Page 28 of Chance's Choice
I think about taking Kade out on a real date, sitting across from him at one of my favorite restaurants in the city, learning about the past twenty years of his career and sharing my own. It was like Katie said it would be: I am getting to discover the parts of him that have changed and grown over adulthood, while already knowing who he is at his core. Learning that Kade has developed a genuine passion for marketing filled me with pride for the kid I’d known, the one who had resigned himself to a minimum wage job he knew would make him miserable, but who just had to get on his feet any way that he could.
I think about how much more comfortable he is in his own skin now. How the feisty teenager was more a front than his actual personality. How the man he’s become has a quiet confidence that doesn’t require him to put on the same act from our youth…though he’s still fiery when it suits him. I think about how fucking hot he is, especially when he’s wearing a suit tailored to his lithe, trim frame.
I think about just holding him and breathing him in.
I also think about everything else we’ve talked about, including his repeated interest in talking to a professional to help him work though the past twenty years of depression and guilt. Even though he has made huge strides in trying things that make him happy, the past couple of decades have certainly left their mark on him. From there, I think about his request that I take control of all the little decisions when it comes to our time together. I understand that it takes the stress of having to choose away, but I want him to be able to express what it is he wants to try together, too.
Puppy play. The words ring in my ears, even though he hasn’t repeated them since last week. He’s definitely liked being little: he loved the toys, especially when I brought out the brand new stuffies I bought just for him, and he loved sprawling out on the rug in front of my fireplace, playing and drawing without fear of judgment or derision.
But would he prefer puppy play to being little?
“Alright, where’s your head at?” Katie prompts me, two more fries now held captive between her manicured fingers and thumb. “Because as awesome as you just said your weekend was, your face just did that whole overthinking thing.”
“That whole overthinking thing?”
“…Well, it’s either that or you’re constipated.”
I throw a fry at her and she laughs, catching it and munching down on it with relish.
“So,” she prods again, “what brought that look on?”
“Kade’s curious about puppy play,” I find myself answering truthfully, before I can stop myself. It’s probably not fair on Kade to air his secrets like this, but I suddenly desperately need to talk to someone about it. Someone I trust. Someone I know won’t judge or, despite her hyper personality, tell anyone else. I could call Spencer, but Katie is sitting right here, and I’ve already spilled the beans. So, I keep going. “And I’ve never even thought about it, you know? Like…it’s not my kink.”
“Huh.” She sits back and frowns, little lines forming between her eyebrows. “So…you’re not into it? Or you justthinkyou’re not into it?”
“Well, I mean…”
“Because,” she continues on, steamrolling over my attempted response, “I don’t think there’s that much difference between role playing as a Little and role playing as a Pup.”
Thatgets my attention. “Wait. What?”
Grinning smugly, Katie holds up her left hand and starts counting down, pointing at each hot pink nail with her right index finger as she lists her arguments. “Both are about balancing playtime and discipline. Both involve moments of hyperactivity and desperate desire for affection. Both require treats and positive reinforcement. Both involve activities like bath time and cuddles. Both can include house training of sorts,ifyou’re into that sort of thing. Both-”
“You’ve run out of fingers,” I interrupt, my mind already reeling because she’s right. Thereareparallels. How did I not see that before?
Katie gives methefinger, then switches hands, speaking primly as though I never cut her off. “Both can involve non-verbal cues, especially if your little side is more infantile. Both involve cute dress-ups and accessories. Both rely on a dominant partner to set rules and help guide or train the submissive role. Both-”
This time, I hold my hand up to stop her. “Seriously, Kate,” I breathe, shaking my head. “Stop. I get it. Point made. I’m an idiot.”
“Hey,” she leans forward, her hand outstretched towards me, clearly wanting to offer comfort. “You’re not an idiot. You’ve never been interested in puppy play because, as a Daddy, you’ve had your itches scratched through age play. Why look elsewhere when you know what you’ve already had experience with works for you?”
“But-”
“But now it might be worth looking into, hmm?” Once again I’m struck by how knowledgeable she is. She’s a Little, sure, but Katie is a strong, smart woman who won’t take shit from anyone. “Because if Kade’s had the courage to tell you there’s something he’s interested in trying, you owe it to him to at least research what it might include, to maybe negotiate some things that you can try together that interest you both. And, if it turns out you really can’t get into it, at least you’ve tried it and haven’t just assumed that because it’s different, it’s not for you.”
I let a few moments of silence pass as I mull her words over. “God damn it, Kate,” I sigh, but I smile at her. “I hate it when you’re right.”
“When will you learn?” She chirps back, her smug, self-satisfied smile back in place. “I’malwaysright.”
* * *
London and I stare at each other in surprise, each of us with a handful of items we’re planning on purchasing, but neither having anticipated bumping into someone we know. Which, in hindsight, is kind of dumb because it’s not like either of us have vanilla sex lives, and thisisthe best adult store in the city.
“Uh,” he says, a little color creeping up the back of his neck, “Chance. Hey.” He surreptitiously tries to reorganize the stuff he’s carrying, which, of course, draws my attention directly to it. A flash of hot pink lace catches me off guard and puts images in my head that have no place being there.
But also…good for you, bro.
“Hey,” I force an easy smile, suddenly understanding his momentary embarrassment, even though he should know by now that none of the guys in our group would ever judge him or be dicks about it. London’s still young, and I’m guessing he’s got hangups like any of us do. He’s a stocky guy, a little taller than me, utterly no-nonsense and thelastperson I would have imagined would be into wearing anything lacy or feminine. And I know for sure it’s him and not Matt, because Matt’s into onesies and diapers and makes no secret of it. Glancing down at my own kinky selections, I shoot him a rueful look. “Guess I’m busted, huh?”
