I roll my eyes, but smile, then laugh softly. “You’re an animal sometimes.”
He growls and winks at me, then glances at my belly. He reaches over and gently touches my still-flat stomach. It’s easy toforget I’m pregnant. Sure, we just had the doctor’s appointment. Sure, I just made the household aware. Sure, Brad is determined to do everything for me. But considering my stomach is flat and I’ve only had occasional morning sickness and my breasts are more tender, I can almost believe I’m not pregnant.
“What are you thinking about?” Carter asks.
“What areyouthinking about?” I tease back.
He shakes his head. “My mind is empty. I just keep smelling your perfume, feeling you right next to me, and am focused on getting home.”
I bite the inside of my cheek. “I almost forget I’m pregnant sometimes. It’s easy to forget plenty at school. I almost feel like I’m two different people,” I murmur. “Not really, I’m not going crazy or anything, it’s just…”
“Different at school?” Carter guesses.
“Yeah.”
He nods. “I think everyone feels that way… somewhat.”
I don’t ask him to elaborate. I can imagine it. No one is their whole self at school or at work. They’re a version of them. Maybe we always show a version of ourselves instead of the whole thing.
“Katie?”
“Thinking,” I assure, reaching out to him and taking his hand. Carter considers that, but I clear my throat. “Are we good?”
“I think it’s very clear that we’re good.”
“Not just sexually. Are we good knowing that… that I’m going to keep the baby?” I ask, my voice softening on every word until I’m not sure if he hears that I’m going to keep the baby.
He stops at a stop sign and looks at me evenly. “I know you’re keeping the baby. You would have done something about it before telling us if you thought otherwise.”
“And you all would have hated me if I did,” I whisper.
“I could never hate you,” he says.
I swallow slightly and clear my throat. “Um, does it bother you that we don’t know whose it is?”“By the time we get to the point where you have the baby, I have a feeling it’s going to be a little bit of all of us. Not scientifically, but not for lack of trying,” he chuckles.
“And that’s enough?” I ask.
Carter’s smile tells me he’s about to laugh or tease me, but when he gazes at me, he really thinks about it. He pulls into the driveway and turns to face me while unbuckling. “For me, yes.”
I don’t like the discomfort that lodges in my chest at his clear “for me.” It means that someone else might have a problem. I struggle to unbuckle myself. Carter finally does it for me and grips my chin. “Talk to me.”
“I don’t want there to be more problems. Brad could go to jail. Henry would fail at keeping him out. Which leaves you, me, Henry, and a baby. If Henry blames me for Brad going to jail—”
He shakes his head and cuts me off. “He won’t.”
“Then he’ll pull away even further, which will leave you and me and a baby and we’ll have to visit Brad and you’ll be distracted. Your career could suffer—”
“Doll, slow down and—”
But I don’t. “Which will make you hate me and the baby too because it’s our fault. Brad never would have jumped into action if you weren’t with me. Brad never would have hurt Dan or even met him if he wasn’t on campus because of me.”
“Katie—”
“I did something to seduce you all and it’s all moving really real, really fast. A marriage ruined, all of us living together. I’m pregnant. Brad’s in a lawsuit. Henry already sees it falling apart and you will too, so it will be me and a baby and I won’t have my mom either!”
“Breathe,” Carter says.
But I can’t. It’s all crashing around me. I can’t seem to catch my breath. Every time I try, my chest clenches tighter. I can see it all evaporating in a way I didn’t before. My future is gone. How can I start a career with a baby? I’m not finished with college and I have a matter of months before I start showing.