Page 14 of Denim & Diamonds

“There will be none of that either. I’ll probably never see the man again.”

“Of course you will. You have to give him back that phone.”

***

Later in the afternoon, Lara, another patient I’d made friends with, came into my room. “Hey. You want to catch the five o’clock meditation class with me?”

“Yeah, sure.” I pretended to fix my bedding while slipping Brock’s cell phone under my pillow. I’d spentwaytoo many hours staring at the thing today anyway. A little clearing of my mind was in order.

Meditation classes were taught by Trinity, one of the mental health therapists. She happened to be my therapist, so we already knew each other. She walked over while I was setting up my mat.

“Hey, February. How are you today?”

I smiled. “I’m doing well.”

“How have you been sleeping?”

“Eh. About the same.” Sleep had become an issue for me about a year ago. I couldfallasleep, but I never seemed able tostayasleep. Even when I went to bed with a clear head, I woke up at two in the morning thinking about things going on at work or in my personal life. Insomnia was actually one of the reasons I’d snuck out to the bar the other night. I’d spent all day talking about the reasons I’d checked into Sierra Wellness Center, and I knew I’d be tossing and turning without a bit of liquid encouragement help me to drift off.

She smiled. “We’re going to do some exercises you can try at night before you go to bed. I’m glad you came today.”

“Me too.”

The class began with Trinity playing a Tibetan singing bowl. She asked us all to focus on the peaceful sound it made, taking three deep breaths in through our noses and breathing out through our mouths. Then she instructed us to take a moment to think about a happy place. My mind immediately went to having coffee with Brock in his apartment, which was bizarre since I barely knew the man, and waking up hungover with a shotgun pointed at me wasn’t exactlyhappy. But nothing else came to mind, so I went with it. Listening to the rhythmic hum of the bowl, I imagined myself in Brock’s bed again—how good he’d smell, how his big, protective body would keep me warm. I’d snuggle close while he lay on his back, and I’d rest my head on his thick chest. He’d stroke my hair while I listened to his heartbeat. I felt so peaceful, so relaxed.

And that’s the last thing I remembered thinking about when I woke up some time later.

Pushing up to my elbows, I was now the only student in the class. Trinity sat at the front of the room writing in a journal. “Oh my God,” I said. “I can’t believe I fell asleep. I’m so sorry. How long was I out?”

She shut her book. “Not too long. And there’s nothing to apologize for. I take students falling asleep in meditation class as a compliment.”

I stretched my arms over my head and bent to the left, then the right. “I can’t remember the last time I napped. Maybe in college?”

“You must’ve needed it.” She smiled. “I have another class in a few minutes. You’re welcome to join. But if you go out to the gazebo on the west side of the building, you’ll probably catch a beautiful sunset rightabout now. I sometimes sit there at this time when I don’t have a class to teach.”

“Oh. That sounds great.” I stood and rolled up my mat. “I think I’ll do that.”

I walked outside and was greeted by a lavender-and-pink sky. The setting sun cast a golden glow over the trees surrounding the gazebo. It was so still and peaceful, and I realized I felt more relaxed than I had in ages. Maybe there was something to this mediation stuff after all? Or maybe there was something to fantasizing about a certain lumberjack. I wasn’t sure which it was, but I sat quietly, enjoying the serenity. When it grew dark, I made my way back inside and decided to stop at the business center. Patients weren’t allowed to use cell phones or electronic devices, but we were allowed fifteen minutes a day of computer time to take care of whatever we needed to. I generally used my time to email my administrative assistant, Oliver, who also happens to be my closest friend.

But today, I was so relaxed that I decided not to ruin it with work. Instead, I typed a quick note to my sister, letting her know I was doing okay. After, I still had a few minutes of time left, so I went on Instagram and typed inBrock Hawkins. Not surprisingly, he didn’t seem to have an account. But while I was on, I noticed a tag from Morgan, so I clicked to see what kind of nonsense she’d posted today that had probably gotten a few hundred-thousand likes.

The video was of her smiling at the camera. I recognized the background as her room here. She nibbled her bottom lip before whispering, “I just read thedirtiest textI’ve ever read in my life.” She fannedherself. “I had no idea that mountain men could be so descriptive. I need to get out of the big city more often.”

I froze.Mountain men?

“If y’all want me to read another Tinder message, just like this video. If we hit half a million, I’ll read another. A million? I’ll read two!”

Tinder!Oh no.

Whatever calm I’d been feeling was replaced by a racing heart. I clicked to sign off from my Instagram account and rushed back to my room—only to find Brock’s cell no longer under my pillow.Damn it!I sprinted to Morgan’s room and found her sitting on her bed, holding her cell out and talking like she was recording.

“Where is it?”

She lowered her phone. “Where’s what?”

“Brock’s phone. I know you have it, Morgan.”

She pouted. “God, your face is so tense. You should try one of the meditation classes they offer here.”

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