Page 10 of Replay

“And that was it?”

“He was drafted and went away to play hockey, and I went to university. I hadn’t seen him for five years till last night.”

And what a way to run into him again.

Madeline watched me, using that analytical brain of hers. I wished she’d focus on something else. “I’m trying to picture the two of you together.”

Not necessary, since we were so not together now.

“You’re smart. Intense. He’s pretty laid-back. I would have said he was not very bright, but…”

I frowned. People always thought Josh was dumb. He didn’t do well on tests, and wasn’t a great reader, but he wasn’t stupid the way people assumed. There was more to him than hockey. He had other things he used his brain for. He loved Star Wars, and on that, he had opinions. Very well thought-out and endlessly argued opinions.

Plus, he was hockey smart. I had never been a big hockey fan and avoided the sport altogether after Josh and I broke up— Damn it, now he had me doing it. After he broke up with me, I avoided hockey. But before, when scouts were watching him and people wanted to talk about Josh and hockey all the damn time, they talked about his hockey intelligence. He understood the game on an intuitive level. I did not. Which was fine, because I was done with hockey.

“He’s not just a dumb jock. Ask him about Revenge of the Sith. He’ll give you a dissertation.”

Madeline frowned, and now I knew she didn’t use Botox. Just looked naturally perfect. “What’s that?”

“Star Wars movie. Josh had big opinions on that.”

She fought back a smile. “Hmmm.”

Thanks to Josh, I loved Star Wars too. For a while, after he’d cut me off, I’d had to set aside my love of the Force because it reminded me too much of him. But time passed, the hurt faded, and I’d reclaimed Star Wars. I’d even stopped my stupid tendency to rehearse conversations with him about some of the new shows. In my head, obviously, since he was gone, but he’d been my Star Wars and Lord of the Rings buddy. Not relevant here, obviously.

“Two years,” she said. “Was it just tutoring and sex?”

The coffee flew out of my mouth and over the counter as I choked. “Gghh.” I tried to speak but coughed instead.

Madeline laughed and grabbed a cloth to wipe up what I’d spewed out. “No sexy times?”

I grinned at her. “Two horny high school kids? Oh, we made time for that.”

“Did you make him study? Or just do the work for him so he’d pass?”

I almost swallowed more coffee. “I did not do his work for him! He needed to know this stuff.” I’d warned him that hockey wasn’t a sure thing. He could get injured. He might not make it. And shockingly, he’d been willing to put in the work.

“Maybe he needed that. Someone who didn’t let him get by on his athletic skills.”

I bit my lip, letting my brain return to a time I’d mostly blocked out. “Maybe that was it. Most people only talked hockey to him. I knew some, but my family had never been big hockey fans.”

“I’m sure, if he was talented—and he must have been to be where he is now—a break from that was good for him.”

“Well, Dr. Madeline, I think you’ve now figured out why we lasted as long as we did. But we had different paths to follow. We’d have broken up eventually. Though it would have been nice to have some say in that.”

“You absolutely should have had a say in that decision. If Josh hadn’t cared about you or didn’t want the relationship to continue because he didn’t want to, then he has the right to initiate that discussion and make his own decision. But to decide for you? I’d be furious.”

She would. She was angry on my behalf, five years later.

I should have pushed, five years ago, and asked questions. I’d been so insecure that Josh breaking up with me had seemed inevitable. I hadn’t asked why or demanded answers. I thought I knew them—I wasn’t pretty enough, fun enough, any kind of enough except smart.

He hadn’t needed smart to get drafted.

Had I learned? Gotten any better? Did I think I was enough now?

Chapter 5

So, What’s my Play?

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