Page 57 of Going Overboard

That… is surprisingly sweet. And unexpectedly normal.

‘Plus, I get to be the cool guy they can look up to, they won’t know about the bad press or anything like that,’ he adds. ‘I’ll just be, like, this rock star.’

‘Well, as long are you’re impressing kids,’ I tease him.

Right on cue, a man in a sweaty tank top walks over and claps Brody hard on the back.

‘Mate. Legend. Seriously. That five-for you took against Indialast year? Man, me and my mates drank all night after that,’ he tells him. ‘That last delivery – pure filth. Top of off. Beautiful.’

At least I think that’s what he said. Is he even speaking English right now? What does any of that mean? It’s like they’re speaking in code.

Brody grins, looking almost bashful even.

‘Cheers, mate,’ Brody replies.

They chat for a second, cricket-language flying over my head like, well, a cricket ball. I have nothing to contribute, beyond puns, like this guy seems pretty bowled over by Brody. He’s knocked him for six. Even I know those ones – not that I think they would be appreciated right now.

‘See what I mean – most people think I’m great,’ he tells me when we’re alone again.

‘And so modest,’ I reply.

I know, he’s playing it cocky with me, but I could see how much that meant to him, to be acknowledged for how great he is at what he does. That guy didn’t care how much he allegedly drinks, or if he was theDaily Scoop’s ‘top shagger’ two years in a row.

‘Well, you deserve it,’ I tell him. ‘No one ever congratulates me on… a really well placed chair.’

Brody laughs.

‘I suppose what you do isn’t supposed to be obvious, it’s supposed to feel natural,’ he replies. ‘When people start noticing that you’re putting chairs there to get a sale, maybe that’s when it stops working.’

‘You know what, that’s a really good point,’ I say with a laugh. He’s right, but it’s still kind of funny.

‘However, that bra you left on the floor in our suite, for Todd and Nikki to see – next level,’ he says, getting up to pat me on the back. ‘Expertly done. They had no idea it was a plant.’

‘Aww, you’re just trying to be nice,’ I reply.

‘Nope, honestly, best bra placement I’ve ever seen,’ he insists. ‘I’ve always said the best place for a bra is the floor…’

I get off my ball and kick it at him. He just chuckles.

Sometimes I think I’m seeing a slightly different side to him, sometimes he’s exactly as I expect him to be. I’m not sure how much I hate it any more though.

23

If there’s one thing no one talks about enough, when it comes to weddings, it’s just how wild it is that the happy couple expect you to do so much stuff, just because they’re getting married.

Has it always been like this? I swear, when my parents got married, it was just one day, people turned up, ate food, gave them some kitchenware, ate cake and then went home. A wedding day.

Now though, it’s so different – weddings shouldn’t require annual leave, surely? And, destination weddings, come on. It’s not a day, it’s a whole thing.

I remember going to a wedding where the groom had roped all of his friends into dressing up like famous singers and doing a surprise choreographed dance – probably just some cringe attempt to go viral, which I think it did. But that’s not about the wedding, is it? Although I don’t suppose they’ll ever forget it (and they are divorced now, so take from that what you will). There was another girl we know, a friend of Kelsey’s, who made all of her bridesmaids do juice cleanses in the run-up to the big day –and they did it! Can we normalise telling people to fuck off, please?

Then again, I say that, but I am here, about to do something for Kelsey and Neil. I like to think I’d say no to her forcing me to go on a diet (not that she ever would, that’s why I love her) but this… as much as I hate it, I want to make her happy.

I cringe as I catch sight of myself in the mirrored wall. I’m in – wait for it – the ship’s dance studio. Yep, dance studio. Generally I think it’s reserved for the cruise performers to practise their routines but, when Kelsey said she was looking for somewhere for a group dance class, they said she could use this space. Joy.

‘This was definitely Kelsey’s idea,’ I whisper to Brody. ‘I saw Neil do the Cha Cha Slide once – the song literally has the instructions as lyrics – and he still fluffed it.’

‘I heard that,’ Neil calls out – amused, thankfully.

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