Page 65 of Going Overboard

‘Nah, don’t do that,’ he interrupts me. ‘Don’t look for reasons not to wear it. Don’t think it’s not you. It’s just a dress and you look hot in it.’

My jaw does drop.

I look in the mirror, trying to see what he sees, or what he says he sees anyway. Do I look good? I feel good, and it’s a really nice dress…

‘Screw it,’ I say firmly. ‘I’m going to get it.’

‘Yeah, you are,’ he replies. ‘Come on, let’s go…’

‘Wait a second,’ I say, eyeballing him suspiciously. ‘Are you just saying all of this, to hurry me up, so that I don’t try on more dresses?’

‘Maybe I am, maybe I’m not,’ he replies cryptically. ‘But maybe you should just buy it, and see what happens.’

Again, I have no idea what he means by that, but I can’t resist giving it a go. I’ll buy it, I’ll see what happens – who knows? I might even like it…

27

The ship has a karaoke bar – of course it does. It has everything. What doesn’t it have? I just made the mistake of asking a bartender this question and I didn’t like the answer.

‘Did you know there’s a prison and morgue on board?’ I ask the gang as I plonk myself back down with my bay breeze cocktail – my third, or is it my fourth?

‘What?’ Kelsey shrieks.

‘Yep,’ I reply. ‘I asked him, half joking, if the ship had everything on board, and he confirmed it. I suppose it makes sense but it’s not really something you want to think about on your holidays.’

‘You asked him,’ Nikki points out, scowling, which is crazy because it’s not that deep.

‘Well, it’s like my granny used to say: fuck around, find out,’ I joke – my favourite joke.

Brody laughs.

‘Okay, well, maybe you don’t talk to people without me,’ he suggests playfully.

‘Haven’t you heard of women’s rights?’ I reply.

‘It’s women’s wrongs I’m worried about,’ he teases.

‘You don’t usually complain,’ I reply.

Almost everyone finds our flirtatious bickering adorable. The only ones who don’t? Todd and Nikki, obviously.

I know why the ship needs a morgue, of course I do, but a karaoke area seems less important. Maybe. It is a lot of fun, I suppose.

There are a few rooms, with private booths, so I’m in one with the usual suspects: Brody, Kelsey and Neil, Al and Kira, and Todd and Nikki.

It’s a cool space, with disco lights, and a big screen that shows the lyrics. Everything is so colourful and sparkly and it really is hard not to have a good time when everyone is singing.

Todd and Nikki are tucked into a corner, not quite having as much fun as the rest of us, but I guess that’s because Brody and my presence is just ruining the trip for them. Boo-bloody-hoo. They didn’t want this? Neither did we. They would do well to remember that they chose this, in a roundabout way. It really is like my granny didn’t actually say: fuck around, find out. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Dump your ex, don’t be upset when they move on.

‘Put me down for basically every Elvis song they have,’ Al announces.

‘If you think you can do Elvis, sure, I’ll put you down for that,’ Kira says, sounding unconvinced, and she’s the one who hears him sing in the shower.

‘Thank you very much,’ he says – in the way you’d expect.

‘I’m thinking I might do a Lady Gaga track,’ Kelsey replies. ‘Not that I can sing.’

‘I was going to say, is that a promise or a threat,’ Neil teases her.

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