Page 49 of Spencer's Satisfaction
“Ash would be good for that,” Charlie acknowledges, catching the tail end of Matt’s sentence. He grins at me. “Welcome back to diaper life, Spence.”
“You’re odd, you know that?” I tease him, but he knows I’m kidding. I understand why it’s something he values -the trust and vulnerability Ash shows Charlie being an intense turn on for him- but I’ll never turn down an opportunity to playfully taunt my friend.
“We’re all odd,” he shoots back, still grinning. “All the best people are.”
With my gaze drifting back over to the lawn, I find that I couldn’t argue with him even if I wanted to.
* * *
Unsurprisingly, Tony is on board with the idea of organized play dates. After that initial meeting with the guys, it’s like a switch has flipped and he seems ten times more comfortable in his own skin.
Naturally, we talk about it over the following week, and he admits that seeing other adults confidently slipping into little headspaces did convince him that it was okay to indulge in this newfound kink.
“There’s a part of my brain that still says it’s abnormal,” he adds as we’re snuggled together in my bed. Frank is curled up on Tony’s belly, purring loudly, and Tony absentmindedly stokes him while he continues to think out loud, “but playing with your friends felt good. And if they can lead functional adult livesandbe Little, too, why can’t I, y’know?”
I press a kiss to his temple. “Exactly,” I respond, unable to keep the smile from my face. “Except there’s one thing wrong with what you just said.”
He turns his head to peer at me questioningly.
I give him a squeeze with the arm currently wrapped under and around him. “They’re not justmyfriends. You’ve been added to the chat, right?” He nods, biting his lip. “Then it’s official: you’re one of us now, baby. They’re your friends, too.”
My heart squeezes painfully as he blinks back tears, his mouth forming a little ‘o’ of surprise.
“I’ve never really had friends,” he confesses quietly.
It’s not the first time he’s said as much, but we’ve never really discussed it. I haven’t wanted to push him. Even now, I don’t quite know what to say.
Clearing his throat, Tony looks back down at Frank and extrapolates, “I’ve never fit in. Even when I was a kid, I was theweird kidthat the other kids stayed away from. And I get it: I can be overwhelmed socially and I go off the deep end. I have sensory issues where I either freak out or fixate. I’m fussy about food. It takes me a while to process change. I’ve never…” he licks his lips. “I mean, I know I’m notnormal. Because I did okay in school, Nonna never had me tested or anything, but I’m pretty sure I’msomekind of neurodivergent. Even I’m not so oblivious that I can’t see it. I’m just…not quite the same as most people.”
Oh, my heart.I want to strangle anyone who has made him feel like his differences are something to be ashamed of. “Tony…”
“It’s okay.I’mokay,” he assures me, turning his head back to offer me the ghost of a smile. “But that’s because of you, you know. You haven’t treated me any differently, even though Iamso different. Even Tanya’s always…” he trails off and shakes his head. “Not that she meant to. But you haven’t ever. And that’s made it easier for me to finally accept the fact that being weird doesn’t have to mean there’s something wrong with me.”
“Oh, angel,” my voice is tight and gruff with emotion. It hurts to hear him admit that he thought there was something wrong with him. “You’re not weird. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re perfect.”
“Even with my, uh, quirks?”
I shake my head, then rush to explain as his face falls, “It’s not an ‘I love youeven though’situation, Anthony. Or an ‘in spite of’ or ‘I can live with’ or anything like that. It’s an ‘I love every single part of you’. Your quirks, as you call them, aren’t flaws to be overlooked. They are part of what makes you the man I love.” I don’t know if I’m explaining myself properly, but I forge on regardless. “And the guys like you for who you are, too. They want to be your friends because they likeallof you. And, no, it’s not just because you’re my boyfriend, either. If we broke up tomorrow, they’d still want to be your friends.” Feeling the need to lift the mood, I tickle his side lightly, relieved to hear the watery giggles the action elicits. “But we’re not breaking up. I refuse.”
Tony’s quiet after that, and I know him well enough now to understand that he needs time to process everything I’ve just said.
“Did you want to be little for a while?” I suggest, hopeful that being in a Little headspace will help simplify his feelings and make managing everything easier.
Tony considers this and, after a beat, nods. “Please, Daddy.”
I climb out of bed and extend my hand towards him. He takes it without hesitation and I smile. “Let’s go get you changed, huh?”
* * *
Even though little space is beneficial for managing Tony’s anxiety, I enjoy spending time with him as equals, too. The more he comes out of his shell, the deeper in love with him I fall. He’s clever, witty and amusing. He’s sweet and considerate, cheeky and creative. Even while big, he makes it clear that he likes it when I make the decisions for us, when I take charge and take care of him.
Today is one of those days. He’s still setting the pace for any sexual interactions, but I’ve made the decisions relating to our date.
We’re going bowling.
Tony’s not into sports, and a movie wouldn’t give us much chance to talk or interact. But bowling is indoors, we’ll get a private lane and my plan is to order us some hot dogs and fries from the kiosk at the alley. It’s casual, low pressure, and fun.
When I park the car outside the alley, Tony grins at me. “Oh, you’ve made a terrible mistake, Spencer,” he says a little wickedly.
