to. Like we’re two pieces of a puzzle that just fit. He’s got the capacity to break me, but I’m more than aware of how fragile he is in return.
I think of the look in his eyes when I shared my own secret. Beneath the desire, I’d seen his understanding and his unwavering support. It should be weird that a complete stranger’s acceptance had meant so much to me, but it had bolstered me, given me the courage to truly be myself with him, and it had been freeing in ways I’ve never experienced before.
I don’t even hesitate with my reply. “He so is.”
* * *
‘Dinner at my place tonight?’Matt’s message pops up on my phone screen just after lunch and my lips immediately pull into a wide smile. One of the guys on my crew arches an eyebrow and I shake my head at him. He’ll probably give me shit later, but I don’t care.
‘What can I bring?’
The animated ellipsis pops up almost immediately, then disappears and reappears a couple of times. Finally, Matt’s reply comes through.‘An overnight bag.’
I chuckle, wondering just how much overthinking Matt did before he worked up the nerve to press send. My boy is one of the shy ones and I love to push the envelope with him. Getting Matt to blush and squirm is rapidly becoming one of my favorite things. I hope my flirtatious tone is conveyed in my next message back.‘Do you have plans for me, sweetheart?’
‘You don’t have to stay over. I’m sorry if that was too forward.’
Smile slipping, I click on Matt’s name and press the call button, bringing my phone to my ear. I step away from the guys working on my latest project (a community garden paid for by the local council) while I wait for Matt to pick up. When he does, I barely give him a chance to say hello before I launch into my gentle admonishment. “There’s no such thing as too forward with me, baby.”
All I can hear on the other end of the call is his soft breathing before Matt eventually admits, “I just don’t want to come off too clingy.”
“Oh, Matt,” I sigh, having forgotten that he’s been hurt to this extent. That other men have made him feel like his ‘neediness’ (his word, not mine) is something to apologize for, or to smother. But the thing is, I love being reminded of how much he wants me around. How much he desires my affection and my care. Honestly, I’m just as needy (for lack of a better word) as he is in this relationship. “You will never be too clingy for me, I promise.”
Matt’s response to my declaration is a dry, self-deprecating chuckle. “You say that now…” He lets the sentence hang.
It’s only been four days since we met, since we fucked, since we agreed that he’d be my boy and I’d be his Daddy, but I’m already all in. If anything, I’ve been champing at the bit to spend more time with him, but I’ve been resolved to let him set the pace, knowing that he’s got concerns of his own to work through first.
Then his words from that first night come back to me. He wanted a Daddy to take control, to make the decisions and allow him to relax. Maybe waiting was a mistake. Maybe he needed me to take control with this, too, and I failed at that.
Ugh. So much for ‘I feel like a natural at this’.
“Okay, I’m pretty sure I’ve fucked up,” I blurt out before I can think better of it.
“What? How?”
I wander further away from the guys, then lower my voice for additional privacy. I mightn’t be ashamed of my proclivities, but I don’t need to become water cooler gossip fodder. “I’ve been giving you space, I guess. Letting you set the pace because I know you were worried that you might just be getting over excited at the idea of having a Daddy again. And I know my age bothers you, too.” He makes a sound of protest, but I steamroll right over it. “And that’s all totally fair. But you said you wanted your Daddy to take control, right? And, well, I didn’t do that, did I? I left the ball in your court, and I’m sorry.”
There’s a whoosh of air down the line, and it takes me a moment to realize that it’s an exhalation of relief. I curse myself a little more for dropping the ball like this so early into our relationship, but Matt’s words are reassuring. “You’re new at this,” he says, quiet but firm. “And we didn’t exactly talk things through as much as we should have before we…” He stops and clears his throat, and I imagine spots of pink appearing on those sexy bearded cheeks of his.
“We’re going to sit down and set rules tonight,” I say definitively. “Proper negotiation. I want this to work so badly, Matt.”
I barely manage to stop myself from telling him that I’m crazy about him. It’s been four days. We’ve seen each other in person once, and all other contact has been via text, calls and two Facetime sessions. As comfortable as I am with how quickly I’ve become attached, I don’t want to sound like a raving lunatic.
“Yeah, I do, too.” Am I imagining it, or does he sound as wistful as I feel?
“Good.” There’s not much else to say beyond that. Jake, one of the youngest guys on my crew, is waving from across the expanse of recently laid turf, trying to get my attention. I sigh. “I’ve gotta go, sweetheart. I’ll see you tonight.” Those words send sparks of anticipation shooting up my spine.
“I can’t wait.” I can hear the smile in his voice and I grin.
“Me either.”
* * *
At five minutes to six, I park my car behind Matt’s in his driveway. We live a twenty-minute drive apart when there’s no traffic, but it came closer to forty tonight. I caught every red light, and it was rush hour. All I’ve thought about since we ended our call this afternoon is wrapping my sexy man in my arms and kissing him senseless.
Well, that’s a lie. I’ve thought about taking things further after the kissing, too.
But we’ve got things to discuss first. Everything I’ve read (and re-read) about the lifestyle says that limits, rules and expectations need to be set in stone. I don’t want to repeat my mistake. Matt is a grown man, but he’s already told me that he wants (no,needs) a full-time Daddy. I’m up for the job, but I want us both on the same page about what that entails. I need to know exactly how much leeway he wants me to give him, if any.
