Page 104 of Denim & Diamonds

“How are you feeling?” I asked.

“Like a snowman who ate too many cookies.” She patted her stomach. “This guy is already over eight pounds. The only good thing about that is the doctor won’t let me go past my due date. They’re going to induce me on the first if I don’t go into labor by then.”

I smiled half-heartedly. “I weighed nine pounds, thirteen ounces.”

Nina smiled back. “Iknewit was your fault. Seeing the size of your shoulders right now is also a reminder I didn’t need.”

We both grew quiet. There was so much to say, so much to figure out, but I had no clue where to begin. Luckily, Nina jumped in.

“I don’t mean to rush you, but have you decided what you’re going to do?”

“I’m not letting a stranger take my child.”

Nina’s shoulders relaxed, and she laid her hand over her heart. “Oh my God. I’m so relieved. You will be such a good father to this baby.”

“I’ll take full custody, but would you consider being in your son’s life in some way? Maybe do the every-other-weekend thing? I can bring him to you, or I’ll get you an apartment here. A kid needs a mother, Nina.”

Her face fell, and she shook her head. “I can’t, Brock. I need to make a clean break or I’ll never move on.”

“How the hell can you do that?”

“It’s not a decision I’ve made lightly. I’ve had months to think about what I should do, and I’ve thought long and hard about what’s best for this baby. It may seem like a selfish decision to you, but I promise it’s not. I’m giving up this little boy because it’s best for him. A child should not be raised by someone who is justdoing theright thing. He should be raised by someone whowantshim and is ready to dedicate their life to parenthood. I never wanted a child, Brock. I never planned to be a mother.”

I could see pain etched in her face, and it made me feel like shit for using such an accusatory tone. Whether I liked her decision or not, it couldn’t have been an easy one to make. “I’m sorry. Having a child is your choice as much as it is mine. I shouldn’t have questioned your decision.” I meant the words I said, but a small part of me still clung to hope. Maybe she’d have a change of heart after she saw the baby. Maybe she’d warm up to the idea and we’d be able to co-parent. “I’ll take full custody, but if you ever reconsider and want to be involved…”

Nina smiled sadly. “I’m not going to, Brock. I’m moving to England as soon as the baby’s born.”

“England?” My neck pulled back. “What’s in England?”

“I took a position there. It’s with the same company I’ve worked for the last five years, but it’s a promotion into a different division. I already have the movers and my flight booked. I’m leaving a week after I deliver, if I go full term. I need a fresh start.”

I suddenly felt like my sweatshirt was too tight. I pulled at the neck. Nina either didn’t notice how panicked I felt, or she was doing a damn good job of ignoring it, because she plucked some papers from her purse and got right down to business.

“I typed up my medical history and all the history I know about my parents and grandparents. Both my grandfather and dad had diabetes, and I had borderline gestational diabetes, so you should probably keep an eyeon the baby’s blood sugar. But other than that, most of the diseases in my family are from lifestyle choices, like drinking and smoking.” She slid the papers over to me and held up a finger. “Oh, and while we’re talking about medical stuff, do you want the baby to be circumcised?”

I blinked a few times. “Shouldn’t he be?”

“The doctor said getting it done reduces the risk of urinary tract infections and also lowers the incidence rate of penile cancer when he gets older.”

“Penile cancer?”

“Also, do you want to be at the birth? I’m delivering at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston.” She pointed to the papers in my hand as if my head wasn’t spinning. “That address and all of my doctor’s contact information is on the third page there. But I can call you when I go into labor, if you plan on trying to come.”

“Okay…”

“And names. You’ll need a name for the birth certificate when I’m in the hospital. I assume you’ll use Hawkins for the last name, but you’ll need a first and middle. That is, if you want a middle one. I don’t think that’s required. Do you have any names in mind yet?”

“Uh, not really.”

She smiled. “I always loved your grandfather’s name, Patrick Hawkins. It has such a warm ring to it.”

I stared at her like she had two heads. Still, she went on…

“The last page has a list of items you’ll need, things like a car seat, a swing, a baby monitor. I realize this is a lot to take in, but we don’t have too much time, so I thought I’d try to help in whatever way I can. I also put a few websites on one of those pages—a nanny service inthe area that has very good reviews and an agency that can find you a wet nurse if you choose to go that route.”

I felt my entire face wrinkle. “What the hell is a wet nurse?”

“It’s a woman who’ll breastfeed a baby when the mother isn’t available.”

---