Page 141 of Off-Ice Misconduct
God fucking dammit.
And all I can do is sit here and watch. I hate watching that breathing machine expand Dad’s lungs; it’s so unnatural. I’m grateful it’s keeping him alive, but it’s a new nightmare unlocked. It didn’t occur to me—ever—that I could lose Dad, as fucked up as that sounds. He’s just so invincible. He’s one of those “live forever” kind of people. A demi-god among us.
The nurse comes in.
“Doctor ordered some blood for him, just gonna get him hooked up.”
That means East has to let go of Dad’s hand, but he’s right back there the moment he can be. This time, a watch falls down his arm, Dad’s watch. The glass is broken, but the hands inside tick with steadiness. I hope it’s a symbol of Dad—broken on the outside, ticking away strong on the inside.
“I’m sorry,” I tell East. “I didn’t react very well to the engagement.”
Is it the right time to have this conversation? No. But sitting here like zombies is rotting our brains. We need something else we can sink our teeth into.
“And, clearly, I’m a hypocrite,” I add, hoping he’ll respond with anger, anything to pull him out of the hole he’s in.
“I know you didn’t react well, Ace,” he says quietly. “It doesn’t matter now. He broke up with me.”
But.
What?
No.
My stomach drops so fast, it might have snapped off. It’s like someone’s taken a crowbar to my ribs and pried them wide openjust to pour in one more dose of grief, raw and burning. After seeing how much this is killing East, that fucking stings.
“You’re the apple of his eye, you know?” East says. “And you should be. It almost killed me when he called off the engagement, but I understood.”
East’s lip trembles, awfully, as if he’s reliving that moment.
Oh God. I was wrong. So,so, wrong.
I toy with the blanket by Dad’s foot, needing him to wake up right fucking now, so I can apologize, and tell him to get back together with East.
“He’s a great dad,” I say while I’m mentally bullied by the ghosts of our last conversation. It’s the worst punch in the gut to know you’ve fucked up this bad, and you might never get to atone for it. Say you’re sorry with your whole soul.
“He was kinda losing his mind when you wouldn’t talk to him, and he obsessed over how he would make it up to you.”
“If you weren’t together anymore, how did you end up in the car with him?” I also stare pointedly at the blazer he’s wearing, which I’ve figured out is Dad’s blazer.
“We’re, um, we’re not very good at staying away from each other,” East says, some color finally coming to his pale face.
I’m not gonna think too long about what that means, but it makes me feel a little better. Maybe they were rekindling. It’s not even a question if East still loves him.
“I’m glad,” I say.
The corners of East’s lips lift into a weak smile. “He’s so proud of you. Never stops talking about you. Worries about you constantly.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“Itoldhim to tell you more. But he said you weren’t someone who needed endless validation, because Grace taught you how to validate yourself. He didn’t want to insult you.”
They talked about Mom? If East knows about her, they did. Then why did he stop talking to me about her?
“Usually, he’s right, but things were so strained between us, I think it created extenuating circumstances.”
“That’s what I said.” He lifts his chest, and with some of the downpour that was drowning him easing away for a minute, I get a glimpse of his strength. “And I can’t wait to tell him I was right, because he’s going to wake up. I’ll be filled with so many I told you so’s thanks to you.”
I nod. “He’s going to wake up,” I agree. “Mom was always a bruiser on the ice. If he even thinks about floating off to heaven, she’ll kick him right back down here.”
