Page 55 of His Unicorn Alpha
It was only because I had read those articles that I knew Brandt might be feeling some kind of way about only having girls, and that his feelings were completely outside of his control. Still, would it be so bad to have girls? Ultimately, babies were babies, weren’t they? They all ate, slept, and pooped the same.
After hours of silence and feeling blocked out from our bond, I was beginning to feel frustrated. Not at the way he had reacted to the news of three girls, but to being deliberately shut out by the man I had been falling in love with.
From his curled-up position on the bed, Brandt finally spoke. His pained words were muffled by the pillow, but I heard them anyway. “I can’t, Micah.”
Carefully sitting on the edge of the mattress, I rubbed his back. “You can. I’m not going to judge you for feeling any particular way. I just…I don’t want you to shut me out.”
“I am a terrible person,” he lamented after another stretch of silence.
“You’re not.”
“I am!” I don’t think either of us was expecting the vehemence in his tone, and he shook his head again, softly repeating, “I am.”
“How? Explain it to me, Brandt, because what you’re feeling is valid.”
My mate rolled onto his back but kept his red-rimmed gaze directed at the wall. I supposed that was still an improvement, though I really wished he would look at me.
“Is it?” he demanded. “After everything I did…after knowing that there were no guarantees…is it truly fair of me to be disappointed that not one of our children will be a dragon? That my species still dies with those of us remaining scattered and miserable around the world?”
“But they’re not even born yet. We don’t know—”
“Dragons are an all-male race,” his voice hitched. “And I truly believed that I did not care what breed of shifter our children were…but…”
My heart sank. “Oh,sugar…”
“No. It is wrong of me to feel this way. I do not understandwhyI feel this way when I am still so excited to be having children at all. Iloveour daughters. I do not…Ihatethis irrational, awful feeling.”
“It’s not irrational,” I tried to soothe him. “You’re not saying you don’t want our girls. You’re not even disappointed that they are girls.”
He snorted derisively.
“No, sweetheart, you’re not. I know you’re not. The bond doesn’t lie, remember?” I reached for his hand and squeezed. “Ithink you’re upset because so much of your original justification for implanting the embryos revolved around potentially saving the dragons. Finding out that it hasn’t happened this time hurts. It’s allowed to hurt. We all want to make sure dragons survive, but you put your ethics and body on the line for it…”
Brandt burst into tears and moved to bury his face in his pillow again, but I didn’t want him to hide from me. Climbing over him so I could stretch out beside him, I tugged him in for a hug, not caring that his tears and snot were messing up my shirt.
“Let it out,” I murmured, pressing kisses to the top of his head. “I’m here, I’ve got you.”
“I love them,” he repeated once he calmed down. “I love them so much and I feel guilty for…for this…”
“It’s okay to be sad about the situation with the dragons,” I assured him. “It is. It doesn’t mean that you love our kids any less.”
I listened to the quick inhalations as he fought to regain control of his emotions and I held him until he went lax and calm. “We’re going to find a way to save the dragons eventually,” I promised. “Dexter and Sage might find something to help. Or I’ll just have to live up to my promise to breed you over and over again.”
I meant the last bit as a joke, and I was relieved when Brandt chuckled wetly against my chest.
“Don’t make promises you cannot keep,” he muttered, but there was a hint of arousal and amusement accompanying the words.
“Like getting to fuck you into oblivion is such a hardship for me.”
He snorted, and the silence that fell between us felt comfortable again. After another minute or so, he said, “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For not thinking me a monster. For working through this ridiculous episode instead of running away. For—”
“It wasn’t ridiculous,” I insisted, then gently cradled his chin between my thumb and index finger so I could make sure he was looking at me. “Bran, sweetheart, I can’t imagine how frustrating it must feel to not be able to hold onto your emotions as much as you’d like to, but it’s going to take a lot more than that to scare me away.”
“Still,” he sighed, “thank you.”
