Page 40 of Ted's Temerity
Would things have been different if I’d had a support network like these guys?
I try to brush the thought away. I’ve moved on. Besides, through Ted, I have these guys myself now. The fact that they’ve sought me out and have taken me into their confidence is proof of that.
I wonder if I’ve given some of my thoughts away again somehow, because London claps a hand on my shoulder and squeezes, saying, “You know if you need to talk, we’re here for you, too, okay?”
“Thanks,” I reply, then start moving towards my car, parked a few doors up the street from the studio. “I appreciate that.” I grin at them and wave them on, effectively ending the conversation. “Enjoy your dinner!”
During the short drive back to my apartment, I consider Matt’s words and hope that Ted trusts his friends enough to reach out to them, too. They are good people, all of them, and Ted needs more than what I alone can offer him, even if we both wished otherwise.
Chapter Seventeen – Ted
It takes two weeks (inclusive of three sessions with my therapist) before I feel confident and comfortable to turn the notifications in the group chat back on.
Zephyr told me that the guys have been reaching out to him, asking about me, and I know I can’t avoid them forever. Hell, they’ve given me more space and time than I’ve ever given them, and I’m grateful for that. But now it’s time to ease back into my friendships and accept their support.
I lock myself in my office and spend my Friday morning scrolling through the thread, snorting at some of the banter between my friends.
Josh, naturally, posts inappropriate and outlandish memes and deliberately stirs the others up. The fact that Charlie takes the bait every single time is more amusing than it has any right to be and reading the way the rest of the group take turns escalating the situation has my chest tight with a mixture of emotions. Regret. Fondness. Nostalgia. Hope. They all twist together while I read the latest ridiculous interaction as it plays out in real time.
Josh: I’ve decided I need a harem of men.
Charlie: …a harem?
Spencer: Don’t knock it, C-man. There’s a whole romance sub-genre for that kind of thing.
Chance: Read any good ones lately?
Spencer: So… @Josh, a harem?
Josh: Yeah. I’m thinking a mechanic, a hairdresser, a super hot investor, a doctor, a tattoo artist and a masseur.
Josh: It’s almost like a Julie Andrews song if you pace it out right.
Ash: Boy, ‘The Sound of Music’ sure has changed since I last watched it.
Charlie: Baby, don’t encourage him.
Spencer: These ARE a few of my favorite things…
Josh: And somehow my version is still less gay than the musical.
Charlie sends a GIF of Captain Picard facepalming.
I chuckle out loud, startling myself with the sound. And how sad is that? That I’ve been in such a dark place that the sound of my own laughter is foreign to my own ears… A wave of melancholy threatens to overwhelm me and I sigh.
Zephyr’s been supportive, and I know he’s been keeping the group posted about me, but I really do miss my friends. I miss the laughter and the ridiculous shit we talk about. I’m not in my early twenties anymore: I have a network of people who genuinely give a crap about me, and being alone just because I want to avoid the sympathy and the hard conversations is somehow more difficult now than it was in the months after the accident.
I turn my attention back to the group chat which is picking up pace again.
London: I legit ignored my phone for 10 mins & I missed the entire harem convo. Devastated.
Matt: Excuse you, but why do you need a harem anyway???
London: Like you weren’t imagining your own dream team.
Chance: Come on, guys, break it up. Flirt it up in a private thread.
Chance: And don’t think I didn’t see you avoiding my question earlier @Spencer.
