Page 42 of The Tape Job
“Ryan said he’ll eat at Johnny’s, and if he asks, you were in your room the whole time, and I disinfected all the surfaces before even stepping foot in here. Sit down and I’ll bring you a drink.” She waves me past the threshold between the kitchen and the living area.
The kettle turns on as I settle in front of the TV with TSN playing in the background. It’s one of those things that I appreciate as a comfort blanket. It reminds me of home, it feels such a normal thing to have on. Jen set it up with a VPN, and I pretended to know what she was talking about when she talked me through it.
The Maple Leafs quickly make an appearance. The highlights remind me of last season.
“Remember when we saw Liam on TV as a Leaf for the first time?” I ask Jen as she makes her way towards me with a mug of something hot.
“Yeah, it was exciting!” She hands me a mug and casts her eyes to the TV.
“Seeing him then, Jen, I knew we were in a place that we likely couldn’t return from. I was so proud of him, though.” I’m filled with regret about what I should have said or done before Liam’s call-up. “I should have been there. I made the biggest mistake of my life, Jen.”
Jen sits near me on the sofa and turns to face me. “I’m still rooting for you,” she smiles. “Something’s not right if you rely on a guy to make you happy. You need to be happy for you. Completely. And the rest will follow.”
Jen. Perpetually optimistic and increasingly wise. I honestly don’t know where I’d be without her these days. Thanks to Liam, I have a roommate I get along with, otherwise I’d probably be stuck with a random person I wouldn’t get along with. Or worse—I’d be sharing with Johnny.
“Has he said anything to Ryan?” I ask, sipping my coffee. Ryan avoiding me right now might be a good thing since he’s always with Jen, leaving no time for us to talk properly.
“Not really. According to Ryan, it’s probably for the best that you two are done. But I think that’s coming from a place of love for his brother. He doesn’t want to see him hurting anymore.”
My heart sinks. I did that. I’m the one who’s causing him that pain. If Johnny and Ryan believe it’s for the best, then it probably is—right? Telling Liam to keep his distance was the right decision. I sigh, unsure of what to say, but Jen offers her thoughts.
“I think it’s still all to play for. Do you want him to leave you alone?” I concentrate on the TV, afraid to answer, and Jen sips her tea. She doesn’t press me further, but we both know I don’t.
Every flick of a blue sweater on TV makes me think of Liam. I’m proud of him, even if it was brief. I always knew he’d make it deep down. During his last year in college, he was adamant that he’d hold out and see if Boston wanted to sign him, given that I was staying there for another year. He met with their General Manager, but his preference was clear to me. I insisted he take the offer from Toronto. It was a fantastic offer.
“You’ll finish up here, and then come up to Toronto, right, baby girl? We’ve done the long-distance thing before. We can do it again. It’s only for a short time.” I remember him saying this as if he’d already planned it out, and I was excited. That changed when Liam’s mom, Lois called.
She’d started with the pleasantries. She asked about school, my part-time job, and various other topics. Then she asked about Liam, of course, and if I’d seen Johnny recently. It was all the usual things that she’d call me to talk about. Every single week without fail, on a Thursday afternoon when she knew I had a few hours free, she would call. Iwould tell her all about my week, and she would listen. She’d even listen to my rambling about the girls in my classes sometimes and how much I was enjoying Liam’s hockey season—or not. But she always listened.
“Sweetie, I know it’s a big ask, but do you think you could fly home this weekend? I know Liam’s going to see Ryan, and I wouldn’t usually ask but—”
“I’d love to,” I said, not even waiting for her to finish. The thought of seeing her and having a weekend for just us girls was exactly what I needed, considering I spent most of my time in the hockey house full of boys.
So, we figured it all out, and I told Liam I was going home for the weekend and I’d see him on Sunday. I didn’t know it then, but he knew exactly why his mom had called me. He’d been doing a great job at hiding his heartache.
Lois made a show of picking me up at the airport. She even stood there with a sign: my name in huge pink letters. It’d make me cringe now, but Lois made it endearing and I loved it. She took us out for dinner, and I didn’t have a single suspicion that something was off. She looked well; she looked happy. We spent the rest of the evening watching sappy movies and eating popcorn. But the world stopped turning on the Saturday morning.
I slept in Liam’s room. It still smelt like him, even though there were fresh sheets on the bed. Liam had covered his walls with photos of us, hockey memories and various memorabilia; it was still the same as I remember it. I remember feeling at ease and happy. Until I got downstairs.
Lois was sitting in the kitchen with her brother, Liam’s Uncle G, who gave me a hug before abruptly leaving.
“What’s going on?” I asked, knowing that Uncle G never came over this early.
“Vicky, come and sit with me.” She patted the seat Uncle G had vacated, and I walked over and tentatively sat down.
“This is bad news, isn’t it? I can tell.”
“No, no, not bad news, sweetie. Just news that I need you to process and understand.” She slid over a mug of coffee and smiled warmly at me.
“Not bad news? Then what is it? You’re worrying me, Lois.”
She paused for a moment. The smile she was wearing dropped slightly just before she spoke. “Several months ago, I found a lump. I thought nothing of it, but you know what Jack is like.” She rolled her eyes at this. Liam’s dad was a stickler for any sign of sickness, even a cough. I knew it all too well. “So, I got it checked out, and it came back as cancer.” She talked about it as if she was telling me about her day at work. So nonchalant and carefree that I didn’t really understand what she was saying. My mouth had dropped open, but she continued. “So anyway, they ran more tests, and it turned out that it has spread quite a lot and—” Her eyes watered at this point. It was the kick I needed to say something.
“But it’ll be okay, right? They can operate. I’ll call my mom. She’ll know someone.” I remember fumbling for my phone, then dropping it. Lois put her hand out and rested it on my arm. The warmth of her touch seeping into my skin, a warmth that I know no one will ever be able to replicate: a mother’s love.
“Oh, sweetie—” She blinked a few times and dabbed the corner of her eye with her sleeve. “Jack called her straight away, and she got us in with a colleague of hers who’s a specialist in all these things I’ve never even heard of, but…”
My eyes had prickled with the threat of tears, and her next words set me off into an oblivion of tears, turning me hysterical.
