Page 146 of Off-Ice Misconduct
In other words, I’ll still be able to watch him play out the last of his college hockey career.
There are footfalls near the door that I expect to be Ace—he’s supposed to stop by after some “crucial” meeting with Beta Sigma—but it’s Tate. His hands are in his pockets, and he’s leaned against the door.
“I heard what happened,” he said.
“It’s fine, Tate. I only did this for you. I’m leaving a little early, that’s all.”
“You did this for me, and I promised I’d do this for you.” He pulls his hand out of his pocket; there’s a shiny white gold ring on a very important finger.
“You went through with it? Fuck, sorry. I was supposed to help you with that.”
He shakes his head. “I shouldn’t have asked you for help with this one; it was mine to figure out.”
“You got his father’s permission?”
“Sort of,” he says. “Still working on that part. Now that we’ll have the money, it will be a lot easier.”
Right. He’s married. We can cash in. Finally. Something cracks open inside me. Tate might not be exactly who I thought he was, but I should never have doubted him. Whoever he really is loves me with the same intensity as who I thought he was.
Tate huffs a breath, and something that’s starved him for too long dies before my eyes.
“It’s not love,” he says, twisting the ring on his finger like a chain he can’t remove. “But I’d put him in the fucking ground myself before I let anyone else touch him.”
I flinch. I’ve never seen Tate like this.
Tate scrubs his hands over his face, a little crazed. “I’ve tried to stay away. I really fucking tried. But he’s under my skin like poison, and I can’t cut him out without bleeding to death. It’s … like trying to quit breathing, Luke. Is it like that for you and Ace? Hmm? Every time I go without him, I get a little more unhinged. And then I see him and it’s?—”
I watch him carefully. Is he about to snap? Or will he rot on the hook he strung himself up on?
“Ryan is the house I’ve built with my bare hands that’s caught fire. I don’t go in because it’s smart, I go in because he’s mine.”
His jaw clenches while my heart races.
“Is itstillenough, Luke, knowing all that? Have I proven my loyalty to you, or will there be another fucking test?”
Reading between the lines is easy on this one. He got married, but it’s just as much self-serving as it was for me—if it was for me at all. He’s also peeling back the first layer, giving me a peek at who he really is under all those years of subterfuge. I’ve been picking up on the hints all season, but honestly? I don’t know if I’m ready for the real Tate. It’s something I’d rather digest in small bites. And it doesn’t matter anyway. I’ll love him no matter what. I’m not perfect, and he’s not perfect. Nobody is.Underneath every action is a reason. Sometimes it’s inspiration; other times, desperation.
“I already told you?—”
“What you told me is that I owed you something. I don’t even think you did it consciously. I think it was Uncle Jasper abducting your mind and your fucking senses. But you couldn’t fight it, Luke.”
“I did. When I said I didn’t care anymore, I meant it. You don’t owe me anything, ever.”
“Until I do.”
“No.”
The tables have fucking turned. He doesn’t believe that I care about him. If he only knew …
I was seventeen. I left my side open. My opponent landed a punch so crisp and heavy that it broke two ribs. I thought I’d never breathe again. The pain was so bad, I couldn’t take a full breath, and that lack of oxygen wore me down. Training was shit, but Uncle still made me train, even though it was as if I was internally suffocating with every small pull of breath.
But Tate would be free. He’d have everything. It would make up for everything we lost. And maybe, maybe me, too.
Tate was my reason, getting us out was my salvation.
He has everything now.
Everything.
