Page 150 of The Alternate Captain
“Yeah. I mean—what happens if he doesn’t take the news well? What if he lets it affect his game and—”
“But what about me, Johnny?”
“I—”
“I have an open audition invitation for a national orchestra soon.” She sits up in bed and then flicks the duvet off her legs. “What about how much this is affecting my ability to perform?”
“Where’re you going?” I ask.
But she’s on her feet now, walking towards her closet, pulling out my hoodie. There’s complete rage in her eyes, and I half expect her to throw it at me, but she doesn’t. She slips it overher head and pulls it down her body, and my eyes linger on my number, and the ‘C’ mocking me.
Because right now—I’m anything other than a captain.
I’m a coward.
‘C’ for coward.
And I realise I should say something. I should speak up and try to prove to her that this isn’t a case of me picking Bettsy over her. It isn’t.
But the fear of being yelled at, called pathetic and useless—all the things Sarah used to do to me, floats right to the surface.
But she doesn’t yell, her voice comes out smooth and calm.
“I’m going to see Tom for a bit. Because believe it or not, I kind of understand—though I don’t at the same time. I need some space, Johnny. Please don’t be here when I get back. I’m asking you this, Johnny—please.” I bolt upright in bed, staring at her for a moment, willing my brain to engage and for me to say something—anything at all. “Just let me know as soon as you’ve told Mike.” Then she steps back towards the bed and meets my gaze, her eyes filling with tears that I’ve caused. “I love you.”
Then she slips out of the room before I can process the words fully. My heart thrumming in my chest, my skin hot and clammy as if I’m about to pass out.
There’s so much at stake here and my head is swimming with all the possibilities.
What if Kelly gets the opportunity of a lifetime and leaves, after her brother disowns me—not only have I lost her, but I’ve lost my friendship with Bettsy, too. What if Kelly decides a few months down the line that she can’t handle the age difference—that she wants someone ready to tread the same path as her, without knowing the full picture from me. What if—
Then Justine’s words float back into my head:“Remember, Johnny. The majority of scenarios we make up in our head are justthat—made up in our head.”
But this, right now, is so real—I can hardly breathe from the pressure.
It appears I am being forced to decide here. Kelly or her brother. And that’s exactly what I don’t want to do.
I don’t think I’ve been in love until now. But then again, I don’t think I’ve had such a pure friendship as I do with Bettsy. I mean, yeah, the twins are my best friends, but when you’re paired with someone, and have the bond that we do—that hits differently.
And after all the times I’ve failed in my life—I feel like I’m failing him and Kelly, and I’m stuck.
My brother’s idea ofa wedding is getting pissed and dad-dancing until the DJ calls it a day, but since he’s got morning skate at an ungodly hour—his words—he’s forced to be sensible.
“Honestly, I can’t wait for this to be over,” he says, sipping at the glass of water he’s clutching. “What is it with weddings? Because this is torture.”
“It’s not that bad,” I say, looking over at Stacey and her new husband—who is still a prick. And I feel it too. Thisistorture.
He follows my gaze and grunts.
My sister’s wedding is on a Thursday, to accommodate Mike’s schedule and save money since it’s cheaper. But although this is supposed to be the happiest day of Stacey’s life, Mike and I are both miserable—but for different reasons.
We’re hovering near the bar, watching the happy couple travel around the room, thanking people for attending.
“It makes you sick though, doesn’t it?” Mike says, glancing around the room.
“The wedding?” I ask.
“No. People being happy. And in love.”
