Of all the…

“Pregnant,” repeated Hiram. “You say my sister ispregnant?”

If he made it out of this in one piece he was gonna spank Lorraine’s ass red as a cherry.

“She, ah, didn’t want it gettin’ around,” Absalom said roughly, shooting daggers at Lorrie.

“Sounds like a fuckin’ lie to me,” piped up one of Hiram’s men.

“Easy to solve it,” said Hiram. He pulled out his cellphone and dialed a number, throwing the call on speaker phone.

Lorraine stood wisely out of reach from Absalom, shaking like a leaf. All eyes were on her now, even Hiram’s. The fuckers were all staring at her legs, her flat stomach exposed by the tiny little shirt, and the spread of her huge tits pushing out the cotton fabric. She could hide behind her waterfall of hair but it made no difference. Absalom knew exactly what the bastards were thinking but if they tried it he was going to kill every single son of a bitch in here.

“Come here, Lorrie,” he ordered.

Hiram jabbed the gun towards her but she stepped backwards, towards Absalom.

“Sit down,” Absalom told her quietly. “Behind me, right there.”

She sat down on the bed.

Absalom’s wife finally picked up. A voice like nails on a chalkboard snarled through the phone, “What the fuck do you want, Hiram?”

“Sister. I got a question for you.”

“I don’t have your damned meth, like I told you a dozen fuckin’ times already.”

“Dinah, are you pregnant?”

The silence was only broken by a strange noise from Lorraine. Absalom knew they were cooked.I’ll have to shoot her first, he thought wildly.They’ll torture her here all night. I don’t believe this shit. Lorrie… I was so close. So fuckin’ close to everything…

But after a long silence, Dinah finally spoke. “Who told you that?”

“I just heard it on the grapevine,” said Hiram, his hog-small eyes narrowing. “So it’s true?”

“Was it that doctor bitch?” Dinah shrilled.

“I ain’t saying.”

“I’ll fuckin’ kill her! That schemin’ slut– she said she wouldn’t tell! She promised! I’ll kill that fuckin’ slut!” The gravel-pit voice of Dinah Green Tree rose to a shriek before she sputtered, “Don’t tell Absalom– he doesn’t know.”

“I won’t say a word,” said Hiram, his eyes locked on Absalom’s stone face. “You know I never liked that son of a bitch. Now what’s it saying about the meth?”

“It’s at Ma’s house under the TV. You promise you won’t tell Absalom?”

“Cross my heart,” sneered Hiram, and hung up the phone on his sister.

Lorrie sagged against the bed and put her head in her hands.

She might be pregnant but it sure as fuck ain’t mine,Absalom thought furiously. Not only had the Snatch Hills forced him into a marriage, they had never meant to honor it in the first place.

“Looks like you were right,” Hiram admitted, pacing the room now. “But what I can’t understand is how you figured it out if she ain’t say nothing to you, Green Tree.”

“I’m a man of detail,” came the dry reply.

“Well I’ll be damned. Dinah’s got a baby coming. The Green Trees and Snatch Hills united.” Hiram laughed and the tension broke all at once.

Absalom just couldn’t believe that Lorrie’s insane fabrication might have actually saved their bacon. He could only now play off the whole thing like a big misunderstanding among gentlemen. Revenge would come later. He smiled wryly and shrugged his shoulders at Hiram and his men.“I’m only a man with a man’s urges. This girl ain’t nothing to me but a lay.”